完美的父母之爱

Hostess: It can be so hard for kids to make friends at school but it is even more challenging if they've been excluded from a clique¹. And in this morning's Perfect Parenting, we have tips for helping² your kids cope. Merry Wallace is a family therapist. Good morning.

Merry Wallace: Good morning.

Hostess: Why do cliques³ happen because they begin as early as nursery school?

Merry Wallace: What happens is it's naturally for children to form groups because they wanna feel that they belong, that they have an identity. But sometimes the groups can become very exclusionary⁴, they don't want other new members to join in.

Hostess: So clique is a bad thing. It's different from something like a group of good friends. Right?

Merry Wallace: Yes. We tend to associate it with actively⁵ excluding other children, you can't sit at my table in the lunchroom, you can't walk down the hall with me.

Hostess: Does it affect girls differently than boys?

Merry Wallace: I think that whenever it happens to a child whether you are a boy or a girl, it's very devastating⁶ and makes you feel lonely and miserable⁷.

Hostess: It's so hard for parents too to see your child in pain but you have some great tips for us. As you say, one of the first things you need to do as a parent is to convey optimism about the situation. How do you do that?

Merry Wallace: First of all, you want to reassure⁸ your child that your child is fine, there is nothing wrong with the child that sometimes other kids just do this because they wanna feel more important. And if you talk to them about your own experiences, and say "This happened to me and then I found some friends and I got through it". It really gives your child hope.

Hostess: So you don't want to put down the kids that are in the clique, in other words, you wanna sort of keep it on the positive note. Right?

Merry Wallace: Yes. Because your child wants to be friends with these kids and you don't want to put them down. And in fact later on they may become friends with these children.

Hostess: You say it's a great idea to practice role playing. How would you go about doing that?

Merry Wallace: Well, you might sit down with your child and make a list of the kinds of phrases that you can use when you are teased. For example, that's rude or I don't like what you are saying. And have your child actually practice saying these things to you? You can pretend you are the teaser.

Hostess: OK. So that seems to be very valuable, very practical. But and I love this next tip, you say, encourage different activities, right?

Merry Wallace: Sometimes if a child is feeling very lonely because the social situation is not working out well, if you encourage him to join a special interest group, for example, if he likes maths, then he will have the opportunity to meet some friends who have a common interest.

Hostess: Yeah. I told that to my daughter, just do something that you enjoy doing and then maybe the friends will evolve out of that. Is that sort of the way you are thinking?

Merry Wallace: Absolutely. Because you are gonna focus on the activity and you're gonna have less of the need for these children that you are hungering for.

Hostess: Right. That activity might make your child happy in another itself. And you also say you'd be a good role model, right?

Merry Wallace: Yes. Because our children learn about social relationships by watching us, so we wanna be respectful to others, we wanna avoid exclusionary behavior ourselves, otherwise our child will model that behavior.

Hostess: Right. They don't wanna hear you say you are not gonna invite so and so to this party because of whatever right so?

Merry Wallace: Exactly!

Hostess: Watch what you are saying, what about, you know, pe(ople), parents who are just so desperate that they might wanna head to school and sort of get to the bottom of the problem? I can't imagine that, that's a good idea, is it?

Merry Wallace: Well, it's best to wait a while to see if your child can resolve it, because, sometimes your child can. And then if you feel that it's really not going well, ask your child, as a permission. Say, I need to go, because I need to take care of you.

Hostess: Alright what if your child is in sort of the in-crowd, if they may be a leader of a clique, a member of a clique, what sort of messages do you really need to tell your child, about how to behave.

Merry Wallace: You wanna tell your child that it's important to be aware of your impacts on others and not to hurt other people, and so you can remind your child of the times that he or she has suffered any kind of social rejection⁹ like the time you didn't get an invitation to a party. And remember how you felt about it you don't want to do this to someone else.

Hostess: There's a need to be vigilant¹⁰, even if a child isn't in a clique. Right? (Yes. ) Thank you so much for joining us this morning.

Merry Wallace: Oh, it's been a pleasure talking to you.

Hostess: We appreciate that.

1 clique   

n.朋党派系，小集团

参考例句：

• The reactionary ruling clique was torn by internal strife.反动统治集团内部勾心斗角，四分五裂。
• If the renegade clique of that country were in power,it would have meant serious disaster for the people.如果那个国家的叛徒集团一得势，人民就要遭殃。

2 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

3 cliques   

n.小集团，小圈子，派系( clique的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• All traitorous persons and cliques came to no good end. 所有的叛徒及叛徒集团都没好下场。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• They formed cliques and carried arms expansion and war preparations. 他们拉帮结派，扩军备战。 来自互联网

4 exclusionary   

adj.排斥（性）的，排除在外的

参考例句：

• Play not finish, uncle fidgeting, cut exclusionary. 戏未演完，叔父坐立不安，仓皇退席。 来自互联网
• Procecutor: I am asking you to recognize the absurdity of the exclusionary rule. 检察官：我是在请求您认识到这个排除规则的荒谬性。 来自互联网

5 actively   

adv.积极地，勤奋地

参考例句：

• During this period all the students were actively participating.在这节课中所有的学生都积极参加。
• We are actively intervening to settle a quarrel.我们正在积极调解争执。

6 devastating   

adj.毁灭性的，令人震惊的，强有力的

参考例句：

• It is the most devastating storm in 20 years.这是20年来破坏性最大的风暴。
• Affairs do have a devastating effect on marriages.婚外情确实会对婚姻造成毁灭性的影响。

7 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

8 reassure   

v.使放心，使消除疑虑

参考例句：

• This seemed to reassure him and he continued more confidently.这似乎使他放心一点，于是他更有信心地继续说了下去。
• The airline tried to reassure the customers that the planes were safe.航空公司尽力让乘客相信飞机是安全的。

9 rejection   

n.拒绝，被拒，抛弃，被弃

参考例句：

• He decided not to approach her for fear of rejection.他因怕遭拒绝决定不再去找她。
• The rejection plunged her into the dark depths of despair.遭到拒绝使她陷入了绝望的深渊。

10 vigilant   

adj.警觉的，警戒的，警惕的

参考例句：

• He has to learn how to remain vigilant through these long nights.他得学会如何在这漫长的黑夜里保持警觉。
• The dog kept a vigilant guard over the house.这只狗警醒地守护着这所房屋。