分道扬镳：浅析男女友情观

Let's get the male and female perspectives on all this. David Zinczenko is editor-in-chief of Men's Health magazine and BJ Gallagher is a sociologist¹ and author of the book "Friends Are Everything". Hey folks, good to see you(Hi. Good to see you...).

Well, let's start with that piece left up/out, do you think men are less likely to kick a guy to the...or a friend to the curb² than women are?

Well, well, female and male friendships are very different. I think like Tape P said, women have these intense emotions and strong feelings, but men kinda characterize their friendships through activities like they have golf buddies³, drinking buddies, poker⁴ buddies, work buddies. Women don't tend to say, "Oh, I'm getting together with my shopping buddy⁵ today." So it's more about circumstance and convenience. I think.

So, women are more emotional when it comes to friendships and ending them?

Absolutely, women are more global in their friendships. We are more likely to have a best friend that we do everything with. We shop with. We have tea with. We, you know we raise our kids together. Men, as David pointed⁶ out, are more er, instrumental in their friendships. They compartmentalize their friendships. Women don't, oughta/are too global.

So when it comes time to end a friendship, let's talk about some scenarios⁷ and you tell me you think the best way to do this would be quote, all right? Let's say it's not a betrayal, let's just we've grown apart, all right? We used to think we had something in common. We don't get along as well as we used to. Do you just let it fade away? Do you have that talk?

Now I, I don't really think you need the ta...talk. For guys, if you wanna, if you wanna dry up the goodwill⁸ tank quickly, what you do is that you resort to the time-tested method of laziness and unresponsiveness. Guys have big egos⁹.They are gonna take the small slights to heart. You blow them off a couple of times for drinks, they're good. If they don't get the hint though and they go like Jim Carrey in the Cable Guy on you and they become stalkers and obsessive(right). You go right to the, right to the source. You get all the stuff you borrowed from them, you put it on the front lawn and it sends an instinct signal 'you've been broken up with'.

BJ, neglect or confrontation¹⁰, which one do you go with?

Women will always go with the neglect first because the confrontation is too painful and women are trained to be nice. We are trained not to hurt one another's feelings. We wanna make nice, so we try to like ease away, but if that doesn't work, then you gotta go for the confrontation.

All right, and let's take the other one, betrayal, all right? A friend of yours has done something awful to you. Again, do you walk away, take the high ground or do you go with the confrontation?

In that case, women are much more likely to go with the confrontation. The men are more likely to sort of try to weasel out of it, particularly if it' a male-female friendship, but the woman will say, "This doesn't work for me." For, first of all, she'll go tell all of her other girlfriends and say, "Guess what so-and-so did? Can you believe this? Oh I just blah blah blah", and then she'll go have the confrontation. The men, they'll just try to...

So first you smear¹¹ the reputation and then you address the problem?

No, no, no, it's not smearing¹², it's gaining moral support.

OK.

And, and I think for guys, you know, look, a guy break up, a, a, a 'bromance' breakup is never forever. You can, you can steal his girl, kill his dog, burn down his house and five years later you're gonna run into him in a bar and he's gonna say, "Why did we grow apart? What, what happened? Can I borrow your golf clubs? "

We forget a lot quickly, a lot more quickly.

Woman will never forget. You could hurt her feelings or do something and she'll remind you of it for years.

Let me ask you about saving a friendship. Let's say, you're the other side of the coin. Let's say you are the person who's all of a sudden being ignored or even confronted, that the friendship is over, is there any way to save a friendship once that happens?

Sure, I mean, guys have very little emotional cognition. Again, the short memories, shorter emotional memories, just wait it out.

With women you really have to find out what the, what the problem means. I mean here's the bottom line: it takes two yeses to make a friendship. It only takes one no to end it, and so even if the other woman still wants to be friends, if you don't, it's over, or vice¹³ versa. If you still wanna be friends, but she is done with you, it's over, she is done.

In the end, in the end, will we put up with things from friends that we wouldn't put up with from a boyfriend or a girlfriend?

