TED演讲:一段无人了解的经历(4)

Perhaps my parents could have found out and could have helped.

也许我的父母本能够发现并给我帮助。

But the years of constant caretaking, having to wake up every two hours to turn me,

但是经年累月的康复照看，不得不每两个小时就醒来让我翻身，

combined with them essentially¹ grieving the loss of their son, had taken a toll² on my mother and father.

加上失去一个儿子的沉痛伤悲，让我的父母觉得难以招架。

Following yet another heated argument between my parents, in a moment of despair and desperation, my mother turned to me and told me that I should die.

随着父母之间的一次激烈的争吵，在那么一个绝望的氛围之下我的母亲看向了我对我说“你应该去死”。

I was shocked, but as I thought about what she had said, I was filled with enormous compassion³ and love for my mother, yet I could do nothing about it.

我非常震惊，但是当我思考她所说的话，我感觉到了对我的母亲的巨大同情和爱，但我对此无能为力。

There were many moments when I gave up, sinking into a dark abyss. I remember one particularly low moment.

很多次我决定放弃，不如就此沉入黑暗的深渊，我仍能记起一次极端低潮的时候。

My dad left me alone in the car while he quickly went to buy something from the store. A random⁴ stranger walked past, looked at me and he smiled.

我的父亲把我一个人留在车中，他一个人很快的去商店里买些东西，一个陌生人走过来看了我一眼，给了我一个微笑。

I may never know why, but that simple act, the fleeting⁵ moment of human connection, transformed how I was feeling, making me want to keep going.

我并不知道他为何笑，但那个简单的动作，那个瞬间人类间的交流改变了我的想法，让我非常想要坚持下去。

My existence was tortured by monotony, a reality that was often too much to bear.

我的生命被单调折磨，这是一个时常难以承受的现实。

Alone with my thoughts, I constructed intricate fantasies about ants running across the floor.

当我只与思维作伴时，我只能靠构建出的错综复杂的幻想度日，想象成群的蚂蚁在地板上穿行。

I taught myself to tell the time by noticing where the shadows were.

我学会通过观察阴影的位置来辨别时间。

As I learned how the shadows moved as the hours of the day passed, I understood how long it would be before I was picked up and taken home.

因为我观察出阴影是如何随着时间而移动，我逐渐能够判断出离回家还需要多久时间。

1 essentially   

adv.本质上，实质上，基本上

参考例句：

• Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
• She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。

2 toll   

n.过路(桥)费；损失，伤亡人数；v.敲(钟)

参考例句：

• The hailstone took a heavy toll of the crops in our village last night.昨晚那场冰雹损坏了我们村的庄稼。
• The war took a heavy toll of human life.这次战争夺去了许多人的生命。

3 compassion   

n.同情，怜悯

参考例句：

• He could not help having compassion for the poor creature.他情不自禁地怜悯起那个可怜的人来。
• Her heart was filled with compassion for the motherless children.她对于没有母亲的孩子们充满了怜悯心。

4 random   

adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动

参考例句：

• The list is arranged in a random order.名单排列不分先后。
• On random inspection the meat was found to be bad.经抽查，发现肉变质了。

5 fleeting   

adj.短暂的，飞逝的

参考例句：

• The girls caught only a fleeting glimpse of the driver.女孩们只匆匆瞥了一眼司机。
• Knowing the life fleeting,she set herself to enjoy if as best as she could.她知道这种日子转瞬即逝，于是让自已尽情地享受。