美国国家公共电台 NPR 'I Write To Understand What I Think': A Veteran Turns To Words After War

'I Write To Understand What I Think': A Veteran Turns To Words After War

MARY LOUISE KELLY, HOST:

When he was 24 years old, Elliot Ackerman found himself in the thick of the biggest battle the Marine¹ Corps² had fought in in decades - Fallujah, Iraq. The year was 2004, and Ackerman was commanding a rifle platoon. He eventually served five tours in Iraq and Afghanistan and then, in 2011, with a Silver Star and a Purple Heart to his name, he took off his uniform for good. But Ackerman would soon return to the Middle East to wrestle³ with all he had seen, not as a soldier but as a writer.

ELLIOT ACKERMAN: I was drawn⁴ back to wanting to have an experience that would be as meaningful as ones that I had had before. I had always felt and still feel like I want to have a life driven by purpose.

KELLY: Elliott Ackerman writes about his wars in his new memoir⁵, "Places And Names." It documents his now decade-plus trying to make sense of the wider wars and turmoil⁶ in the region.

ACKERMAN: If the experience is at the center of a circle, it's me trying to stand at every single point on the circumference⁷ of that circle to look at that experience from all angles, from the person I was when I was 24, to the person I became as a writer, to meeting with the people I fought against. A significant threat of this book is a friendship I made with a person who was a member of al-Qaida in Iraq, who fought in Al Anbar Province. And so in many respects, the journey of the book is sort of this circular journey around this circumference, you know, and then right at the middle of it are these combat experience.

KELLY: And that's really the way you thought of it, was you in a circle and - in the middle of the circle and turning and seeing it from all the vantage points?

ACKERMAN: No, it's actually the way I'm thinking about it right now.

(LAUGHTER)

ACKERMAN: I think...

KELLY: It would have been a great organizing principle of the book...

ACKERMAN: But I....

KELLY: ...Had you thought of it that...

ACKERMAN: But I think it's true. I'm always just trying to look at it from every angle.

KELLY: Let me ask you about the fighter for al-Qaida in Iraq, a man named Abu Hassar. Why did you want to meet him?

ACKERMAN: Well, I was working in southern Turkey. And so my friend Abed (ph) shows up one day, and he says to me - he says, you know, I was down in a Chalkero (ph) refugee camp today, and I met this guy who I think you should meet. He fought for al-Qaida in Iraq, but I think the two of you would really get along. So I'm sort of up for anything. I said, ok, well, let's go meet with him.

So the idea of the meeting was basically two veterans of the Iraq war sit down to talk about the war, but we fought on opposite sides. And that meeting was basically a bet on my part that, you know, the experiences I had had fighting were the defining experiences of my young life. And that whole time you're fighting, you're engaged in sort of a shadow dance because your partner is someone you never see and you never meet. And I had a curiosity about, you know, who I was doing that dance with. And my bet was that he would have a similar curiosity about me. And what other underlying⁸ antipathy⁹ might have existed would have been overcome by our mutual¹⁰ curiosity about one another.

KELLY: But just to underscore how surreal this meeting and this lunch must've been, you are a former Marine Corps - commanded a rifle platoon in Fallujah. You're sitting at lunch with Mr. al-Qaida in Iraq. You two do not speak a mutual language, right? He doesn't speak English; you don't really speak Arabic.

ACKERMAN: No.

KELLY: And at one point, you bring out your notebook, and you turn it to a clean page, and you start to draw. And I wonder if you would just read us where you write about this in the book.

ACKERMAN: Sure.

KELLY: I'm going to turn you to Page 27.

ACKERMAN: Sure.

(Reading) First, I sketch¹¹ out a long, oscillating ribbon, running the top left to the bottom right of the page - the Euphrates. Abu Hassar quickly recognizes this. He takes the pencil from my hand and draws the straight borderline between Iraq and Syria, one that cuts through a tabletop of hardpan desert. Along the border he's made, I write a single name - Al-Qa'im (ph). Next to that name, Abu Hassar writes - 06, period, 2005. I nod back and write 09, period, 2004. I travel farther down the Euphrates and write another name and another date. Our hands now chase each other's around the map, mimicking¹² the way we'd once chased each other around this country.

KELLY: Was that something you'd planned to do before lunch, or it just occurred to you?