Oh, oh, yeah, I think so. (absolutely) I mean there are some guys who are more loyal than a US marine¹⁴. I mean they will stay friends with you for life no matter what, through thick and thin and put up with just about anything.

Yeah. Absolutely. I mean I always say that, that the men in my life come and go but my girlfriends are forever.

All right, good advice, BJ, David, thanks very much.

Thank you, Matt.

1 sociologist   

n.研究社会学的人，社会学家

参考例句：

• His mother was a sociologist,researching socialism.他的母亲是个社会学家，研究社会主义。
• Max Weber is a great and outstanding sociologist.马克斯·韦伯是一位伟大的、杰出的社会学家。

2 curb   

n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制

参考例句：

• I could not curb my anger.我按捺不住我的愤怒。
• You must curb your daughter when you are in church.你在教堂时必须管住你的女儿。

3 buddies   

n.密友( buddy的名词复数 )；同伴；弟兄；（用于称呼男子，常带怒气）家伙v.（如密友、战友、伙伴、弟兄般）交往( buddy的第三人称单数 )；做朋友；亲近（…）；伴护艾滋病人

参考例句：

• We became great buddies. 我们成了非常好的朋友。 来自辞典例句
• The two of them have become great buddies. 他们俩成了要好的朋友。 来自辞典例句

4 poker   

n.扑克；vt.烙制

参考例句：

• He was cleared out in the poker game.他打扑克牌，把钱都输光了。
• I'm old enough to play poker and do something with it.我打扑克是老手了，可以玩些花样。

5 buddy   

n.（美口）密友，伙伴

参考例句：

• Calm down,buddy.What's the trouble?压压气，老兄。有什么麻烦吗？
• Get out of my way,buddy!别挡道了，你这家伙！

6 pointed   

adj.尖的，直截了当的

参考例句：

• He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
• She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。

7 scenarios   

n.[意]情节；剧本；事态；脚本

参考例句：

• Further, graphite cores may be safer than non-graphite cores under some accident scenarios. 再者，根据一些事故解说，石墨堆芯可比非石墨堆芯更安全一些。 来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法
• Again, scenarios should make it clear which modes are acceptable to users in various contexts. 同样，我们可以运用场景剧本来搞清楚在不同情境下哪些模式可被用户接受。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓

8 goodwill   

n.善意，亲善，信誉，声誉

参考例句：

• His heart is full of goodwill to all men.他心里对所有人都充满着爱心。
• We paid ￡10,000 for the shop,and ￡2000 for its goodwill.我们用一万英镑买下了这家商店，两千英镑买下了它的信誉。

9 egos   

自我，自尊，自负( ego的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Their egos are so easily bruised. 他们的自尊心很容易受到伤害。
• The belief in it issues from the puerile egos of inferior men. 这种信仰是下等人幼稚的自私意识中产生的。

10 confrontation   

n.对抗，对峙，冲突

参考例句：

• We can't risk another confrontation with the union.我们不能冒再次同工会对抗的危险。
• After years of confrontation,they finally have achieved a modus vivendi.在对抗很长时间后，他们最后达成安宁生存的非正式协议。

11 smear   

v.涂抹；诽谤，玷污；n.污点；诽谤，污蔑

参考例句：

• He has been spreading false stories in an attempt to smear us.他一直在散布谎言企图诽谤我们。
• There's a smear on your shirt.你衬衫上有个污点。

12 smearing   

污点，拖尾效应

参考例句：

• The small boy spoilt the picture by smearing it with ink. 那孩子往画上抹墨水把画给毁了。
• Remove the screen carefully so as to avoid smearing the paste print. 小心的移开丝网，以避免它弄脏膏印。

13 vice   

n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的

参考例句：

• He guarded himself against vice.他避免染上坏习惯。
• They are sunk in the depth of vice.他们堕入了罪恶的深渊。

14 marine   

adj.海的；海生的；航海的；海事的；n.水兵

参考例句：

• Marine creatures are those which live in the sea. 海洋生物是生存在海里的生物。
• When the war broke out,he volunteered for the Marine Corps.战争爆发时，他自愿参加了海军陆战队。