访谈录 Interview 2007-07-02&07-04, 爱让我们永远年轻

Maybe it's even, greater. I love all these, Pepper Schwartz is a sociologist¹ and author of "Prime²: adventures and advice on sex, love and the sensual years". Pepper, good morning to you. Now this book is extremely personal, you were married for 23 years and you've recently divorced³. How did you feel about kind of putting all of your personal business into, into a book?

Well, it was hard, I mean, to make a decision. Once you made the decision, you know, you go, move ahead. But I felt as an educator, I teach at the University of Washington, that sometimes the best education is personal, your life, the ups, the downs, the heartbreaks, the triumphs⁴. And then get some lessons from it.

So was it tough, I mean how did you start off, getting back into the dating world, after 23 years of being married. What's the first thing you did?

Well, I tried to lose weight, that's the first thing I did. But the second thing was just to get my mind in shape, just say ok, I really want to find somebody, if you say what your goals are, if you are gonna get there. Then I went online, I was actually already a relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com. But I had never done it myself. So I had to go.

So what's it to go online?

Well, you know, you have to kind of prepare your ego⁵. Not everybody is gonna want you, not everybody is going to meet you and say oh, you are great. They are gonna say nothing. I'm going. So, you have to deal with that.

I love how you said you... I love how you said how you met a guy online who made,"animalized noises during conversation", and then you sort of met this tattoo-clad French guy. But what I love about you is you didn't just go plug your nose and say, Oh, that was horrible. You take little lessons away from these dates.

Oh, absolutely, I, at the end of every chapter, I say, here is what I learned⁶ out of the lesson; here is what you can too. I think, I think like an anthropologist⁷, I am out in the world, learning⁸ things I wouldn't normally⁹ learn. There is nothing I can't be educated by. And I don't even have to take this as, oh, gosh, another bad date. Because that's what a lot of women do, they say ok, there are three bad dates, it's over, I am not going there, I am done. No, you have to be able to be resilient, and look at it as education and you will find someone if you take, if you keep at it. Look.

Now, the woman, I love this, the woman in the peace would say that sex is better after fifty. Is it better after fifty?

Better for me. And it was always really good, so you know the question is are you more relaxed, can you ask for what you want, are you gonna take a little bit more time at it, do you sometimes say "hey, this doesn't have to be the most sacred act in the world." That can be kind of, like a sandwich, I describe it that way sometimes, you don't love the sandwich, you don't, hate the sandwich, you just want to eat the sandwich. So yes, it can be great, and more fulfilling¹⁰ and just more fun.

And you said that women should rethink some of the big no-nos they say in their life. Let me just list some of them. I will not travel out of town to meet someone I don't know well, I wouldn't let someone I had only met briefly¹¹ or online travel significant¹² distance to see me. I would never date someone significantly¹³ older or younger than me. I don't like partners significantly taller or shorter than me. I am not gonna approach someone who I think is attractive in an airport, restaurant or on the street. You said it's time to rethink that whole list, why not stick to those standards and say I'm not going to do those things?

Well, if you stick to those standards, you will be very, very lonely. Because there are just too many nos. I say why not. Particularly when you are over fifty or I don't know, any age, you say, let's start...you know, even so you had so much success of what I thought I want it. Why don't I take a look at the whole broad out there? And see what I can learn from it. Your question should be why not. It is supposed no-never. I try to get rid of never, period.

What kind of guys are looking for women in their fifties? Coz you always hear about these guys looking for these young 20 somethings or 30 somethings, who is looking for a woman in her forties or fifties?

Lots of men, thousands of men. Everybody says there is no good man. That's just simply not true. That's one way of saying I don't want to put myself out there. There are CEOs, there is professional athletes. They are just great guys, ordinary guys with good hearts, good character. Why would people be on the net worse than they are out there in everyday life. In fact, they are better. Because at least, at our side, many many of the others, they are looking for relationships. And I believe that when you are old, older, somebody wants a companion not a hookup.