ACKERMAN: No. What wound up happening was we had this conversation, and the entire time my friend Abed is translating for us. And at a certain point, Abed, exhausted¹³ by translating, excused himself to take a break. And as intensely as we'd been speaking suddenly, Abu Hassar and I are sitting across the table from one another, and we can't talk. And we are as awkward as two 13-year-olds on their first date, kind of looking at our hands and staring around.

And so we started drawing this map. And in that interaction, you know, what occurred to me was that this language of places and names and the dates was a language that we shared, and frankly¹⁴, it was one my friend Abed couldn't have translated even if he wanted to.

KELLY: You fought the same war...

ACKERMAN: Right.

KELLY: ...Just different sides. I'm going to ask you about another moment. This was in Erbil, in northern Iraq. You - I mean, you fought in two wars - Iraq and Afghanistan - that didn't really have a frontline, and you write that you wanted to see one. So in 2014, as ISIS forces are sweeping¹⁵ through Iraq, you arrange to go to Erbil, where Kurdish fighters are trying to hold a frontline, trying to hold off the advance of ISIS. And what did you find?

ACKERMAN: I found what I think you always find in wars, when you actually go right up to the frontline, and you see what is, you know, holding back the hordes¹⁶ or keeping all civilization from collapsing¹⁷ are just a handful of people with some rusty¹⁸, old rifles.

KELLY: Did it also get you thinking about what it means to win a war, like the war that the U.S. has been involved in in Iraq?

ACKERMAN: Well, I think you realize, when you look historically, that, you know, these binary¹⁹ concepts of winning and losing wars - that's actually the outlier. There are just as many wars that lead to these interminable quagmires²⁰ as there are wars, like our prototypical wars that we all look to, sort of our American horror story, which is the Second World War, which was very clear. And there was a beginning, there was an end, and there was a reconstruction²¹ afterwards. But if anything, that is actually the outlier case. And usually wars just sort of fizzle on.

KELLY: It also prompts the question of - as you look at the Middle East now, to what extent it's all one war?

ACKERMAN: I think it's absolutely all one war, and I think that's been one of the things and one of the reasons that I wrote this book and came back, was this intuitive understanding that whatever we announced in Iraq when we left in 2011, you know, that it wasn't over, that it's still not over today, as we're sitting here - it's still playing out. And one of the things that's been difficult, I think, for my generation of veterans is that because the wars haven't ended, every single one of us who've left the war have had to basically make a separate peace, had - to a certain point - say, you know what? I've done my last deployment²². I know other people are going to be deploying²³. But I'm finished.

KELLY: And what does that sound like? Is it, my war is over?

ACKERMAN: I can remember many occasions talking with friends of mine, saying, you know, we wish - you know, we wish this was even like Vietnam, when it was just sort of - it was over, or the Second World War, where it was over, and we would all go on and go to business school or do whatever we were going to do next, and it was clear there was no choice to be made; this was done.

And for this generation of veterans, I think that's been complicated because every single one of us has had to look at someone we know and care about and say, I know you're going on the next deployment, but I'm not; I'm done. And declaring that separate peace I think can be very, very complicated; I know it was complicated for me.

KELLY: Elliot Ackerman, thank you.

ACKERMAN: Yeah. Thanks for having me.

KELLY: His new book is "Places And Names: On War, Revolution And Returning."

(SOUNDBITE OF SEBASTIEN TELLIER'S "FANTINO")

1 marine   

adj.海的；海生的；航海的；海事的；n.水兵

参考例句：

• Marine creatures are those which live in the sea. 海洋生物是生存在海里的生物。
• When the war broke out,he volunteered for the Marine Corps.战争爆发时，他自愿参加了海军陆战队。

2 corps   

n.(通信等兵种的)部队；(同类作的)一组

参考例句：

• The medical corps were cited for bravery in combat.医疗队由于在战场上的英勇表现而受嘉奖。
• When the war broke out,he volunteered for the Marine Corps.战争爆发时，他自愿参加了海军陆战队。

3 wrestle   

vi.摔跤，角力；搏斗；全力对付

参考例句：

• He taught his little brother how to wrestle.他教他小弟弟如何摔跤。
• We have to wrestle with difficulties.我们必须同困难作斗争。

