第117期:真正的倾听

 　　True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation¹ of love. An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one's own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience as far as possible the speaker's world from the inside, stepping inside his or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension and enlargement of ourself, and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves bracketing, a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will feel less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up the inner recesses² of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance of love is again begun. The energy required for the discipline of bracketing and the focusing of total attention is so great that it can be accomplished³ only by love, by the will to extend oneself for mutual⁴ growth. Most of the time we lack this energy. Even though we may feel in our business dealings or social relationships that we are listening very hard, what we are usually doing is listening selectively, with a preset agenda in mind, wondering as we listen how we can achieve certain desired results and get the conversation over with as quickly as possible or redirected in ways more satisfactory to us.

　　真正的倾听，意味着把注意力放在他人身上，它是爱的具体表现形式。此时，倾听者能够暂时把个人想法和欲望放在一旁，尽可能地体会说话者的感受。说话者和倾听者都能感受到爱的力量，进而都能实现自我完善。倾听者把注意力放在对方的话语上，会使说话者心有灵犀，更为坦诚，更愿把心灵全部敞开，而不是有所隐藏。这能增进双方的理解和信任，心心相印，共同跳起爱的“双人芭蕾舞”。这是耗费精力的过程，而且须以爱为出发点。基于共同成长、自我完善的意愿，才能够达到倾听的目的。但是，我们通常缺少倾听的能力。不管是在商务活动还是在社交生活中，长时间倾听他人讲话，是叫人难受的事。我们只是有选择地倾听，头脑中早已有优先项目安排，所以，我们总是一边倾听，一边想着怎样尽快达到目的，怎样使谈话尽早结束。我们也常常转移话题，灵活地把谈话主旨加以调整，以便让自己感到满意。

1 manifestation   

n.表现形式；表明；现象

参考例句：

• Her smile is a manifestation of joy.她的微笑是她快乐的表现。
• What we call mass is only another manifestation of energy.我们称之为质量的东西只是能量的另一种表现形态。

2 recesses   

n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 )；（工作或业务活动的）中止或暂停期间；学校的课间休息；某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 )；将（墙）做成凹形，在（墙）上做壁龛；休息，休会，休庭

参考例句：

• I could see the inmost recesses. 我能看见最深处。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I had continually pushed my doubts to the darker recesses of my mind. 我一直把怀疑深深地隐藏在心中。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 accomplished   

adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的

参考例句：

• Thanks to your help,we accomplished the task ahead of schedule.亏得你们帮忙,我们才提前完成了任务。
• Removal of excess heat is accomplished by means of a radiator.通过散热器完成多余热量的排出。

4 mutual   

adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的

参考例句：

• We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。
• Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。