英语语法：12 Hey, That's Not Grammar Girl!

An April Fools' show in which Will Ross from 118 Migration¹ impersonates Grammar Girl.

Grammar Girl here...

This show is also sponsored by "Grammar Girls Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing." I've hidden a golden bookmark in five of the copies that were sent out, and the five lucky winners will be taken on a magical tour of my Lincoln Towncar, which they will also get to wash, wax and detail.
Today I'm going to answer some e-mails messages I've been avoiding!

(Click) So, first up, yet another "affect" versus² "effect." It's really pretty simple if you remember one phrase:
The questions I get over and over affect my mental well being, in effect, your question is killing³ me.
or how about
The effect of having to answer this again is a headache. Not even a glass of box-wine will affect this migraine.
Affect = Influence. Your often repeated questions affect me.

Effect = Result. The effect of this is that I count "affects" and "effects" in my sleep, and I may be going a bit mad.
(Click) Spam.
(Click) Oh, here's one.  "Dear Mignon,
My name is Ashley and I'm a freshman⁴ in high school. Can you tell me, in no fewer than two-thousand words, why the word "irregardless" should never be spoken by someone with less than a masters degree in English Composition. Please write it in my words; it's due by Friday. But it's not a homework assignment. But by Friday.
Ashley Anderson"
Dear Ashley,
Irregardless of the fact that you're trying to get me to do your English paper, I don't respond to people with such obviously contrived⁵ names.  Seriously, Will, Ashley Anderson? Why not just name her Peter Parker or Lois Lane. You're lucky I'm not paying you for this episode.
(Click) Nigerian down on his luck who needs my bank account number.

(Click) OK, here's one. Do periods go outside of quotation⁶ marks? NO. A thousand times no.  The quotation marks are the little yard, and the period is the dog. Keep the dog in the yard.
(Click) Ad.
(Click) Unsolicited pornography.
(Click) Ad for unsolicited pornography
(Click) Oh, OK, here's a question from Detective Lagrasse of the New Orleans Police department:

"Is it Elder Gods, or Elders God. Please let me know within two hours." Oh, good, it's from April 1 so I've still got ... oh ... 2007. Oops.
(Click) Why am I still getting newsletters from them. All I wanted was a coupon⁷.
(click) OK, another e-mail about the "color" versus "colour" debate, and if you didn't hear the "u" in the second, British spelling it's because it doesn't belong there. If you really want to get your writing noticed, dot your lower case i's with ninja stars.  British spellings belong in Britain where they can be cynically⁸ and dryly be over-pronounced through a thick handlebar mustache.
(click) Hrm, here's another one.  How do you spell "consensus⁹."  And you typed it in an e-mail message. And it's 2010. And so your e-mail most likely has a spell checker. Just saying.
(Click) "John Norman" wants to be your friend on Facebook. (Click) DECLINED.
(click) So moving on, author Scott Sigland, author of "Infectiousness," and "The Football Man" writes in to ask me how many enormous male characters would be grammatically appropriate for an entire writing career.  I'd say no less than three, Scott, but you're already well past th-

Real Mignon: Will?

Will: Uhhh.  Hullo.

Real Mignon: You know you don't work here anymore, right?

Will: Oh, yeah, I was just getting something from my desk.

Real Mignon: You don't have a desk.

Will: I was just getting something from your desk?

Real Mignon: Do I have to call Adam?

Will: I'm going I'm going! Just let me click send here.

Real Mignon: Wait is that my feed what are you posting- *Click*
Will: Will Ross--ahem, that's me--is the former host of the Quick and Dirty Tips Traveling Avatar podcast who has moved on to bigger and better things, namely, writing fiction at 118migration.com.

Three years ago I did an April Fools' show for Grammar Girl, and for some reason (probably because The Onion stole her idea this year) Mignon invited me back.

Mignon: Thanks for the encore April Fools' show Will. I miss your humor.

I'm Mignon Fogarty, author of Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing, which Patrick, a homeschooling blogger in Arizona, recently called "quite possibly...most useful grammar quick reference ever made."

That's all. Thanks for listening.

1 migration   

n.迁移，移居，（鸟类等的）迁徙

参考例句：

• Swallows begin their migration south in autumn.燕子在秋季开始向南方迁移。
• He described the vernal migration of birds in detail.他详细地描述了鸟的春季移居。

2 versus   

prep.以…为对手，对；与…相比之下

参考例句：

• The big match tonight is England versus Spain.今晚的大赛是英格兰对西班牙。
• The most exciting game was Harvard versus Yale.最富紧张刺激的球赛是哈佛队对耶鲁队。

3 killing   

n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财

参考例句：

• Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
• Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。

4 freshman   

n.大学一年级学生(可兼指男女)

参考例句：

• Jack decided to live in during his freshman year at college.杰克决定大一时住校。
• He is a freshman in the show business.他在演艺界是一名新手。

5 contrived   

adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的

参考例句：

• There was nothing contrived or calculated about what he said.他说的话里没有任何蓄意捏造的成分。
• The plot seems contrived.情节看起来不真实。

6 quotation   

n.引文，引语，语录；报价，牌价，行情

参考例句：

• He finished his speech with a quotation from Shakespeare.他讲话结束时引用了莎士比亚的语录。
• The quotation is omitted here.此处引文从略。

7 coupon   

n.息票，配给票，附单

参考例句：

• The coupon can be used once only.此优惠券只限使用一次。
• I have a coupon for ten pence off a packet of soap.我有一张优惠券买一盒肥皂可以便宜十便士。

8 cynically   

adv.爱嘲笑地，冷笑地

参考例句：

• "Holding down the receiver,'said Daisy cynically. “挂上话筒在讲。”黛西冷嘲热讽地说。 来自英汉文学 - 盖茨比
• The Democrats sensibly (if cynically) set about closing the God gap. 民主党在明智（有些讽刺）的减少宗教引起的问题。 来自互联网

9 consensus   

n.(意见等的)一致，一致同意，共识

参考例句：

• Can we reach a consensus on this issue?我们能在这个问题上取得一致意见吗？
• What is the consensus of opinion at the afternoon meeting?下午会议上一致的意见是什么？