4 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

5 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

6 turmoil   

n.骚乱，混乱，动乱

参考例句：

• His mind was in such a turmoil that he couldn't get to sleep.内心的纷扰使他无法入睡。
• The robbery put the village in a turmoil.抢劫使全村陷入混乱。

7 circumference   

n.圆周，周长，圆周线

参考例句：

• It's a mile round the circumference of the field.运动场周长一英里。
• The diameter and the circumference of a circle correlate.圆的直径与圆周有相互关系。

8 underlying   

adj.在下面的，含蓄的，潜在的

参考例句：

• The underlying theme of the novel is very serious.小说隐含的主题是十分严肃的。
• This word has its underlying meaning.这个单词有它潜在的含义。

9 antipathy   

n.憎恶；反感，引起反感的人或事物

参考例句：

• I feel an antipathy against their behaviour.我对他们的行为很反感。
• Some people have an antipathy to cats.有的人讨厌猫。

10 mutual   

adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的

参考例句：

• We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。
• Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。

11 sketch   

n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述

参考例句：

• My sister often goes into the country to sketch. 我姐姐常到乡间去写生。
• I will send you a slight sketch of the house.我将给你寄去房屋的草图。

12 mimicking   

v.（尤指为了逗乐而）模仿( mimic的现在分词 )；酷似

参考例句：

• She's always mimicking the teachers. 她总喜欢模仿老师的言谈举止。
• The boy made us all laugh by mimicking the teacher's voice. 这男孩模仿老师的声音，逗得我们大家都笑了。 来自辞典例句

13 exhausted   

adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。

14 frankly   

adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说

参考例句：

• To speak frankly, I don't like the idea at all.老实说，我一点也不赞成这个主意。
• Frankly speaking, I'm not opposed to reform.坦率地说，我不反对改革。

15 sweeping   

adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的

参考例句：

• The citizens voted for sweeping reforms.公民投票支持全面的改革。
• Can you hear the wind sweeping through the branches?你能听到风掠过树枝的声音吗？

16 hordes   

n.移动着的一大群( horde的名词复数 )；部落

参考例句：

• There are always hordes of tourists here in the summer. 夏天这里总有成群结队的游客。
• Hordes of journalists jostled for position outside the conference hall. 大群记者在会堂外争抢位置。 来自《简明英汉词典》

17 collapsing   

压扁[平]，毁坏，断裂

参考例句：

• Rescuers used props to stop the roof of the tunnel collapsing. 救援人员用支柱防止隧道顶塌陷。
• The rocks were folded by collapsing into the center of the trough. 岩石由于坍陷进入凹槽的中心而发生褶皱。

18 rusty   

adj.生锈的；锈色的；荒废了的

参考例句：

• The lock on the door is rusty and won't open.门上的锁锈住了。
• I haven't practiced my French for months and it's getting rusty.几个月不用，我的法语又荒疏了。

19 binary   

adj.二，双；二进制的；n.双(体)；联星

参考例句：

• Computers operate using binary numbers.计算机运行运用二进位制。
• Let us try converting the number itself to binary.我们试一试，把这个数本身变成二进制数。

20 quagmires   

n.沼泽地，泥潭( quagmire的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The deer, looking soaked, leave quagmires, where they pass. 湿淋淋的野鹿经过的地方，留下了一个个的泥塘。 来自辞典例句

21 reconstruction   

n.重建，再现，复原

参考例句：

• The country faces a huge task of national reconstruction following the war.战后，该国面临着重建家园的艰巨任务。
• In the period of reconstruction,technique decides everything.在重建时期，技术决定一切。

22 deployment   

n. 部署,展开

参考例句：

• He has inquired out the deployment of the enemy troops. 他已查出敌军的兵力部署情况。
• Quality function deployment (QFD) is a widely used customer-driven quality, design and manufacturing management tool. 质量功能展开(quality function deployment,QFD)是一个广泛应用的顾客需求驱动的设计、制造和质量管理工具。

23 deploying   

（尤指军事行动）使展开( deploy的现在分词 )； 施展； 部署； 有效地利用

参考例句：

• Provides support for developing and deploying distributed, component-based applications. 为开发和部署基于组件的分布式应用程序提供支持。
• Advertisement, publishing, repair, and install-on-demand are all available when deploying your application. 在部署应用程序时提供公布、发布、修复和即需即装功能。