Dating coaches, who specialize in working with people with autism, are in demand

Dating coaches, who specialize in working with people with autism, are in demand

Transcript¹

Dating coaches have been around for years. A more recent trend is coaches who specialize in helping² people with autism navigate³ romance. They can't keep up with demand.

A MARTINEZ, HOST:

Dating isn't always easy. And for decades, dating coaches have offered people help negotiating romantic relationships. More recent trend is dating coaches who specialize in working with people with autism. Sofia Stuart-Rasi reports.

SOFIA STUART-RASI, BYLINE⁴: Leah Rosenthal is in her early 40s, lives in Denver and runs her own consulting business. Growing up, Rosenthal always knew there was something different with her approach to dating. The act of going out and reading people's subtle social cues always caused her anxiety.

LEAH ROSENTHAL: Why can't just - people just be a little more direct on certain things? I mean, I won't say they either like me or don't like me, but it's kind of, like, hard to decipher things.

STUART-RASI: A couple of years ago, Rosenthal was diagnosed with autism and prefers to be known as autistic. When it comes to sharing her diagnosis⁵ to a potential romantic partner, she keeps it to herself.

ROSENTHAL: Yes, I'm autistic, but I feel like it doesn't define my whole life. And so I have so much more to, like, offer.

STUART-RASI: Over the years, Rosenthal sought out help from dating coaches, but didn't find them particularly helpful.

ROSENTHAL: Because we - as neurodiverse, we do not see the world as, like, other people see it.

STUART-RASI: Neurodiverse is a term for people whose brains can cause problems with communication, social interactions and relationships, sometimes described as conditions like ADHD and autism. A couple of years ago, Rosenthal started going to very popular relationship meet-ups in Denver. Mandy Staehler, a dating coach who specializes in neurodiverse clients, set them up.

MANDY STAEHLER: It's just really important for people with autism to also have access to this resource if they want someone to really listen.

STUART-RASI: Staehler has a master's degree in special education and has worked with the neurodiverse community for years. When she started coaching, she was quickly booked solid from word-of-mouth recommendations alone. People with autism, also known as autism spectrum⁶ disorder⁷, often go through many courses on communication etiquette⁸ and manners to mold into our current societal standards. But Staehler says she doesn't tell her clients how to act. She advises them to follow their own path.

STAEHLER: I just think it's important for people to feel valued and listened to.

STUART-RASI: She takes two different approaches to coaching. First is to guide her clients through real-life situations and help them unravel⁹ social nuances. Second, she focuses on her clients' unique strengths and then works on relationship goals for them to accomplish on their own terms.

Staehler's approach makes sense, says Zoe Gross with the Autistic Self Advocacy Network. She says having relationship coaches who specialize in the neurodiverse community could really help build confidence in people who have faced societal discrimination, like the common stereotype¹⁰ that people with autism don't really have emotions and just wouldn't understand dating.

ZOE GROSS: I think also a lot of people have the idea that people with developmental disabilities don't want to date or don't want to have sex. But the reality is people with developmental disabilities want to date and have sex, you know, about as often as nondisabled people do.

STUART-RASI: Gross does have hesitations¹¹ that specialized¹² coaching could end up feeding social barriers to truly accept neurodiverse people. So in the end, they would keep carrying the burden of fitting in.

GROSS: I think it's true that the way autistic people act can be a barrier to dating. I think that's because people are discriminatory and not because we're doing something that's inherently wrong.

STUART-RASI: Leah Rosenthal, who works with a relationship coach, says when it comes to dating in the neurodiverse community, it's crucial that the coach understands autism so they can help people like her get through the confusing, uncontrollable world of dating and end up with something everyone deserves.

ROSENTHAL: People want to feel loved. They want to have friends. And so that's, like, really important.

STUART-RASI: For NPR News, I'm Sofia Stuart-Rasi.

(SOUNDBITE OF COMMON MARKET'S "NOTHIN' AT ALL")

1 transcript   

n.抄本，誊本，副本，肄业证书

参考例句：

• A transcript of the tapes was presented as evidence in court.一份录音带的文字本作为证据被呈交法庭。
• They wouldn't let me have a transcript of the interview.他们拒绝给我一份采访的文字整理稿。

2 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

3 navigate   

v.航行，飞行；导航，领航

参考例句：

• He was the first man to navigate the Atlantic by air.他是第一个飞越大西洋的人。
• Such boats can navigate on the Nile.这种船可以在尼罗河上航行。

4 byline   

n.署名；v.署名

参考例句：

• His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
• We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。

5 diagnosis   

n.诊断，诊断结果，调查分析，判断

参考例句：

• His symptoms gave no obvious pointer to a possible diagnosis.他的症状无法作出明确的诊断。
• The engineer made a complete diagnosis of the bridge's collapse.工程师对桥的倒塌做一次彻底的调查分析。

6 spectrum   

n.谱，光谱，频谱；范围，幅度，系列

参考例句：

• This is a kind of atomic spectrum.这是一种原子光谱。
• We have known much of the constitution of the solar spectrum.关于太阳光谱的构成，我们已了解不少。

7 disorder   

n.紊乱，混乱；骚动，骚乱；疾病，失调

参考例句：

• When returning back,he discovered the room to be in disorder.回家后，他发现屋子里乱七八糟。
• It contained a vast number of letters in great disorder.里面七零八落地装着许多信件。

8 etiquette   

n.礼仪，礼节；规矩

参考例句：

• The rules of etiquette are not so strict nowadays.如今的礼仪规则已不那么严格了。
• According to etiquette,you should stand up to meet a guest.按照礼节你应该站起来接待客人。

9 unravel   

v.弄清楚（秘密）；拆开，解开，松开

参考例句：

• He was good with his hands and could unravel a knot or untangle yarn that others wouldn't even attempt.他的手很灵巧，其他人甚至都不敢尝试的一些难解的绳结或缠在一起的纱线，他都能解开。
• This is the attitude that led him to unravel a mystery that long puzzled Chinese historians.正是这种态度使他解决了长期以来使中国历史学家们大惑不解的谜。

10 stereotype   

n.固定的形象，陈规，老套，旧框框

参考例句：

• He's my stereotype of a schoolteacher.他是我心目中的典型教师。
• There's always been a stereotype about successful businessmen.人们对于成功商人一直都有一种固定印象。

11 hesitations   

n.犹豫( hesitation的名词复数 )；踌躇；犹豫（之事或行为）；口吃

参考例句：

• His doubts and hesitations were tiresome. 他的疑惑和犹豫令人厌烦。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The cool manipulators in Hanoi had exploited America's hesitations and self-doubt. 善于冷静地操纵这类事的河内统治者大大地钻了美国当局优柔寡断的空子。 来自辞典例句

12 specialized   

adj.专门的，专业化的

参考例句：

• There are many specialized agencies in the United Nations.联合国有许多专门机构。
• These tools are very specialized.这些是专用工具。