密歇根新闻广播 展开对话的技巧

Even when it comes to the most interesting conversations, there's usually a routine to how they start and how they end.

Think of how your conversations usually start. Generally, you don't just walk up to someone or call them on the phone and immediately start talking about something specific.

You usually say something like "hello" or "hey" or "what's up?" to get things going. Sometimes you might even make your opener a question like, "Hi, how are you?"

Most of the time "how are you?" is simply a routine opener, and the other person is expected to answer in a routine way: "I'm good, how are you?" The conversation is then tossed back to the first person who can say "Pretty good," and proceed with what they actually want to talk about.

If someone disrupts the "how are you?" routine, the conversation might be derailed. For instance, instead of a routine response, the second person might say, "Well, actually, I got some pretty bad news today." At that point, the conversation turns into a discussion of whatever the bad news was instead of what the first person wanted to talk about.

A derailment is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does show how "how are you?" is usually just part of the routine and not an actual inquiry¹ into someone's well-being².

Once you get through the opening routine and the rest of your conversation, you have to find a way to wrap things up. This process has been described as "a negotiation³ to silence." In other words, you have to get to the point where everyone can stop talking.

It seems like if you want to end a conversation, you should just be able to say, "Okay, I'm out," and be done with it. But that's not what we do. We usually start with some kind of pre-closing, something like "Well, I should get going." Then the other person says something like "Yeah, it's getting kind of late."

At that point, there's a typically a game of ping pong in which the two of you bat the conversation back and forth⁴, saying things like "yep" and "okay" and "all right." Eventually, someone says something like, "I'll see you later," and then the conversation officially comes to an end.

This is the kind of thing we do all the time without even realizing it. But why do it at all?

More often than not, the point of the closing routine is to make sure everyone is finished talking. The yeps and okays and all rights establish that you're getting ready to close. If a participant in the conversation still has something to say, this routine creates a space for them to do so.

Of course, there are some people who skip the routine altogether and jump right to, "Okay, bye." Do you mind going through the routine or would you rather just cut off the conversation when you're done?

1 inquiry   

n.打听，询问，调查，查问

参考例句：

• Many parents have been pressing for an inquiry into the problem.许多家长迫切要求调查这个问题。
• The field of inquiry has narrowed down to five persons.调查的范围已经缩小到只剩5个人了。

2 well-being   

n.安康，安乐，幸福

参考例句：

• He always has the well-being of the masses at heart.他总是把群众的疾苦挂在心上。
• My concern for their well-being was misunderstood as interference.我关心他们的幸福，却被误解为多管闲事。

3 negotiation   

n.谈判，协商

参考例句：

• They closed the deal in sugar after a week of negotiation.经过一星期的谈判，他们的食糖生意成交了。
• The negotiation dragged on until July.谈判一直拖到7月份。

4 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。