英语沙龙：如何避免尴尬谈话

How to Have Less Awkward Conversation What is assuming rapport¹?

Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously² and thinking" how will this go?" you take different approach.

You assume that you and the person will establish a good connection.

How do you do that?

You simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends.

Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.

I have found that this advice is surprisingly useful and easy to implement³.

This also helps you and the other people to set a good frame for the interaction.

A frame is always set in at the start of an interaction.

It might be a nervous and stiff frame, a formal and let's - get to-the point kind of frame or perhaps a super relaxed one.

The thing is that the frame that is set in the beginning of the conversation is often one that may stay on for a while.

First impressions last.

If it's a very stiff frame then it may very well continue to be so until the end.

It can be quite difficult to, for instance, change that frame into a more relaxed one.

Often people you and the others adapt to the frame that is set and interact within it.

Breaking or changing that frame may feel uncomfortable or a bit weird⁴.

And so you and the others can become reluctant to do so and instead just play along.

When you 're with your friend you do not think about what you should say next or what funny comment you could pull out of your sleeve.

You just stay in the present moment, moment by moment, and the conversation flows easily and naturally.

I think this is what some people mean when they give the often confusing advice to" just be yourself".

When your friends give you that advice then they may mean that you should be" like you are when you are hanging out with us".

They want to see you bring out your natural and relaxed self in other interactions.

One final useful thing about assuming rapport is that you may also start to feel positive feelings towards this new person,

as you do with your friend when you meet him / her.

This is a pretty good starting point for getting the new person to reciprocate⁵ and for developing a good relationship.

1 rapport   

n.和睦，意见一致

参考例句：

• She has an excellent rapport with her staff.她跟她职员的关系非常融洽。
• We developed a high degree of trust and a considerable personal rapport.我们发展了高度的互相信任和不错的私人融洽关系。

2 nervously   

adv.神情激动地，不安地

参考例句：

• He bit his lip nervously,trying not to cry.他紧张地咬着唇，努力忍着不哭出来。
• He paced nervously up and down on the platform.他在站台上情绪不安地走来走去。

3 implement   

n.(pl.)工具，器具；vt.实行，实施，执行

参考例句：

• Don't undertake a project unless you can implement it.不要承担一项计划，除非你能完成这项计划。
• The best implement for digging a garden is a spade.在花园里挖土的最好工具是铁锹。

4 weird   

adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的

参考例句：

• From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来，他好像有点怪。
• His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。

5 reciprocate   

v.往复运动；互换；回报，酬答

参考例句：

• Although she did not reciprocate his feelings, she did not discourage him.尽管她没有回应他的感情，她也没有使他丧失信心。
• Some day I will reciprocate your kindness to me.总有一天我会报答你对我的恩德。