美国国家公共电台 NPR What Makes Us Click: How Online Dating Shapes Our Relationships

What Makes Us Click: How Online Dating Shapes Our Relationships

AILSA CHANG, HOST:

All right. I don't know if you know this, but peak online dating season is here. Match.com says now through Valentine's Day is the busiest time of the year for dating apps and sites. So we're taking this month to find out how technology affects the way we find and think about love. Here's our co-host David Greene.

DAVID GREENE, HOST:

OK. So we are calling our online dating series What Makes Us Click. Get it? We kicked it off in San Francisco. We just asked people a simple question, do you like online dating?

(SOUNDBITE OF TROLLEY¹ BELL CLANGING)

UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #1: No. I don't like it. (Laughter).

UNIDENTIFIED MAN #1: I guess nobody really likes using dating apps. It's kind of like, don't look at my phone. You know? (Laughter) Like...

UNIDENTIFIED MAN #2: I just prefer, like, meeting people face to face. You know what I mean? It's more real that way.

UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #2: It's something that's fun, and it's kind of a social experiment.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN #3: It's way different to - say, if you see a girl at a bar and you go up and introduce yourself, whereas² Tinder's much more - shallow's the word I'm looking for.

GREENE: So a lot of mixed feelings there, as you heard. But, actually, most Americans, 60 percent, say online dating is a good way to meet people. And that's actually a 15 percent increase from a decade earlier, according to the most recent numbers from the Pew Research Center. So what does all of this swiping left and right mean for our psyches³, for society, for the culture of romance⁴? Well, we sat down with two people who spend plenty of time thinking about this. Skyler Wang is a Ph.D. candidate who studies the sociology⁵ of online dating at the University of California, Berkeley. And Megan Murray works for the dating app Zoosk. And I started out by asking them, what's different about dating today?

MEGAN MURRAY: I feel like dating's always been hard and it's going to continue to be hard, but the way people meet is different, and that has to affect the relationships we form. I've found people don't approach each other as much in person when you go out to bars.

SKYLER WANG: Yeah. And I think it's so fascinating that, like, you know, friends and I would go out, and before hitting the clubs, you know, they would go on Tinder, right? And I was with friends who, you know, inside these gay bars, they would turn on Grindr and find someone to dance with.

GREENE: This has turned everything on its head because it used to be it was sort of, like, taboo⁶ and strange to go online and find someone, and now it's a little strange to meet someone in person unless you've connected with them online. I mean, is that OK?

MURRAY: I don't think it's, like, good or bad. It's just different. But I think a lot of times you see people go on these interspace dating sites, or, dating sites that focus more on interest. So I think a lot of the apps are kind of moving towards that.

GREENE: You're almost Googling, like, I want a person interested in "Star Wars" and guacamole.

MURRAY: Yeah.

WANG: So there's a really nice metaphor⁷. It's called relationshopping. So basically people are treating dating like it's shopping. So, like, as if you're trying to look for the next dress or the next handbag or whatever, and you're browsing⁸.

GREENE: Do you ever feel like you're a commodity⁹ when you're doing online dating, or feel objectified?

MURRAY: Yeah, kind of. And I think because I have, like, data about my own profile sometimes (laughter) so I can tell if I, like - I have a picture of myself with glasses and books in the background, but the picture of me holding a beer does better. And also, like, you're doing it too. Like, there is literally¹⁰ a giant red X on someone. And there is something, like, a little gross¹¹ about saying, like, no, I do not want this person in my life.

GREENE: Well, I'm just so fascinated¹² because both of you share this thing in common that you're both using online dating but also writing about it, thinking about it, which has to shape the experience personally. Didn't you have Excel¹³ spreadsheets of dates and people and...

WANG: Yeah. (Laughter).

GREENE: Not that that's a bad thing.

WANG: Yeah. So people use lists nowadays to basically get a better sense of who they're attracted to and to really put a very quantitative¹⁴ twist to something that did not used to be like that. I think it's just, it's, you know, why do we wear Fitbits? Like, why are we tracking how many calories that we're eating? It's really new cultural phenomenon, and I think it has basically encroached onto our dating lives, as well.

GREENE: And, Megan, just listening to that, like, if someone is thinking, wow, technology offers a lot of good things - like, a lot of opportunities to keep track of myself and, you know, find people, but I also don't want to lose the magic of romance and meeting people. Like, what is your advice on the balance?

MURRAY: Yeah, I do think the romance and the magic sneaks¹⁵ in there no matter what. Like, if you really care about someone and you meet them, there's going to be these indefinable moments or something that you realize, or maybe you find out you're both keeping spreadsheets. You know? Like, there's always going to be some sweet, little thing that comes through.

GREENE: It feels like there's something about dating that it's like it's become something crazy and new and data-driven and you can use all of these new toys, but that there's something central to romance and the magic that everyone wants to make sure to hold onto.

