美国国家公共电台 NPR--Bozoma Saint John writes of love, loss and survival in 'The Urgent Life'

Bozoma Saint John writes of love, loss and survival in 'The Urgent Life'

Transcript¹

NPR's Asma Khalid speaks with Bozoma Saint John about her memoir²: The Urgent Life.

ASMA KHALID, HOST:

Bozoma Saint John has navigated³ a high-flying corporate⁴ career, a Black woman who held top marketing⁵ positions at Netflix, Pepsi and other major companies. But over the years, she has also faced immense personal tragedy, and she writes about this all in her book "The Urgent Life."

BOZOMA SAINT JOHN: It was when my husband was diagnosed with cancer that my impatience⁶ and unwillingness⁷ to wait for things to just sort of happen, you know, wanting to go do things immediately, really started to take form and purpose.

KHALID: Her life, she told me, took on a new urgency. She went along with her husband Peter's wish to cancel their divorce. They had been separated for three years. And she decided⁸ to shelve the things that had once troubled her about their marriage.

SAINT JOHN: The good things were about the discovery of each other, you know, just as human beings. I think the idea of love sometimes can be so romanticized that you think it's just about the butterflies and the roses and, you know, the feelings of giddiness versus⁹ really getting to know another human being so thoroughly¹⁰ that you trust them, that you're vulnerable with them, that you know that they have the best intentions for you. And I think at some points during my marriage, our marriage, I lost sight of that.

KHALID: So what ultimately did drive you apart?

SAINT JOHN: Well, lots of trauma¹¹, you know, some of it very searing, others very much like everybody else's marriages, you know? For us, we had a really traumatic experience in losing our first daughter. I developed preeclampsia about 6 1/2 months pregnant and had to go into induced labor¹². And...

KHALID: Yeah, you wrote about that.

SAINT JOHN: Yes, wrote about that very deeply. And, you know, I think that besides the grief of losing our child, we blamed each other, you know, for all of it, some of it.

KHALID: For the loss?

SAINT JOHN: Yes, for the loss. And the thing is that, you know, without being very self-aware of how, you know, I was holding on to decisions that he made that I felt should have been different, you know, without forgiving in a situation that was completely impossible to decide between me and saving our child because preeclampsia, what happens is that your body begins to act like you're - you know, the pregnancy¹³ is a foreign body. And blood pressure rises, and the chances of having a stroke are very, very high, you know? And I was angry at my body betraying me. I was angry at Peter deciding on my behalf that we should induce versus, you know, let it sort of play out. There were just so many impossible decisions in it. And for us, that began a lot of what were the cracks in our marriage.

KHALID: You mention losing your first daughter, your child, when you went into labor earlier because of preeclampsia. You know, I was, I think, really touched by the degree to which you, in detail, outlined how traumatic the experience then of being pregnant was even with your second child. You know, I think that pregnancy can be rather traumatic for a lot of women, and it's something that we don't talk about publicly. I appreciated you discussing this here. And I was struck by why you did it, but also, I can't imagine it was easy.

SAINT JOHN: Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right. I wish we would talk about it more. You know, I had - really had no idea that pregnancy could be so scary. I really didn't. The women in my family have had lots of babies, friends who looked like they were glowing throughout their pregnancies¹⁴ - I just didn't hear of the challenges. And, of course, now we have a much wider discussion about maternal¹⁵ health and especially Black women's maternal health, you know, that we understand the risks. But at the time when I was going through it, I just didn't know.

And I wanted to talk about it and wanted to write about it honestly, you know, to bring people into my body, to bring them into the delivery room, to understand the trauma of understanding what was happening to me and then being somewhat voiceless in my own pregnancy - you know, not being listened to, knowing something was wrong and then, essentially¹⁶, not being heard so that it ended in a situation that was extraordinarily¹⁷ traumatic for me. And I'll tell you that I'm not over it. And I think it is a discussion that we shouldn't hide from and one that we should not be ashamed of. I did carry some shame for some time, feeling like I had failed womanhood, you know, that somehow I didn't do it right and that I shouldn't talk about it.

KHALID: All throughout this memoir, you spoke¹⁸ at length, I think, about God, about your relationship with God. Talk to me about that.

SAINT JOHN: Well, I grew up in the church. My parents were both Christians¹⁹. They served in the church many times. But as an adult, I had to find my own relationship with God. God is supposed to be this all-knowing being, you know, who does no wrong. But I found myself in a very complicated situation where I was praying for healing for my husband, you know, begging God to save his life, and God didn't do that. And I was angry. And I thought, how dare you? You know, how dare you? Peter was such a devout²⁰ Catholic. And I thought, God, how could you fail him? How could you let him die when he begged you for his life?

And my relationship with God has changed somewhat in that I don't believe that there is no questioning God or being angry or any of those things. And I think for me, it's made God more tangible²¹, you know, made my faith that much stronger in understanding that even when I ask for whatever it is I ask for, that it is not my doing which is going to deliver it, you know, and perhaps I don't know what the best thing is.

