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(单词翻译:双击或拖选)
Astropup promised us a follow-up to the previous story and here it is. It’s his most spectacular adventure yet. Listen and learn how the Major Parrot saved the world from a brainwave attack by a fleet of alien birds.
This story is sponsored by MeeGenius – with thanks for their support.
Story by Bertie.
Read by Richard.
Hello,
This is Richard, and I’m here to introduce the latest space adventure featuring Astropup and his comrade, the Parrot, who is a Major in the Space Force. If you heard the most recent story, you’ll know that the Parrot has stood trial for Disobeying Orders. The Court Martial2 cleared him of all charges on the grounds that he was not a rational or responsible being. He was so insulted that he resigned his commission and retired3 to a bird sanctuary4 in England. But as you will hear in this story, destiny called on the Parrot to save the world.
But before the story, I’d just like to tell you about this week’s sponsor, The MeeGenius app. MeGenius costs $1.99 from the Apple store, and with it you receive 12 enhanced audio books for free. All you have to do is download the MeeGenius app to your iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad and you can enjoy their enhanced audio stories with illustrations and word highlighting. That’s the MeeGenius app from the Apple store or MeeGenius.com.
And now I will bow out, and let Astropup take up our story.
Almost everything I have described so far in this memoir5, I have witnessed with my own eyes, or smelt6 with my own nose. This chapter is different. Most of these events took place in a place called England, and as I might have mentioned, I’m currently stationed in the Middle East. I heard what I’m about to tell you from the Parrot Major. But you can trust every word of it, because he’s a most particular and precise bird in my experience, and not at all prone8 to exaggeration.
Now somewhere up there, in the outer reaches of darkest space, there is a giant ship shaped like a bird. I’ve described it before. It has an enormous beak9 that snaffles up any spaceship that is unlucky enough to wonder across its path. This story begins with that Ship of Birds swallowing a stray spacecraft.
Inside the belly10 of the ship, the zillions of birds who flocked around the captured capsule were in luck. When they pecked it open, they found that it was full of rubbish – I mean the sort of stuff that humans don’t want to eat – like cold baked beans, mouldy sliced bread, bacon rind, and nuclear waste. It was mixed in with more useless stuff, like plastic bags, tin cans, and glass bottles, but there was enough nutritious11 garbage in there to feed a flock of gulls12 for half a year. In other words, it was a better catch than you usually find floating around the cosmos13.
I don’t want to baffle you with science, but it’s worth reminding you that this inter-galactic aviary14 is powered by electrical impulses generated by bird brains. The commander-in-chief is a wise old owl15 who sits at the top of the ship’s tree, and whose mighty16 mind is plugged directly into the navigation and life support systems. When the rubbish capsule came to his attention, he wanted to know which planet was rich, fertile, and free from hunger enough, to jettison17 such rich pickings of food into outer-space. He applied18 his intelligence to the problem, and traced its origin back to Earth.
He found that our beautiful blue planet has so much more to offer than garbage. It’s full of delicious seeds and fresh water. The gardens are teaming with worms. There is no shortage of mice and other lovely vermin that the birds with long talons19 like to snack on. The trees provide wonderful branches for nesting. He saw that there was a native bird population, but that they were inferior in brain power, backward in technology, and could easily be enslaved. As for the humans, he assessed that they were a bit more advanced , but primitive20 none the less. The only negative that he could discover were the cats, but they were as yet to develop any advanced weaponry beyond their teeth and claws. After years of wondering in space, the owl had found the perfect bird colony. That must have been when he took the decision to invade our world.
First in were an advance party of elite21 sparrow hawks22. They began to take out the pigeons who are famous for hopping23 around Trafalgar Square in the centre of London. Eagles struck stray cats in the city of Milan in Northern Italy. Owls24 came in under the cover of darkness and began to take over barns in mid7 west of the United States.
The humans noted25 some of these strange occurrences, and reports appeared in the news, but nobody was much bothered. For who on Earth speaks up for the rights of pigeons or stray cats? Animals and birds do not have a voice in the parliaments of the humans. We are treated like, well, animals…anyway, I digress…
These early victories were all too easy. They fuelled the confidence of invading flocks. More space shuttles landed with more and more birds. They began to muster26 their forces unseen in the woods. The greatest concentration of them was on the rainy island known as Great Britain. This is also where the Parrot happened to be living at the time, and he was able to describe the events there in detail.
