读者文摘:九则引人思考的笑话(3)

Seven. A man is driving home from work when his wife calls him on his cell phone.

一男子下班开车回家，这时他妻子给他打来电话。

"Phil!" she shouts in a panic, "Please be careful! I just heard that some lunatic is driving the wrong way on Route 80."

她惊慌地大叫，“菲尔，请小心！我刚听说有个疯子在80号公路上逆行。”

"You won't believe it, Doris," he replies. "It's not just one car; it's hundreds of them!"

丈夫说，“桃瑞丝，你不会相信的。不是一辆车在逆行；是成百上千辆车在逆行！”

In other words... Sometimes there is a reason everybody's doing it one way. (Yes, Mom, we hear you!)

换言之...有时候每个人都用一种方式做事是有原因的。（是的，妈妈，我们听到了！）

Eight. After weeks of rain, a town flooded and residents¹ had to be evacuated².

几周的雨水使一个镇子淹没了，镇子的居民不得不疏散。

At one house, rescue workers found a man standing³ waist-deep in water. "C'mon! Get in the boat!" the rescuers shouted.

在一个人家，救援者发现了一名男子站在齐腰深的水中。救援者喊道，“来吧！快上船！”

The man shouted back, "No! I have faith in God, and He will save me!"

这名男子喊道，“不！我信仰上帝，他会来救我的！”

Soon the floodwaters chased⁴ the man to the second floor. Luckily, though, another boat came by.

很快，洪水把这个人冲到了二楼。幸运的是，另一艘船经过。

"Get in the boat!" the rescuers urged. "No way!" the man said. "I have faith in God, and He will save me!"

“上船！”救援人员催促道。这名男子说道，“不可能！”“我相信上帝，他会救我的!”

The floodwaters continued to rise, and the man had to climb to the roof of his house.

洪水继续上涨，这个人不得不爬上屋顶。

Fortunately, a rescue helicopter came by and dropped a ladder for him. The pilot shouted through a megaphone, "Grab⁵ the ladder!"The man refused.

幸运的是，一架救援直升机经过，为他扔下了一架梯子。飞行员通过扩音器喊道：“抓住梯子！”那人拒绝了。

"No! I have faith in God, and He will save me!" But the floodwaters rose above the roof.

“不！我相信上帝，他必救我。”但是洪水涨到了屋顶上。

The man was swept away and drowned. When he arrived at the pearly gates, he demanded an audience with God.

那人被冲走淹死了。当他到达天国之门时，他要求见上帝。

"God," he said, "I was certain that you would save me, but you let me die.

他说，“上帝，我本以为你会救我，但你却让我死了。

Why? Why did you abandon me?" God replied, "What do you mean? I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"

为什么？你为什么要抛弃我？”上帝回答说：“你这是什么意思？我给你们派了两艘船和一架直升机！”

In other words... If you hold out for a gift tied up with a bow, you might miss the present right in front of you.

换言之...如果你坚持想要一个系着蝴蝶结的礼物，你可能会错过眼前的礼物。

Nine. A guy takes his date to a dinner at the local country club.

一个家伙带着他的约会对象去当地的乡村俱乐部吃晚餐。

It's an unusual setup: People have to wait in separate lines for each item on the menu.

这是一个不同寻常的设置：人们必须为菜单上的每一项单独排队等待。

As his date sits down, the guy volunteers to go get their dinner.

当他的约会对象坐下来的时候，他主动去取他们的晚餐。

First he waits in the line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for the potatoes.

他先排队买烤牛肉。然后他排队买土豆。

Then he waits in the vegetable line, the bread line, the salad line, and the gravy⁶ line.

然后他分别排队去买蔬菜、面包、沙拉和肉汁。

Finally he brings back two heaping⁷ plates of food. "Are you thirsty?" he asks his date.

最后，他带回了两盘堆积如山的食物。“你渴吗？”他问他的约会对象。

"What would you like to drink?" "A glass of punch⁸ would be nice," she says.

“你想喝什么？”“一杯潘趣酒就可以。”她说。

So the guy goes to get it. He finds a line for wine, a line for beer, a line for soda⁹, and even a line for milk.

所以他就去取酒。他看到了一条卖红酒的队列，一条卖啤酒的队列，一条卖汽水的队列，甚至还有一条卖牛奶的队列。

After considering all his options, he gives up and returns empty-handed.

在考虑了所有的选择之后，他放弃了，空手而归。

In other words... Sometimes there is no punch line. Know when to walk away.

换言之...有时候你买不到潘趣酒。你要知道什么时候走开。

1 residents   

n.居民( resident的名词复数 )；（旅馆的）住宿者

参考例句：

• Plans to build a new mall were deep-sixed after protests from local residents. 修建新室内购物中心的计划由于当地居民反对而搁浅。
• Local residents have reacted angrily to the news. 当地居民对这一消息表示愤怒。

2 evacuated   

撤退者的

参考例句：

• Police evacuated nearby buildings. 警方已将附近大楼的居民疏散。
• The fireman evacuated the guests from the burning hotel. 消防队员把客人们从燃烧着的旅馆中撤出来。

3 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

4 chased   

vt.追捕（chase的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• The boy chased his sister in and out among the bushes. 那个男孩在灌木丛里跟着他姐姐追过来追过去。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The enemy chased the decoys down to the place of ambush. 敌人将诱骗者一直追到伏兵所在地。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 grab   

vt./n.攫取，抓取；vi.攫取，抓住(at)

参考例句：

• It is rude to grab a seat.抢占座位是不礼貌的。
• The thief made a grab at my bag but I pushed him away.贼想抢我的手提包，但被我推开了。

6 gravy   

n.肉汁；轻易得来的钱，外快

参考例句：

• You have spilled gravy on the tablecloth.你把肉汁泼到台布上了。
• The meat was swimming in gravy.肉泡在浓汁之中。

7 heaping   

adj.堆得很高的，放得太多的；堆量

参考例句：

• If you do it, you will be heaping up trouble for yourself. 如果你那样做，那你就是在自找麻烦了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Our host was very generous, heaping a plate of food to us. 主人十分慷慨，给我们装了一盘食物。 来自《简明英汉词典》

8 punch   

v.用拳猛击；用打孔机打孔

参考例句：

• The boxer gave his opponent a punch on the nose.这个拳击手朝他对手的鼻子上猛击一拳。
• He laid his opponent low with a single punch.他一拳猛击便把对手打倒在地。

9 soda   

n.苏打水；汽水

参考例句：

• She doesn't enjoy drinking chocolate soda.她不喜欢喝巧克力汽水。
• I will freshen your drink with more soda and ice cubes.我给你的饮料重加一些苏打水和冰块。