WANG: Yeah. And I think that's what a lot of companies are saying - we're not an online dating service, we're more of an introductory service. The dating doesn't happen online. The dating happens in person. So in a way, they're trying to preserve that magic, right? So they're really framing their services as more of a way to just bridge connections, and then you go out into the world and do the real dating.

(SOUNDBITE OF CARLY RAE JEPSEN'S "CALL ME MAYBE")

GREENE: That was Megan Murray, who works at the dating app Zoosk, and also Skyler Wang, who studies sociology at the University of California, Berkeley. And we should tell you Skyler gave us the title of this series, What Makes Us Click. You can find more of our stories online and on the radio all this month.

(SOUNDBITE OF CARLY RAE JEPSEN'S "CALL ME MAYBE")

1 trolley   

n.手推车，台车；无轨电车；有轨电车

参考例句：

• The waiter had brought the sweet trolley.侍者已经推来了甜食推车。
• In a library,books are moved on a trolley.在图书馆，书籍是放在台车上搬动的。

2 whereas   

conj.而，却，反之

参考例句：

• They want a house,whereas we would rather live in a flat.他们想要一座房子，而我们宁愿住在一套房间里。
• Some praise him,whereas others condemn him.有些人赞扬他，而有些人谴责他。

3 psyches   

n.灵魂，心灵( psyche的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• You want to fly to haiti for a quickie divorce just for our psyches ? 你想去海地快速离婚是为了我们的精神健康？ 来自电影对白
• Our psyches are naturally attuned to energetic codes and symbolic language. 我们的心灵会自动地与能量和象徵语言共鸣调音。 来自互联网

4 romance   

n.恋爱关系，浪漫气氛，爱情小说，传奇

参考例句：

• She wrote a romance about an artist's life in Tokyo.她写了一个关于一位艺术家在东京生活的浪漫故事。
• They tried to rekindle the flames of romance.他们试图重燃爱火。

5 sociology   

n.社会学，社会关系学，群落生态学

参考例句：

• He is studying sociology.他正研究社会学。
• A pioneer of legal sociology in Germany was Max Weber.德国法律社会学的先驱是马克斯·韦伯。

6 taboo   

n.禁忌，禁止接近，禁止使用；adj.禁忌的；v.禁忌，禁制，禁止

参考例句：

• The rude words are taboo in ordinary conversation.这些粗野的字眼在日常谈话中是禁忌的。
• Is there a taboo against sex before marriage in your society?在你们的社会里，婚前的性行为犯禁吗？

7 metaphor   

n.隐喻，暗喻

参考例句：

• Using metaphor,we say that computers have senses and a memory.打个比方，我们可以说计算机有感觉和记忆力。
• In poetry the rose is often a metaphor for love.玫瑰在诗中通常作为爱的象征。

8 browsing   

v.吃草( browse的现在分词 )；随意翻阅；（在商店里）随便看看；（在计算机上）浏览信息

参考例句：

• He sits browsing over[through] a book. 他坐着翻阅书籍。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Cattle is browsing in the field. 牛正在田里吃草。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 commodity   

n.日用品，商品，物品

参考例句：

• The authorities took measures to roll commodity price back.当局采取措施使物价全面回降。
• Commodity prices remain stable and there are plenty of goods on the market.商品价格稳定，市场货源充足。

10 literally   

adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实

参考例句：

• He translated the passage literally.他逐字逐句地翻译这段文字。
• Sometimes she would not sit down till she was literally faint.有时候，她不走到真正要昏厥了，决不肯坐下来。

11 gross   

adj.全部的，粗俗的，肥胖的；vt.获得...总收入

参考例句：

• The gross weight of the box of chocolates is 500 grams.那盒巧克力的全部重量是500克。
• I consider this a gross oversight on your part.我把这件事看作是你的一大疏忽。

12 fascinated   

a.被强烈地吸引住，感到着迷的

参考例句：

• China has always fascinated me. 中国一直令我心驰神往。
• The children watched, fascinated, as the picture began to appear. 电影开始以后孩子们入迷地观看着。

13 excel   

v.胜过，优于，杰出，善于，擅长于

参考例句：

• If your talent combines with diligence,you can excel in your pursuit.如果你把天赋与勤奋结合起来，你所追求的事业便会出类拔萃。
• He is working hard to excel his predecessors.他正努力超越他的前任。

14 quantitative   

adj.数量的，定量的

参考例句：

• He said it was only a quantitative difference.他说这仅仅是数量上的差别。
• We need to do some quantitative analysis of the drugs.我们对药物要进行定量分析。

15 sneaks   

abbr.sneakers (tennis shoes) 胶底运动鞋（网球鞋）v.潜行( sneak的第三人称单数 )；偷偷溜走；（儿童向成人）打小报告；告状

参考例句：

• Typhoid fever sneaks in when sanitation fails. 环境卫生搞不好，伤寒就会乘虚而入。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Honest boys scorn sneaks and liars. 诚实的人看不起狡诈和撒谎的人。 来自辞典例句