The skies of Southern England were filled with the silhouettes27 of the invading bird fleet. They blocked out the sunlight as they passed overhead. The tweeting and twittering was deafening28. They landed to feed, and soon the crops in the fields were devastated29, and the famous rose gardens of England were laid to waste. Those greedy birds were a giant eating machine. It was a bad time to be a worm or a caterpillar30. Anything small that showed its head was gobbled up.
The invaders31 were following the course of the River Thames. The Prime Minister decided32 he must take action before they reached the capital city, London. He picked up his red phone and called the commander of the Royal Air Force otherwise known as The Few, because they have so few aircraft. The entire force – half a dozen fighter jets in all – scrambled33 to intercept34 the bothersome birds. But what could they do? Their missiles just flew straight through the flocks, and in between the feathered-bodies.
There were some impressive whiz-bang explosions in the sky, singed35 feathers and angry birds. Instead of flying away, the invaders wheeled round and flew towards the jets. The pilots found that their vision was blackened on all sides. Some of the birds quite suicidally flew into the engines. The finely tuned36 machines choked and spluttered, and the jets spiralled through the skies and crashed in flames in the fields.
An hour later, the birds descended37 on the landmarks38 of London – Hyde Park, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, and Tower Bridge to name a few. Things were looking grim. There is a legend that when the black ravens39 who guard the Tower of London leave their posts, that will be when the moment the city will fall to invaders. Well a rumour40 started to spread that they had flown away in terror from the strange in-coming birds.
They were all over the city. You couldn’t walk down the street without getting a face full of feathers, or your nose pecked, or your head pooped on. The Queen cancelled her garden party. The MCC called off the cricket match at Lords. The Kennel41 Club postponed42 Crufts! All the cafes, pubs, and restaurants closed, because as soon as you put food on the table, it was gone as soon as you could say “tweet tweet.”
The people of London, who include more or less every nationality of the world, resisted the bird blitz with brollies, walking sticks, and bits of scaffolding. The fire brigade turned their hoses on the winged attackers. Builders and window-cleaners struggled with dive-bombing gulls at the tops of high buildings. Policemen took out their notebooks and filed lengthy44 reports. And though I’m no fan of cats, I must say that the feline45 population fought bravely too. Dogs, of course, lack the stealth and the sharp claws to deal effectively with feathered pests, but I’m told that the brigade of dogs valiantly46 woofed their vocal47 support and chased the birds out of the garden squares.
Finally, after three dark days, the flock of birds moved on. They had pecked every last crisp crumb48 off the pavements of London. They headed for Epping Forrest, and then for the midlands, and the farmers’ fields.
Now what I’m about to tell you is a state secret, but as we now know that dumb animals are immune from persecution49 i’m going to tell you anyway. The War Cabinet, chaired by the Prime Minister, had decided that crop sprayers would fly over the invaders and cover them with poison. The countryside would be littered with the bodies of diseased birds, and pretty much any other living thing that was unfortunate enough to be sprinkled with the deadly spray. It was a ghastly scenario50, but there were no other viable51 weapons at the humans’ disposal.
What the people did not understand, and failed to calculate, was that way out in space, a wise old owl was monitoring the humans’ communications and knew all about their panic and plots. The humans had no idea where the birds had hatched out so suddenly and in such numbers, and although many theories were floated, nobody seemed to have suggested that they could have come from another world altogether. That is why what happened next was so unexpected.
The birds’ commander-in-chief gathered his flock of top thinkers – some of the most high-powered parrots and parakeets in the Universe – and told them to focus their brain waves on the Earths’ communication systems. The effect was instant and devastating52. Mobile phones went dead. The fiber53 optic cables clogged54 up. The satellites switched off. There was no TV, no radio, no Internet. Ordinary people suddenly found themselves back in the age of the typewriter. The only communications coming in and out of Government were either on paper, or in Morse code tapped along copper55 telegraph wires. You might think all this would have negligible effect on the animal population, but you would think wrong. The shops did not know how to order their pet food. Dogs went without their meaty chunks56. Birds missed out on their seed.
