美国国家公共电台 NPR 'I Never Faked My Love For You': A Mother Opens Up After Her Suicide Attempt

 

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

DAVID GREENE, HOST:

It is Friday, which means it is time for StoryCorps. And today - a difficult conversation between a mother and daughter. In the spring of 2012, Emily Kwong was a college senior studying in New York, and just before finals, she received a disturbing phone call from her father. Her mother, Linda, who had been suffering from depression, had attempted suicide¹. At StoryCorps, Linda and Emily talk for the first time about what happened that day.

LINDA KWONG: I got up, and I was taking my morning medication, and I just didn't stop, and I took 180 pills. I didn't write a note. I just put the bottles back in the medicine cabinet² and went to bed. Your sister found me, and they took me to the hospital. The psychiatrist³ came in, and he said, Linda, I have no idea how you're alive.

EMILY KWONG: I was so shocked 'cause I had known you my whole life as the most secure⁴ person.

L. KWONG: Yeah, I actually faked a lot. I never faked my love for you, but I was suicidal since I was 14, so I was a good faker⁵.

E. KWONG: Well, that's what was so puzzling about it. I described our family as a table, and you were the most important leg, so you disappearing just knocked the whole thing over.

L. KWONG: Yeah. When I was in the hospital, the hospital's tradition is they would play a little lullaby every time a baby's born, no matter what time of day or night. So on the psychiatric floor, we heard it. And I thought about when you were born, and they handed you to me, and I remember your eyes just locked on mine. And I just felt, wow, this is my daughter. But in that moment that I took those pills, I wasn't thinking of you, and that's hard to accept.

E. KWONG: I began to question so much about myself. And I thought if I spent too much time with you, I would become like you.

L. KWONG: I remember you saying to me, Mom, I couldn't even look at you for months. And it was terrifying, but I understood it. A child's job is to be a child, not to take care of their mother emotionally⁶.

E. KWONG: I mean, I know it's not over yet, but seeing you come back from this, I couldn't be more proud of you.

L. KWONG: I can't believe that you can use the word proud, but it makes me feel like that bond⁷ between us will always be there. And that means the world to me.

(SOUNDBITE OF WEINLAND SONG, "SUNKEN EYES")

1 suicide   

n.自杀，自毁，自杀性行为

参考例句：

• The number of suicide has increased.自杀案件的数量增加了。
• The death was adjudged a suicide by sleeping pills.该死亡事件被判定为服用安眠药自杀。

2 cabinet   

n.内阁，内阁会议；(带玻璃门存物品的)橱柜

参考例句：

• I keep my collection of old china in the cabinet.我把古瓷器收藏品存放在橱子里。
• He had held many important offices in the French cabinet.他在法国内阁中任过许多重要职务。

3 psychiatrist   

n.精神病专家；精神病医师

参考例句：

• He went to a psychiatrist about his compulsive gambling.他去看精神科医生治疗不能自拔的赌瘾。
• The psychiatrist corrected him gently.精神病医师彬彬有礼地纠正他。

4 secure   

adj.无虑的，安心的，安全的；adj.牢靠的，稳妥的；vt.固定，获得，使...安全；vi.(海上工作人员)停止工；vi.(船)抛锚，停泊

参考例句：

• He found a secure foothold and pulled himself up.他找到了一个稳固的踏脚处并爬了上去。
• Extra men are needed to secure the camp against attack.需要增加兵力以保护军营免受攻击。

5 faker   

n. 骗子，冒牌货，伪造者

参考例句：

• AJ gives us some pointers on how to spot a faker. AJ教我们几招来辨别冒牌货。
• She thought I was faker. 她认为我这只是在装模作样而已。

6 emotionally   

adv.感情上，情绪上，冲动地

参考例句：

• a special school for emotionally disturbed children 为精神异常儿童开办的特殊学校
• A wide range of emotionally stressful events may trigger a relapse. 多种令人情绪紧张的事情都可能引起旧病复发。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 bond   

n.结合，债券，契约，粘合剂，保证人，键，关栈保留；vt.存入关栈，粘着；vi.结合

参考例句：

• This glue makes a good firm bond.这种胶水粘得很结实。
• His word is his bond.他是讲信用的。