美国国家公共电台 NPR Stay-At-Home Dads Still Struggle With Diapers, Drool, Stigma And Isolation

 

MICHEL MARTIN, HOST:

On this Father's Day, let's hear about the growing number of stay-at-home dads in this country. Nationwide, the number of men who are full-time¹ stay-at-home parents has risen significantly since the 1970s. But full-time fathers say they still struggle to be accepted. As part of the NPR-wide project How to Raise a Human, NPR's Jason Beaubien has the story.

BEN SANDERS: (Unintelligible) Help your brother?

JASON BEAUBIEN, BYLINE²: It's mid-morning in a tidy housing development on the far-flung western suburbs of Washington, D.C.

UNIDENTIFIED CHILD: Oh, he wasn't chewing Legos.

SANDERS: Well, you can't play with Legos and yoyos at the same time, right?

BEAUBIEN: Ben Sanders, a former business executive, is settling disputes over Legos and yo-yos. Sanders, who's raising two boys, has been a full-time dad for six years.

SANDERS: It's a tough job. There's no breaks. It's 24/7, there's no vacation. You can't get sick.

BEAUBIEN: Many of the challenges facing stay-at-home dads are the same as those facing full-time moms.

SANDERS: The amount of work - it's crazy. Like, it takes a while to get used to constantly being on your feet, constantly, you know, shopping, laundry, errands, running kids here, running kids there. It is very busy. It's very hands-on.

BEAUBIEN: And then there's the fact that some people still aren't comfortable with his decision to be a stay-at-home parent. Initially³, Sanders signed up for a mom's group in his neighborhood but didn't feel completely welcome. He says finding play dates for his kids is a bit harder as a dad.

SANDERS: It's like sales, you know? People say no all the time. If you're going to be in sales, you can't fear rejection⁴. So ask enough stay-at-home moms if they want a play date, maybe one or two out of 10 will say, yeah, let's do it.

BEAUBIEN: Researchers say that stay-at-home dads still struggle with entrenched⁵ social norms around a man's role as breadwinner. In many parts of the country, there are so few stay-at-home fathers that it can be difficult for them to find each other. And Sanders says some people just don't understand the choice his family has made. His wife, Nicole Sanders, has a high-pressure job with a large defense⁶ contractor⁷ in the D.C. area.

NICOLE SANDERS: I don't think I could do my job if he weren't at home. I travel a lot. My schedule is very erratic⁸ and unpredictable.

BEAUBIEN: In an eight-minute gap between business calls, she has a no-nonsense demeanor⁹ of someone who's spent a lot of time around military professionals.

SANDERS: I'm in and out of the city, which getting from here can be difficult with traffic. So the flexibility¹⁰ I have because of, you know, knowing there's always someone covering home allows me to be very flexible at work.

BEAUBIEN: Census¹¹ data from the early 1970s shows almost no American men listing their occupation as full-time parent. That's changed, but only a bit.

BRAD HARRINGTON: It's still relatively¹² uncommon¹³.

BEAUBIEN: That's Brad Harrington, the executive director of the Boston College Center for Work and Family.

HARRINGTON: Depending on whose numbers you believe, it's somewhere between one out of 20 or maybe one out of 15 at-home parents is a dad. So there's still an overwhelming majority of at-home parents are women.

BEAUBIEN: Harrington's research has found that, among millennial¹⁴ men, more than half say they would consider being a stay-at-home dad if their spouse¹⁵ earned enough to support them. Yet he sees a disconnect between what people say they might do and what actually happens. Sometimes, the decision of whether the husband or the wife is going to stay home is driven simply by who makes the most money, and, overall, men still tend to earn more than women. Corporate¹⁶ culture, particularly at large, established companies, can also discourage men from deciding to stay at home.

HARRINGTON: There is a kind of a time lag between what is the experience of young fathers these days and what do the people at the top expect from young working dads?

BEAUBIEN: And Harrington says social isolation¹⁷ remains¹⁸ a major challenge for these fathers. To try to combat this, men have been setting up their own versions of mommy and me groups.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: There you go.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: And your wife is an attorney also?

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: No, she's a doctor.

BEAUBIEN: On a recent Wednesday morning in Arlington, Va., a dozen stay-at-home fathers and about 20 kids have gotten together for a weekly dad's group. The kids range in age from a few months to 9 years old. Some of the older kids are playing dress up in the basement. A boy is building a Lego tower in the sunroom. Dads are drinking coffee, eating doughnuts and hanging out. Aaron Rosenbaum says this weekly get-together¹⁹ fills a void for him.

AARON ROSENBAUM: Just the camaraderie²⁰ of being around other men who are also stay-at-home dads. No one feels uncomfortable around you, or you don't feel like people are wondering why you're staying at home or anything like that.

BEAUBIEN: He used to live on Capitol Hill in D.C. and says there were tons of activities for young kids.

ROSENBAUM: But I was almost always the only dad. Most moms were completely fine with me being there, but lots of times, I felt like a lot of people wouldn't actually talk to me or just kind of avoided me. And I don't know if it's just because they were not comfortable or what. I don't know.

BEAUBIEN: He acknowledges that parenting can also be a lonely endeavor for stay-at-home moms, who suddenly find their world swirling²¹ around a nonverbal infant. But Rosenbaum says he thinks men struggle a bit more to break out of that isolation.

ROSENBAUM: I feel like moms are more likely to come out of the woodwork and get together. Dads tend to be kind of loners (laughter).