And that was when our friend the Parrot – formally a Major in the Space Force – could hold his beak no longer. Hitherto he had been monitoring events from his bird sanctuary in the South-West of England. He had followed it all on Twitter, and he admitted to me later that had a feeling of satisfaction at the humans’ problems – he used some long learnt Germanic word for it which I forget. Shardan-fraden-WUFF! or something like that. He wasn’t exactly gloating, but he thought to himself that only he knew who was behind these avian attacks, and if they hadn’t hounded him out of the Space Force, how useful he would be to the humans now! At last he could watch on no more. He resolved that the time had come to intervene.
And so the Parrot discharged himself from the sanctuary and flew down to the British navel base in the port of Plymouth.
Imagine a Rear Admiral of the Royal Navy, sitting around with his officers, unable to communicate with his frigates57 and submarines and what-have-you out on the ocean wave. There was absolutely nothing for them to do – so in the time-honoured tradition of all salty sea-worthy types they were playing cards and drinking rum. In flies a parrot – like something that belongs on the shoulder of a pirate – and says:
“I must get a message to the Prime Minister.”
Well I don’t have to tell you that they weren’t at all persuaded by this avian utterance58. In those dark days, anyone wearing a coat of feathers fell under immediate59 suspicion. In fact, if you were a bird, you were lucky if they didn’t shoot you on sight. And so it was entirely60 in the spirit of the times that the Rear Admiral drew his pistol from a drawer and pointed61 it straight between our bird’s beady eyes.
The Parrot said:
“Go ahead and shoot. But if you do you’ll destroy the world’s last chance of survival.”
Well a line like that was enough to give even a drunken sailor pause for thought.
“If you don’t mind sir, “ said one of the more clear-headed junior officers, “before you pull the trigger, I’d just like to ask that bird where he learnt to speak English like that. “
“Good idea,” said the Rear Admiral, “I was curious about that too. Better interrogate62 the prisoner.”
The junior officer stood up, steadied himself, and walked over to the window sill where the Parrot was perching.
“Well bird. You heard. Speak.”
Now our Parrot is a cool-headed customer, and just to show that he wasn’t going to be pushed around that easily, he casually63 scratched the back of his head with his claw. After a longish silence he said: “Say the magic word and I might help you.”
The sailor looked around the room hoping for some advice. When none was forth64 coming he sighed and said: “Alright. Pretty please.”
“That’s better,” replied the Parrot. “For your information, I taught myself English, and I’m currently studying Egyptian Hieroglyphics65, but that’s by the by. I’m a former Major in The Space Force, and while on a Top Secret Mission to the out-reaches of the galaxy66, I made contact with the commander in chief of the birds who are currently attacking this planet. Gentlemen, we are dealing67 with an alien intelligence that is far more formidable than any force previously68 encountered. I’m pretty sure that I know how we can counter this attack before it is too late for the world. I must speak to the Prime Minister urgently.”
Now if the Rear Admiral had heard this speech from a human being, he would probably have considered him to be certifiably stark69 raving70 mad. But he was so struck by this Parrot’s ability to speak fluent English that he saw that this was a matter that could only be decided at the highest levels. He immediately made his car available to whisk the Parrot to London.
Four hours later, the Parrot addressed an emergency meeting of the War Cabinet at Number 10 Downing Street. The Prime Minister introduced him to the assembled ministers, generals and scientists with the words:
“What you are about to hear will completely change your understanding of the Universe and everything for ever.”
The Parrot hopped71 onto the PM’s shoulder and made a sound like this – “SQUAAAARK!” The faces around the room looked at the Prime Minister with somewhat puzzled expressions. What were they to make of a man who brought a pet to work at a time like this? And then, after a painful silence, the Parrot said: “Just kidding, in actual fact I can talk just like you.”
And that got their attention. They were, as the saying goes, gob-smacked.
“And if you think I’m smart,” continued the Parrot, “think again. The birds who are currently attacking our world are a 100 times smarter than I am. They have shut down your telecommunication72 systems. That was but a trivial matter for them. They achieved it by the power of thought alone. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen, we are experiencing a brain wave attack by some of the most powerful minds in the universe. But fear not, for I have the solution. We must deploy73 a thought field to protect the world against the mind-attack.”