And I can't say as I sit here today that I think Peter's death was part of a good, great plan. I have questions for God at the end. I do. I will challenge that decision. But I do appreciate the fact that in my life now, I am much more at peace with knowing that horrible things may happen, but I will still survive, and I will still thrive in spite of it. So my prayer has changed. You know, my prayer is no longer demanding of healing or demanding of this next job or demanding of, like, put me on this path. It is not that. You know, my prayer is for peace. It is for comfort. It's for joy. It is the prayer that hopefully will take me through life's ups and downs and allow me to live a very full life, a satisfied life.

KHALID: Bozoma Saint John, thank you so much for taking the time to chat. I really appreciate it.

SAINT JOHN: Oh, thank you. I appreciate the opportunity.

KHALID: That's Bozoma Saint John. Her book "The Urgent Life" is out next week.

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1 transcript   

n.抄本，誊本，副本，肄业证书

参考例句：

• A transcript of the tapes was presented as evidence in court.一份录音带的文字本作为证据被呈交法庭。
• They wouldn't let me have a transcript of the interview.他们拒绝给我一份采访的文字整理稿。

2 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

3 navigated   

v.给（船舶、飞机等）引航，导航( navigate的过去式和过去分词 )；（从海上、空中等）横越；横渡；飞跃

参考例句：

• He navigated the plane through the clouds. 他驾驶飞机穿越云层。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The ship was navigated by the North Star. 那只船靠北极星来导航。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 corporate   

adj.共同的，全体的；公司的，企业的

参考例句：

• This is our corporate responsibility.这是我们共同的责任。
• His corporate's life will be as short as a rabbit's tail.他的公司的寿命是兔子尾巴长不了。

5 marketing   

n.行销，在市场的买卖，买东西

参考例句：

• They are developing marketing network.他们正在发展销售网络。
• He often goes marketing.他经常去市场做生意。

6 impatience   

n.不耐烦，急躁

参考例句：

• He expressed impatience at the slow rate of progress.进展缓慢，他显得不耐烦。
• He gave a stamp of impatience.他不耐烦地跺脚。

7 unwillingness   

n. 不愿意，不情愿

参考例句：

• Her unwillingness to answer questions undermined the strength of her position. 她不愿回答问题，这不利于她所处的形势。
• His apparent unwillingness would disappear if we paid him enough. 如果我们付足了钱，他露出的那副不乐意的神情就会消失。

8 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

9 versus   

prep.以…为对手，对；与…相比之下

参考例句：

• The big match tonight is England versus Spain.今晚的大赛是英格兰对西班牙。
• The most exciting game was Harvard versus Yale.最富紧张刺激的球赛是哈佛队对耶鲁队。

10 thoroughly   

adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地

参考例句：

• The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。
• The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。

11 trauma   

n.外伤，精神创伤

参考例句：

• Counselling is helping him work through this trauma.心理辅导正帮助他面对痛苦。
• The phobia may have its root in a childhood trauma.恐惧症可能源于童年时期的创伤。

12 labor   

n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦

参考例句：

• We are never late in satisfying him for his labor.我们从不延误付给他劳动报酬。
• He was completely spent after two weeks of hard labor.艰苦劳动两周后，他已经疲惫不堪了。

13 pregnancy   

n.怀孕，怀孕期

参考例句：

• Early pregnancy is often accompanied by nausea.怀孕早期常有恶心的现象。
• Smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of miscarriage.怀孕期吸烟会增加流产的危险。

14 pregnancies   

怀孕，妊娠( pregnancy的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Since the wartime population needed replenishment, pregnancies were a good sign. 最后一桩倒不失为好现象，战时人口正该补充。
• She's had three pregnancies in four years. 她在四年中怀孕叁次。

15 maternal   

adj.母亲的，母亲般的，母系的，母方的

参考例句：

• He is my maternal uncle.他是我舅舅。
• The sight of the hopeless little boy aroused her maternal instincts.那个绝望的小男孩的模样唤起了她的母性。

16 essentially   

adv.本质上，实质上，基本上

参考例句：

• Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
• She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。

17 extraordinarily   

adv.格外地；极端地

参考例句：

• She is an extraordinarily beautiful girl.她是个美丽非凡的姑娘。
• The sea was extraordinarily calm that morning.那天清晨，大海出奇地宁静。

18 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

19 Christians   

n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Christians of all denominations attended the conference. 基督教所有教派的人都出席了这次会议。
• His novel about Jesus caused a furore among Christians. 他关于耶稣的小说激起了基督教徒的公愤。

20 devout   

adj.虔诚的，虔敬的，衷心的 (n.devoutness)

参考例句：

• His devout Catholicism appeals to ordinary people.他对天主教的虔诚信仰感染了普通民众。
• The devout man prayed daily.那位虔诚的男士每天都祈祷。

21 tangible   

adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的

参考例句：

• The policy has not yet brought any tangible benefits.这项政策还没有带来任何实质性的好处。
• There is no tangible proof.没有确凿的证据。