19 life is the cookie

life is the cookie

One of my patients, a successful businessman, tells me that before his cancer he would become depressed¹ unless things went a certain way. Happiness was "having the cookie." If you had the cookie, things were good. If you didn't have the cookie, life wasn't worth a damn². Unfortunately, the cookie kept changing. Some of the time it was money, sometimes power, sometimes sex. At other times, it was the new car, the biggest contract, the most prestigious³ address. A year and a half after his diagnosis⁴ of prostate cancer he sits shaking his head ruefully. "It's like I stopped learning how to live after I was a kid. When I give my son a cookie, he is happy. If I take the cookie away or it breaks, he is unhappy. But he is two and a half and I am forty-three. It's taken me this long to understand that the cookie will never make me happy for long. The minute you have the cookie it starts to crumble⁵ or you start to worry about it crumbling⁶ or about someone trying to take it away from you. You know, you have to give up a lot of things to take care of the cookie, to keep it from crumbling and be sure that no one takes it away from you. You may not even get a chance to eat it because you are so busy just trying not to lose it. Having the cookie is not what life is about."

My patient laughs and says cancer has changed him. For the first time he is happy. No matter if his business is doing well or not, no matter if he wins or loses at golf. "Two years ago, cancer asked me, 'Okay, what's important? What is really important?' Well, life is important. Life. Life any way you can have it, life with the cookie, life without the cookie. Happiness does not have anything to do with the cookie; it has to do with being alive. Before, who made the time?" He pauses thoughtfully. "Damn, I guess life is the cookie."

我有一位病人，他是一个成功的商人，告诉我，在他患癌症之前，凡事如果没有确定下来他就忧心忡忡。对他而言，幸福是“拥有小甜饼”。如果你拥有了小甜饼，一切都一帆风顺。如果你没有小甜饼，生活就一文不值。不幸的是，小甜饼总是不断变换着，有时是金钱，有时是权力，有时是欲望。在其他时候，它是一辆新车、一份数额最大的合同、或者一个享有声望的通讯地址。在他被诊断出患有前列腺癌的一年半之后，他坐在那里，悲天悯人地摇着头，说：“长大以后，我好像就不知道怎样生活了。当我给我儿子一个小甜饼时，他心花怒放。如果我拿走甜饼或者是小甜饼碎了，他就闷闷不乐。不同的是，他只有两岁半，而我已经43了。我花了这么长的时间才明白小甜饼并不能使我长久感到幸福。从你拥有小甜饼的那一刻，它就开始破碎，或者你就开始担心它会破碎，抑或你开始担心别人拿走它。为了守护你的小甜饼，为了防止它破碎或者确定别人不会从你手中夺走它，你不得不放弃许多东西。你忙于不让自己失去它，甚至没有时间享受它。拥有小甜饼并不是生活的全部内容。”

我的病人笑着说癌症已经改变了他。不论他的生意是否一帆风顺，不论他在打高尔夫球时是输是赢，他有生以来第一次感到幸福。“两年前，癌症问我‘什么重要？什么才真正的重要？’对，生命重要。生命。生命，无论如何你拥有生命。有小甜饼也罢，没有小甜饼也罢，幸福与小甜饼并非息息相关，而是与生命的存在有关。可是，时光一去不复返，谁又能让时光倒流呢？”他停顿了一下，若有所思，说：“该死，我觉得生命就是那块小甜饼”。

1 depressed   

adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的

参考例句：

• When he was depressed,he felt utterly divorced from reality.他心情沮丧时就感到完全脱离了现实。
• His mother was depressed by the sad news.这个坏消息使他的母亲意志消沉。

2 damn   

int.该死，他妈的；vt.指责，贬斥，诅咒

参考例句：

• Damn this useless typewriter!这台破打字机真该死！
• I knew damn well what he was going to say.我非常清楚他要说什么。

3 prestigious   

adj.有威望的，有声望的，受尊敬的

参考例句：

• The young man graduated from a prestigious university.这个年轻人毕业于一所名牌大学。
• You may even join a prestigious magazine as a contributing editor.甚至可能会加入一个知名杂志做编辑。

4 diagnosis   

n.诊断，诊断结果，调查分析，判断

参考例句：

• His symptoms gave no obvious pointer to a possible diagnosis.他的症状无法作出明确的诊断。
• The engineer made a complete diagnosis of the bridge's collapse.工程师对桥的倒塌做一次彻底的调查分析。

5 crumble   

vi.碎裂，崩溃；vt.弄碎，摧毁

参考例句：

• Opposition more or less crumbled away.反对势力差不多都瓦解了。
• Even if the seas go dry and rocks crumble,my will will remain firm.纵然海枯石烂，意志永不动摇。

6 crumbling   

adj.摇摇欲坠的

参考例句：

• an old house with crumbling plaster and a leaking roof 一所灰泥剥落、屋顶漏水的老房子
• The boat was tied up alongside a crumbling limestone jetty. 这条船停泊在一个摇摇欲坠的石灰岩码头边。