Again, I tell you, if they had heard these words from one of their own, they would have called in the men in white coats to cart him off to the loony bin43. But when you meet a Parrot who has the power to talk, it’s pretty impressive. It changes everything. Still, there were those around the table who thought that it was madness to do as the bird said. Some said that he was a circus trick. Others, that he was an enemy agent. They would have checked him out on the internet; only it wasn’t working. In the end, they had no choice but to believe him, because the food of the world was being gobbled up so fast that soon there would be nothing left to eat.
It took 48 hours to fully74 mobilise the army. Convoys75 of trucks headed west to Wales and North to Scotland. The soldiers slung76 kit77 bags over their shoulders and began to trek78 up the tracks to the tops of the mountains. On the way up they were harassed79 by hawks and falcons80, but they fought off the air born attackers. All in all 15,000 men camped at or near the gusty81 peaks of the Cairngorms and the Grampian mountain range. Their heads were quite literally82 in the clouds. Some of the platoon sergeants83 hung wind-chimes on tent-poles, and they swung to and fro, ringing out at random84. Then the order came for the troops to lay down their weapons and sit cross-legged on the ground. This and the following manoeuvre85 was all according to the precise instructions laid down by the Parrot. It was an entirely new form of warfare86 – defence through tantric meditation87. The men and women of the British armed forces closed their eyes and began to breath in the mountain air slowly and deeply. As they did so, they counted each breath backwards88, 100 – 99 – 98 -97 and so forth. When eventually they reached zero they began to chant:
“Ommmmmmmmmmmm”…
The unit commanders timed the chant – at the end of half an hour they banged gongs and tinkled89 little triangles. The soldiers changed their chant:
“MEEEEEEEEEE__OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”
I think by now you may have gathered an appreciation90 of the true genius of the Parrot. He had devised the perfect counter-attack to fend91 off the feathered offensive. If there’s one sound that’s bound to break a bird’s brain wave it’s mee-ooww. The deep collective meditation of the armed forces reached out far and wide – even into outer space – for there is nothing so powerful as thought. And if the truth be known, the power of human soul is one of the strongest forces in the universe – and when it is correctly channelled it can easily overcome an alien invasion. It’s just that on a normal day, people waste so much of their thinking capacity on trivial pursuits like face-book, or computer games, or Saturday morning cartoons. When human thought is correctly channelled and concentrated there is no force that can match it.
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1
proofread
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| vt.校正，校对 | |
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martial
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| adj.战争的，军事的，尚武的，威武的 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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sanctuary
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| n.圣所，圣堂，寺庙；禁猎区，保护区 | |
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memoir
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| n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录 | |
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smelt
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| v.熔解，熔炼；n.银白鱼，胡瓜鱼 | |
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mid
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| adj.中央的，中间的 | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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beak
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| n.鸟嘴，茶壶嘴，钩形鼻 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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nutritious
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| adj.有营养的，营养价值高的 | |
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gulls
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| n.鸥( gull的名词复数 )v.欺骗某人( gull的第三人称单数 ) | |
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cosmos
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| n.宇宙；秩序，和谐 | |
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aviary
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| n.大鸟笼，鸟舍 | |
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owl
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| n.猫头鹰，枭 | |
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mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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jettison
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| n.投弃，投弃货物 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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talons
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| n.（尤指猛禽的）爪( talon的名词复数 )；（如爪般的）手指；爪状物；锁簧尖状突出部 | |
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primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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elite
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| n.精英阶层；实力集团；adj.杰出的，卓越的 | |
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hawks
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| 鹰( hawk的名词复数 )； 鹰派人物，主战派人物 | |
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hopping
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| n. 跳跃 动词hop的现在分词形式 | |
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owls
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| n.猫头鹰( owl的名词复数 ) | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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silhouettes
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| 轮廓( silhouette的名词复数 )； （人的）体形； （事物的）形状； 剪影 | |
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deafening
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| adj. 振耳欲聋的, 极喧闹的 动词deafen的现在分词形式 | |
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devastated
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| v.彻底破坏( devastate的过去式和过去分词)；摧毁；毁灭；在感情上（精神上、财务上等）压垮adj.毁坏的；极为震惊的 | |
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caterpillar
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| n.毛虫，蝴蝶的幼虫 | |
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invaders
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| 入侵者，侵略者，侵入物( invader的名词复数 ) | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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scrambled
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| v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞 | |
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intercept
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| vt.拦截，截住，截击 | |
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singed
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| v.浅表烧焦( singe的过去式和过去分词 )；（毛发）燎，烧焦尖端[边儿] | |
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tuned
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| adj.调谐的，已调谐的v.调音( tune的过去式和过去分词 )；调整；（给收音机、电视等）调谐；使协调 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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landmarks