Oh, Pepper, I gotta say, of all your books, this one is definitely¹⁴ the juiciest. It's all about, it's all about Pepper. Again, thank you so much. We appreciate you being on the show.

1 sociologist   

n.研究社会学的人，社会学家

参考例句：

• His mother was a sociologist,researching socialism.他的母亲是个社会学家，研究社会主义。
• Max Weber is a great and outstanding sociologist.马克斯·韦伯是一位伟大的、杰出的社会学家。

2 prime   

adj.首要的，主要的；最好的，第一流的

参考例句：

• The prime minister spoke of the general insecurity in the country.总理谈到了全国普遍存在的不安全。
• He met with the Prime Minister of Japan for an hour.他和日本首相会见了一个小时。

3 divorced   

adj.离婚的；分开的；不相干的；脱离的v.与…离婚(divorce的过去式和过去分词)；分离；与某人离婚，判某人离婚

参考例句：

• Apparently they are getting divorced soon. 看样子，他们很快就要离婚。
• Many divorced men remarry and have second families. 许多离婚的男子再婚组成了新的家庭。

4 triumphs   

n.胜利( triumph的名词复数 )；巨大的成就；（成功的）典范；（巨大成功或胜利的）心满意足v.获胜( triumph的第三人称单数 )；克服；打败；战胜

参考例句：

• one of the greatest triumphs of modern science 现代科学最重大的成就之一
• He achieved great triumphs. 他获得了巨大成功。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 ego   

n.自我，自己，自尊

参考例句：

• He is absolute ego in all thing.在所有的事情上他都绝对自我。
• She has been on an ego trip since she sang on television.她上电视台唱过歌之后就一直自吹自擂。

6 learned   

adj.有学问的，博学的；learn的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• He went into a rage when he learned about it.他听到这事后勃然大怒。
• In this little village,he passed for a learned man.在这个小村子里，他被视为有学问的人。

7 anthropologist   

n.人类学家，人类学者

参考例句：

• The lecturer is an anthropologist.这位讲师是人类学家。
• The anthropologist unearthed the skull of an ancient human at the site.人类学家在这个遗址挖掘出那块古人类的颅骨。

8 learning   

n.学问，学识，学习；动词learn的现在分词

参考例句：

• When you are learning to ride a bicycle,you often fall off.初学骑自行车时，常会从车上掉下来。
• Learning languages isn't just a matter of remembering words.学习语言不仅仅是记些单词的事。

9 normally   

adv.正常地，通常地

参考例句：

• I normally do all my shopping on Saturdays.我通常在星期六买东西。
• My pulse beats normally.我脉搏正常。

10 fulfilling   

adj.使人满足的，令人愉快的v.履行（诺言等）( fulfill的现在分词 )；执行（命令等）；达到（目的）；使结束；满足( fulfil的现在分词 )；执行；尽到；应验

参考例句：

• If you expect to fail, you will fail. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy . 你如果预期失败，就会失败。这是一种自我应验的预测。
• Nursing is hard work, but it can be very fulfilling. 护士工作很艰苦；但可以使人感到满足。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 briefly   

adv.简单地，简短地

参考例句：

• I want to touch briefly on another aspect of the problem.我想简单地谈一下这个问题的另一方面。
• He was kidnapped and briefly detained by a terrorist group.他被一个恐怖组织绑架并短暂拘禁。

12 significant   

adj.相当数量的；意义重大的；意味深长的

参考例句：

• Your success today may be significant for your whole future.你今天的成功对你的整个未来可能是重要的。
• She cast him a significant smile.她向他投去意味深长的一笑。

13 significantly   

adv.意味深长地；值得注目地

参考例句：

• Prices did not alter significantly during 2004. 2004年期间，价格没有大的变化。
• American English is significantly different from British English. 美国英语与英国英语有很大差异。

14 definitely   

adv.一定地，肯定地；明确地，确切地

参考例句：

• The team will definitely lose if he doesn't play.如果他不参加比赛，这个队肯定会输。
• I shall definitely be home before six o'clock.6点以前，我一定回家。