PBS高端访谈:看看都有什么约会小建议

JUDY WOODRUFF: It's Valentine's Day. And here at the NewsHour we want to mark the occasion by hearing from Matthew Hussey. He's a dating coach who tonight offers us his Brief But Spectacular¹ take on modern love.

MATTHEW HUSSEY, Dating Coach: I am known predominantly for dealing² with people's relationships.

QUESTION: Let's do a little glossary³ of sorts for the audience. Ghosting.

MATTHEW HUSSEY: So, ghosting is the term given to someone just falling off of the radar⁴ completely. They were talking to you, and now they just vanished. Bread-crumbing is different to the ghost. The ghost just vanishes. The bread-crumber gives you a little bit, and then moves away. So the bread-crumber's like the person who says, hey, how's your week going? And they haven't texted you for three weeks. And then, a month later, they come back and they go, thinking of you. In the dating environment today, sometimes, being higher maintenance⁵ is actually the thing that will work better for you. It's this race to the bottom, where everyone thinks that, oh, it's just fast-food dating, Tinder and Bumble and Match and all of these things that I just have to accept whatever treatment I'm given. And if someone wants to meet with me, and it's five minutes from now, I should do it, because, if I don't do it, somebody else will, and this guy seems like a great guy. The only way to stand out in dating today is to actually be more demanding than the next person. When a ship is sinking, and you see everyone running that way, follow the person who's walking that way. For anyone who's watching something like this and says, why aren't we talking politics, science, culture, this is all of those things. If you are in a toxic⁶ relationship, that poisons you everywhere else in your life. You don't think we'd have better politicians if they were happy in their relationships? If things were good back home, and they were happy, and they felt connected, people would be better everywhere in their lives. You master relationships, you master your relationship with the world. I believe that right now is actually the greatest time in history to date. People en masse have lost the ability to go out there and meet people in real life. This is the best opportunity that you could ever have, if you are still a human being that knows how to talk to another human being, because you're not competing with most of the world. One of the greatest ways to stand out in dating right now today is to be someone who could still pick up the phone on an evening and say, hi, how you doing? I'm Matthew Hussey, and this is my Brief But Spectacular take on love and relationships today.

JUDY WOODRUFF: And that's all you need to know.

朱迪·伍德拉夫：情人节到了。为了应景，今天的《新闻一小时》请来了马修·哈斯。作为约会教练的他，今晚将在《简短而精彩》中分享自己对现代爱情的看法。

马修·哈斯，约会教练：大家都知道我的职业是处理恋人之间的关系。

问：那我们来为公众扫盲一下术语表吧，先来一个——“玩消失”。

马修·哈斯：“玩消失”这个恋爱术语指的是雷达也拿他/她束手无策的人。上一秒还在跟你聊天，下一秒就人间蒸发了。“玩暧昧”与“玩消失”还不一样。“玩消失”只是人不见踪影而已。而“玩暧昧”则是给人若即若离的感觉。举个例子，“玩暧昧”的那种人可能会问你：嘿，你这周过的咋样啊？然后接下来的3周就不会给你发信息。然后，1个月后，他们又会出现，说什么想死你了。在当今的恋爱大环境下，有时候，严以律已是更适合大家的做法。现在的大环境是逐底竞争，即所有人都会这样想：不过是快餐式约会而已嘛，那无论是Tinder、Bumble还是Match等等，我都会接受，来者不拒。然后，如果有人想跟我约会，而现在只有5分钟了，那我也要赶去，因为如果我不去，还会有别人去，而这个人看起来是个不错的对象。如今，在约会中脱颖而出的唯一方法就是比下一个人要求更高。船在要沉没的时候，如果你看到所有人都往一个方向跑，那么你就应该跟着那个人一起跑。有些看到这里的朋友可能会这样想：为什么我们不聊聊政治、科学和文化等等这些话题呢？如果您正处在一段彼此折磨的恋情中的话，这样做也会对您生活的其他方面造成负面影响。大家难道不觉得如果政治家恋情甜蜜的话，在政坛也会表现得更好吗？如果家和，那么他们就会心情愉悦，就会感到自己与世界产生了联系，那么他们在生活的其他方面也会表现得更好。如果能掌控自己与他人的关系，就能掌控自己与世界的关系。我认为，现在实际上是目前为止的黄金时期。很多人都失去了走出去，在现实生活中见更多人的能力。这是大家最好的机会，如果您还是一个知道如何与他人说话的人，那是因为您还没有跟世界上的其他人去比较。如今，在约会中脱颖而出的一个最佳方法就是晚上接起电话的时候还能说出：“嗨，你好吗？”这样的话的人。马修·哈斯，这是我本期带来的与爱情和恋人关系有关的《简短而精彩》。

朱迪·伍德拉夫：您的介绍十分详尽，感谢您。

1 spectacular   

adj.引人注目的，出色的，与众不同的

参考例句：

• This is a spectacular film.这是一部场面壮观的电影。
• This is the most spectacular financial crash of the decade.这是10年里最引人注目的金融破产事件。

2 dealing   

n.经商方法，待人态度

参考例句：

• This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。
• His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。

3 glossary   

n.注释词表；术语汇编

参考例句：

• The text is supplemented by an adequate glossary.正文附有一个详细的词汇表。
• For convenience,we have also provided a glossary in an appendix.为了方便，我们在附录中也提供了术语表。

4 radar   

n.雷达，无线电探测器

参考例句：

• They are following the flight of an aircraft by radar.他们正在用雷达追踪一架飞机的飞行。
• Enemy ships were detected on the radar.敌舰的影像已显现在雷达上。

5 maintenance   

n.维修，保养，扶养费，维持，保持

参考例句：

• His small farm provides maintenance,but not much more.他的小农场能使他们维持生活，但仅此而已。
• He has to pay maintenance to his ex-wife.他必须给前妻赡养费。

6 toxic   

adj.有毒的，因中毒引起的

参考例句：

• The factory had accidentally released a quantity of toxic waste into the sea.这家工厂意外泄漏大量有毒废物到海中。
• There is a risk that toxic chemicals might be blasted into the atmosphere.爆炸后有毒化学物质可能会进入大气层。