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| n.陆标( landmark的名词复数 )；目标；（标志重要阶段的）里程碑 ~ (in sth)；有历史意义的建筑物（或遗址） | |
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ravens
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| n.低质煤；渡鸦( raven的名词复数 ) | |
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rumour
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| n.谣言，谣传，传闻 | |
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kennel
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| n.狗舍，狗窝 | |
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postponed
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| vt.& vi.延期，缓办，（使）延迟vt.把…放在次要地位；[语]把…放在后面（或句尾）vi.（疟疾等）延缓发作（或复发） | |
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bin
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| n.箱柜；vt.放入箱内；[计算机] DOS文件名:二进制目标文件 | |
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lengthy
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| adj.漫长的，冗长的 | |
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feline
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| adj.猫科的 | |
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valiantly
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| adv.勇敢地，英勇地；雄赳赳 | |
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vocal
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| adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
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crumb
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| n.饼屑，面包屑，小量 | |
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persecution
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| n. 迫害,烦扰 | |
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scenario
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| n.剧本，脚本；概要 | |
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viable
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| adj.可行的，切实可行的，能活下去的 | |
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devastating
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| adj.毁灭性的，令人震惊的，强有力的 | |
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fiber
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| n.纤维，纤维质 | |
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clogged
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| （使）阻碍( clog的过去式和过去分词 )； 淤滞 | |
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copper
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| n.铜；铜币；铜器；adj.铜(制)的；(紫)铜色的 | |
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chunks
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| 厚厚的一块( chunk的名词复数 )； （某物）相当大的数量或部分 | |
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frigates
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| n.快速军舰( frigate的名词复数 ) | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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60
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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61
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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62
interrogate
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| vt.讯问，审问，盘问 | |
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63
casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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64
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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65
hieroglyphics
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| n.pl.象形文字 | |
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66
galaxy
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| n.星系；银河系；一群(杰出或著名的人物) | |
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67
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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68
previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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69
stark
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| adj.荒凉的；严酷的；完全的；adv.完全地 | |
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70
raving
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| adj.说胡话的；疯狂的，怒吼的；非常漂亮的；令人醉心[痴心]的v.胡言乱语(rave的现在分词)n.胡话；疯话adv.胡言乱语地；疯狂地 | |
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71
hopped
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| 跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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72
telecommunication
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| n.电信，远距离通信 | |
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73
deploy
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| v.（军）散开成战斗队形，布置，展开 | |
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74
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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75
convoys
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| n.（有护航的）船队( convoy的名词复数 )；车队；护航（队）；护送队 | |
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76
slung
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| 抛( sling的过去式和过去分词 )； 吊挂； 遣送； 押往 | |
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77
kit
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| n.用具包，成套工具；随身携带物 | |
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78
trek
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| vi.作长途艰辛的旅行；n.长途艰苦的旅行 | |
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79
harassed
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| adj. 疲倦的，厌烦的 动词harass的过去式和过去分词 | |
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80
falcons
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| n.猎鹰( falcon的名词复数 ) | |
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81
gusty
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| adj.起大风的 | |
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82
literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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83
sergeants
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| 警官( sergeant的名词复数 )； （美国警察）警佐； （英国警察）巡佐； 陆军（或空军）中士 | |
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84
random
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| adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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85
manoeuvre
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| n.策略，调动；v.用策略，调动 | |
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86
warfare
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| n.战争(状态)；斗争；冲突 | |
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87
meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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88
backwards
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| adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地 | |
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89
tinkled
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| （使）发出丁当声，（使）发铃铃声( tinkle的过去式和过去分词 )； 叮当响着发出，铃铃响着报出 | |
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90
appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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91
fend
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| v.照料（自己），（自己）谋生，挡开，避开 | |
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92
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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