词汇大师-- Finding the Right Expression of Sympathy

　　AA: I'm Avi Arditti with Rosanne Skirble, and this week on WORDMASTER: our friend English teacher Lida Baker¹ joins us from Los Angeles to talk about expressions of sympathy.

　　LIDA BAKER: "The reason that this came up for me is that a friend of mine lost his father last week, and we were over there visiting him and I said what we normally² say to a person in our culture when someone has died. I said 'I'm so sorry for your loss.' And I've been writing some materials for teaching³ English as a second language and it occurred to me that this is a topic that you never see in E.S.L. textbooks. And yet it's so important in a situation where someone is grieving⁴ to say the right thing."
AA: "And yet doesn't it seem odd⁵ almost to say 'I'm sorry.' I mean, if you think about it, what are you apologizing for? We know what you mean, but -- "
LIDA BAKER: "Well, but it's not an apology."
AA: "Well, right, exactly. So what does that mean?"
LIDA BAKER: "It's an expression of sympathy. And I think this is one of those little traps that people who are learning⁶ English can fall into, is not understanding that an expression like 'I'm sorry' can have several different meanings. And of course, one of them, when you step on someone's foot, you say 'I'm sorry.' You apologize. But another meaning of 'I'm sorry' is an expression of sympathy; you feel sad because the other person has lost something or because something bad has happened to that person. So in that situation it's very appropriate to say 'I'm sorry.'
"Death is such a sensitive topic, not only in U.S. culture but in every culture, I think. Even the word itself is something that we're not comfortable saying. And so we tend to find gentler ways of talking about this topic, so that if somebody has died, we'll say, for example, 'I'm sorry for your loss.' Or 'I heard about your father's passing and I'm so sorry.' Or we'll say 'My condolences.'"
RS: "How do you go beyond that in the conversation?"
LIDA BAKER: "Well, usually, if you say to somebody 'I'm so sorry for your loss,' the person might say 'Thank you.' But they might say nothing, and certainly the way I was brought up, when you're in the presence⁷ of someone who is grieving, the best thing to do is say you're sorry, express your condolences and then be quiet.
"Let the person who's grieving determine what is going to happen next. If they feel like talking, then you go along with that. But if they feel like being silent, then you need to be comfortable with that as well. That's how my parents raised me."
RS: "Now, to go beyond that in writing, how do you go about doing that?"
LIDA BAKER: "Well, I think in writing, if you're writing your own note, the same things that you would say are appropriate to write. So, 'We send you our deepest sympathy.' Or 'I'm so sorry for your loss.' By the way, I want to say something about the word 'sympathy.' I've received sympathy cards from my students on my birthday. [Laughter]"
RS: "Because, because they're -- go on."
LIDA BAKER: "Well, to them, they're very happy that it's my birthday and they're sharing in my happiness. So to them the word sympathy is a word that you use when you are participating in whatever the other person is feeling. But I think what people who are learning English really have to understand is that in our culture, the word sympathy is always associated with sadness.
"So if you are in the store and you're looking for a card to send somebody, and if that card has the word sympathy on it, then they need to understand that that card is meant -- it's intended to be sent to someone who has suffered a death in the family."
RS: English teacher Lida Baker will have more advice next month about expressing kind words at unhappy times.
AA: By the way, right after the interview, we got this e-mail from Lida: "Hi. I just got home and saw one of my neighbors who normally walks with two dogs. He was walking with just one, so I asked him what happened. He said the other dog died last week. So what did I say? 'I'm so sorry for your loss.' And he replied, 'Thank you for your condolences.'"
RS: And that's WORDMASTER for this week. Lida's previous segments⁸ can be found at voanews.com/wordmaster. With Avi Arditti, I'm Rosanne Skirble.

1 baker   

n.面包师

参考例句：

• The baker bakes his bread in the bakery.面包师在面包房内烤面包。
• The baker frosted the cake with a mixture of sugar and whites of eggs.面包师在蛋糕上撒了一层白糖和蛋清的混合料。

2 normally   

adv.正常地，通常地

参考例句：

• I normally do all my shopping on Saturdays.我通常在星期六买东西。
• My pulse beats normally.我脉搏正常。

3 teaching   

n.教学，执教，任教，讲授；(复数)教诲

参考例句：

• We all agree in adopting the new teaching method. 我们一致同意采取新的教学方法。
• He created a new system of teaching foreign languages.他创造了一种新的外语教学体系。

4 grieving   

感到悲痛，伤心( grieve的现在分词 )； 使…伤心

参考例句：

• They are still grieving for their dead child. 他们还在为死去的孩子伤心。
• The news brought no solace to the grieving relations. 这个消息并未给悲痛的家属带来什么安慰。

5 odd   

adj.奇特的；临时的；奇数的；n.[pl.]机会

参考例句：

• She looks a bit odd.I wonder what has happened to her.她的神色有些异样，不知出了什么事。
• He's an odd character and no mistake!他的确是个怪人！

6 learning   

n.学问，学识，学习；动词learn的现在分词

参考例句：

• When you are learning to ride a bicycle,you often fall off.初学骑自行车时，常会从车上掉下来。
• Learning languages isn't just a matter of remembering words.学习语言不仅仅是记些单词的事。

7 presence   

n.出席；到场；存在

参考例句：

• Her presence lent an air of respectability to the occasion.她的到场使那种场合增添了崇高的气氛。
• His presence is indicative of his willingness to help.他的出席表示他愿意帮忙。

8 segments   

部分( segment的名词复数 )； 瓣； [计算机]（字符等的）分段； [动物学]节片

参考例句：

• He is eating oranges in segments. 他正在一瓣瓣地吃橘子。
• Gene cloning provides a means of purifying and propagating specific DNA segments. 基因克隆化提供了一种纯化和扩增特定DNA片段的方法。