BEAUBIEN: But that's something stay-at-home dads are realizing they have to work on for their own sanity²² - and to make sure their children have opportunities to play with other kids.

Jason Beaubien, NPR News, Washington.

1 full-time   

adj.满工作日的或工作周的，全时间的

参考例句：

• A full-time job may be too much for her.全天工作她恐怕吃不消。
• I don't know how she copes with looking after her family and doing a full-time job.既要照顾家庭又要全天工作，我不知道她是如何对付的。

2 byline   

n.署名；v.署名

参考例句：

• His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
• We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。

3 initially   

adv.最初，开始

参考例句：

• The ban was initially opposed by the US.这一禁令首先遭到美国的反对。
• Feathers initially developed from insect scales.羽毛最初由昆虫的翅瓣演化而来。

4 rejection   

n.拒绝，被拒，抛弃，被弃

参考例句：

• He decided not to approach her for fear of rejection.他因怕遭拒绝决定不再去找她。
• The rejection plunged her into the dark depths of despair.遭到拒绝使她陷入了绝望的深渊。

5 entrenched   

adj.确立的，不容易改的(风俗习惯)

参考例句：

• Television seems to be firmly entrenched as the number one medium for national advertising.电视看来要在全国广告媒介中牢固地占据头等位置。
• If the enemy dares to attack us in these entrenched positions,we will make short work of them.如果敌人胆敢进攻我们固守的阵地，我们就消灭他们。

6 defense   

n.防御，保卫；[pl.]防务工事；辩护，答辩

参考例句：

• The accused has the right to defense.被告人有权获得辩护。
• The war has impacted the area with military and defense workers.战争使那个地区挤满了军队和防御工程人员。

7 contractor   

n.订约人，承包人，收缩肌

参考例句：

• The Tokyo contractor was asked to kick $ 6000 back as commission.那个东京的承包商被要求退还6000美元作为佣金。
• The style of house the contractor builds depends partly on the lay of the land.承包商所建房屋的式样，有几分要看地势而定。

8 erratic   

adj.古怪的，反复无常的，不稳定的

参考例句：

• The old man had always been cranky and erratic.那老头儿性情古怪,反复无常。
• The erratic fluctuation of market prices is in consequence of unstable economy.经济波动致使市场物价忽起忽落。

9 demeanor   

n.行为；风度

参考例句：

• She is quiet in her demeanor.她举止文静。
• The old soldier never lost his military demeanor.那个老军人从来没有失去军人风度。

10 flexibility   

n.柔韧性，弹性，（光的）折射性，灵活性

参考例句：

• Her great strength lies in her flexibility.她的优势在于她灵活变通。
• The flexibility of a man's muscles will lessen as he becomes old.人老了肌肉的柔韧性将降低。

11 census   

n.(官方的)人口调查，人口普查

参考例句：

• A census of population is taken every ten years.人口普查每10年进行一次。
• The census is taken one time every four years in our country.我国每四年一次人口普查。

12 relatively   

adv.比较...地，相对地

参考例句：

• The rabbit is a relatively recent introduction in Australia.兔子是相对较新引入澳大利亚的物种。
• The operation was relatively painless.手术相对来说不痛。

13 uncommon   

adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的

参考例句：

• Such attitudes were not at all uncommon thirty years ago.这些看法在30年前很常见。
• Phil has uncommon intelligence.菲尔智力超群。

14 millennial   

一千年的，千福年的

参考例句：

• Both Russia and America looked to the future to fulfill their millennial expectations. 俄国和美国都把实现他们黄金时代的希望寄托于未来。
• The millennial generation is celebrating the global commons every day, apparently unmindful of Hardin's warning. 千禧一代显然对哈丁的警告不以为然，每天都在颂扬全球“公地”。

15 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

16 corporate   

adj.共同的，全体的；公司的，企业的

参考例句：

• This is our corporate responsibility.这是我们共同的责任。
• His corporate's life will be as short as a rabbit's tail.他的公司的寿命是兔子尾巴长不了。

17 isolation   

n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离

参考例句：

• The millionaire lived in complete isolation from the outside world.这位富翁过着与世隔绝的生活。
• He retired and lived in relative isolation.他退休后，生活比较孤寂。

18 remains   

n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹

参考例句：

• He ate the remains of food hungrily.他狼吞虎咽地吃剩余的食物。
• The remains of the meal were fed to the dog.残羹剩饭喂狗了。

19 get-together   

n.(使)聚集；(使)集合

参考例句：

• Well,Miss Huang,we are planning to have a casual get-together.嗯，黄小姐，我们打算大家小聚一番。
• Will you help me prepare for the get- together of the old classmates?你能否帮我为这次老同学聚会做好准备工作？

20 camaraderie   

n.同志之爱，友情

参考例句：

• The camaraderie among fellow employees made the tedious work just bearable.同事之间的情谊使枯燥乏味的工作变得还能忍受。
• Some bosses are formal and have occasional interactions,while others prefer continual camaraderie.有些老板很刻板，偶尔才和下属互动一下；有些则喜欢和下属打成一片。

21 swirling   

v.旋转，打旋( swirl的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Snowflakes were swirling in the air. 天空飘洒着雪花。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• She smiled, swirling the wine in her glass. 她微笑着，旋动着杯子里的葡萄酒。 来自辞典例句

22 sanity   

n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确

参考例句：

• I doubt the sanity of such a plan.我怀疑这个计划是否明智。
• She managed to keep her sanity throughout the ordeal.在那场磨难中她始终保持神志正常。