NPR 12-14:Finding Redemption Through Acceptance 包容他人是我们得以救赎自

Working as an interrogator¹ at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, is a dangerous job. Yet an experience with a terrorism suspect led one veteran of the Iraq war to believe in the power of redemption and acceptance.

Welcome to this I believe in NPR series presenting the personal philosophies of remarkable² men and women from all walks of life.
From NPR news, this is weekend edition. I am Lian Henson.

I believe in mystery.
I believe in family.
I believe in being who I am.
I believe in the power of failure.
I believe normal life is extraordinary. This I believe.

Our essay today came to us from an unusual source. She is a former interrogator at Guantanomo Bay Naval³ Base in Cuba. We can't broadcast her real name or current location because of the death threat against US interrogators. So we'll call her Alex Anderson. Here's our series curator, independent producer J. Alison.

Alex Anderson heard our series on the radio while working at the prison at Guantanomo during a time of crisis for her. She said that this project gave her a way to organize her thoughts about her core convictions in a way that helped her make sense of her actions. As you'll hear in her essay for this I believe.

I believe in the power of redemption.

I was an interrogator at the detention⁴ facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. I don't have any torture stories to share. I think many people would be surprised at the civilized⁵ lifestyle I experienced in Guantanamo. The detainees I worked with were murderers and rapists. You never forgot for a moment that, given the chance, they'd kill you to get out. Some committed crimes so horrific that I lost sleep wondering what would happen if they were set free.

But this is not the only reason I could not sleep; I had spent 18 months in Iraq just before my arrival in Cuba. First I served as a soldier for a year, and then returned as a civilian⁶ contractor⁷ because I felt I hadn't done enough to make a difference the first time. After the Abu Ghraib scandal broke, I left because I felt I could not make any difference anymore. Those events simply undermined all of our work.

I felt defeated and frightened and tired, and I hoped I could redeem⁸ myself by making a difference in Guantanamo. Still, I couldn't sleep. I was plagued with dreams of explosions and screaming. After being sleepless⁹ for more than 48 hours, I began to hallucinate. I thought people were planting bombs outside my house in Guantanamo. That was the night my roommate brought me to the hospital.

When I returned to work, I began to meet again with my clients, which is what I chose to call my detainees. We were all exhausted¹⁰. Many of them came back from a war having lost friends, too. I wondered how many of them still heard screaming at night like I did.

My job was to obtain information that would help keep U.S. soldiers safe. We'd meet, play dominoes, I'd bring chocolate and we'd talk a lot. There was one detainee, Mustafa, who joked that I was his favorite interrogator in the world, and I joked back that he was my favorite terrorist — and he was. He'd committed murders and did things we all wished he could take back. He asked me one day, suddenly serious, "You know everything about me, but still you do not hate me. Why?"

His question stopped me cold. I said "Everyone has done things in their past that they're not proud of. I know I have, but I also know God still expects me to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself. That means you."

Mustafa started to cry. "That's what my God says, too," he said.

Accepting Mustafa helped me accept myself again. My clients may never know this, but my year with them helped me to finally heal. My nightmares stopped.

I don't know what kind of a difference I made to the mission in Guantanamo. But I found redemption in caring for my clients, and I believe it saved my life — or at least my sanity¹¹. People say, "Hate the sin, not the sinner." That is easier said than done, but I learned that there is true freedom in accepting others unconditionally¹².

I believe we help to redeem each other through the power of acceptance. It is powerful to those who receive it and more powerful to those who give it.

With her essay for this I believe. Alex Anderson, a pseud name to protect her identity because of death threats on US interrogators. Anderson has left Guantanomo but is still working in intelligence.

If you have a statement of personal belief you'd like to send us, visit our website for details, that's npr.org/thisibelieve. Or you can also find a link to our weekly podcast. For this I believe, I am J. Alison.

J. Alison is coeditor with Dan Gadamin, John Gregory and Vicky Merick of the book This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women. Support for this I believe comes from Prudential Retirement¹³.

This I believe is produced for NPR by This I Believe incorporated at Atlantic Public Media. For more essays in the series, please visit npr.org/thisibelieve.

1 interrogator   

n.讯问者；审问者；质问者；询问器

参考例句：

• No,I was not mad, but my interrogator was furious. 不，我没疯，只是质问我的人怒不可遏。 来自互联网
• Miss Fan lacked such an interrogator with whom she could whisper intimately. 范小姐就缺少这样一个切切私语的盘问者。 来自互联网

2 remarkable   

adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的

参考例句：

• She has made remarkable headway in her writing skills.她在写作技巧方面有了长足进步。
• These cars are remarkable for the quietness of their engines.这些汽车因发动机没有噪音而不同凡响。

3 naval   

adj.海军的，军舰的，船的

参考例句：

• He took part in a great naval battle.他参加了一次大海战。
• The harbour is an important naval base.该港是一个重要的海军基地。

4 detention   

n.滞留，停留；拘留，扣留；(教育)留下

参考例句：

• He was kept in detention by the police.他被警察扣留了。
• He was in detention in connection with the bribery affair.他因与贿赂事件有牵连而被拘留了。

5 civilized   

a.有教养的，文雅的

参考例句：

• Racism is abhorrent to a civilized society. 文明社会憎恶种族主义。
• rising crime in our so-called civilized societies 在我们所谓文明社会中日益增多的犯罪行为

6 civilian   

adj.平民的，民用的，民众的

参考例句：

• There is no reliable information about civilian casualties.关于平民的伤亡还没有确凿的信息。
• He resigned his commission to take up a civilian job.他辞去军职而从事平民工作。

7 contractor   

n.订约人，承包人，收缩肌

参考例句：

• The Tokyo contractor was asked to kick $ 6000 back as commission.那个东京的承包商被要求退还6000美元作为佣金。
• The style of house the contractor builds depends partly on the lay of the land.承包商所建房屋的式样，有几分要看地势而定。

8 redeem   

v.买回，赎回，挽回，恢复，履行（诺言等）

参考例句：

• He had no way to redeem his furniture out of pawn.他无法赎回典当的家具。
• The eyes redeem the face from ugliness.这双眼睛弥补了他其貌不扬之缺陷。

9 sleepless   

adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的

参考例句：

• The situation gave her many sleepless nights.这种情况害她一连好多天睡不好觉。
• One evening I heard a tale that rendered me sleepless for nights.一天晚上，我听说了一个传闻，把我搞得一连几夜都不能入睡。

10 exhausted   

adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。

11 sanity   

n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确

参考例句：

• I doubt the sanity of such a plan.我怀疑这个计划是否明智。
• She managed to keep her sanity throughout the ordeal.在那场磨难中她始终保持神志正常。

12 unconditionally   

adv.无条件地

参考例句：

• All foreign troops must be withdrawn immediately and unconditionally. 所有外国军队必须立即无条件地撤出。
• It makes things very awkward to have your girls going back unconditionally just now! 你们现在是无条件上工，真糟糕！ 来自子夜部分

13 retirement   

n.退休，退职

参考例句：

• She wanted to enjoy her retirement without being beset by financial worries.她想享受退休生活而不必为金钱担忧。
• I have to put everything away for my retirement.我必须把一切都积蓄起来以便退休后用。