【英语语言学习】抚育孩子

RACHEL MARTIN, HOST:

Raising kids is hard. It just is. And there's a whole industry out there trying to help parents figure out how to do it. All kinds of books on the very basics - sleeping, eating and talking - to those that deal with more complicated stuff, like how to teach self-esteem and resiliency. Add another one to your aspirational¹ reading list. It's called "Parentology: Everything You Wanted to Know about the Science of Raising Children but Were Too Exhausted² to Ask." Dalton Conley wrote the book. He joins me from our studios in New York. Thanks so much for being with us.

DALTON CONLEY: Thanks, Rachel.

MARTIN: So, you're a sociologist³ by training, father of two kids, a girl and a boy. What void did you see in all the current parenting literature out there that made you think, yeah, there's a hole I could fill?

CONLEY: Well, I guess there's not much of a void with that pile of books on most parents' bedside table. But I thought that the problem with them was mostly that they were selling snake oil, the idea that there is, you know, one thing you can do that will work - the seven bullet points to successful kids. That's the wrong approach, I think. I thought that really, as a social scientist who's engaged every day with new studies, I was overwhelmed myself with a lot of contradictory⁴ evidence and really realized that what we needed was the proverbial fishing pole book, which just taught parents how to make sense of the literature, make sense of the research and then how to apply it to their own kids.

MARTIN: OK. So, let's start at the beginning, which for most of us is the naming of the child. You and your now-former wife made a pretty bold decision to name your kids in a rather unorthodox way. Can you walk us through your thinking on this?

CONLEY: OK. Well, first, I should say their names, which our daughter is named E - that's just a letter. It doesn't stand for anything, there's no period, although the whole idea was that she could choose when she was older and thought her parents were total freaks. She could name herself after my mother, Ellen, or Elizabeth or some other relatively⁵ normal name. But instead actually today she's still E and clings to it. My son, once you name your first kid E, you kind of have to...

MARTIN: It's a high bar, yeah.

CONLEY: Yeah. So, we went to Yo Xing Heyno Augustus Eisner Alexander Weiser Knuckles⁶. And two of those he picked himself at age 3.

MARTIN: And why did you do this, Dalton?

(LAUGHTER)

CONLEY: Well, despite what some people have said about being a child abuser, I do want to say that both kids love their names and totally identify with them. There's been a long debate about unique names. Early in the 20th century, researchers thought that unique names were overrepresented in mental institutions and jails. And that was really debunked⁷ later on in the century. And in fact, later research found that folks with unusual names were disproportionately represented in Who's Who and had more socioeconomic success. Other research showed that people with unique names demonstrated better impulse control. You learn to bite your tongue. You learn to, you know, unfurl your fists and not react when people are taken aback a little bit by your name or might tease you.

MARTIN: You also talk about something about front stage and back stage behavior. What does that mean? How do you teach it?

CONLEY: That's a term that was invented by the famous midcentury sociologist named Erving Goffman to describe some aspects of social life, where when we go out in the street or we're in the office, hopefully, when we're at a party, we're on front stage. We're aware that everyone else is looking at us, that we're part of civic⁹ society and we behave a certain way. And when you're backstage, you're with your intimates, your close friends and you let your hair down and supposedly you show your more authentic¹⁰ self, if there's such a thing. And so I thought it was important to teach them front stage and back stage. And I allow them to curse me as long as they're doing their homework. But in public, they have to be totally respectful, of course, of other people but even of me because that's - front stage, we don't yell at each other or curse at each other. So...

MARTIN: But, you know, you realize, Dalton, that's controversial and people out there will say, well, that's not teaching discipline. And if the back stage behavior is the authentic self then what does that mean with your relationship with your kid?

CONLEY: That's a good point. I would argue back that kids, especially as they hit adolescence¹¹, need certain outlets¹², right? If you are an authoritarian¹³ parent that demands total respect and don't have that connection to allow your kids, not necessarily to curse you but to vent⁸ their frustration¹⁴ and to talk intimately with you, then it's going to come out in the public sphere where you really don't want it to come out. However, I allow them to vent at me, and they could curse if they want, but the issue I teach them about cursing is that it's an ineffective way of expressing your emotional frustration. That, you know, if you're going to drop the F-bomb or something like that, it's less effective, even if you're trying to hurt me or as an insult. So, I'd say he went through a phase of where he liked the freedom of being able to curse and he's pretty much out of it now, knock on wood. And, again, I throw myself out there as an extreme example. I'm not advocating that kids all over America should be cursing out their parents. I'm just showing kind of an extreme case to show that there's many ways to skin a cat.

MARTIN: Which experiments that you have conducted, with the help of your kids, which one pretty much failed?

CONLEY: OK. math. I bribed¹⁵ them to do extra math because I know that math is such an important weeder subject in getting through the various gauntlets of an academic career. So, I wanted them to at last be functional¹⁶ at a high level in math. So, I bribed them. And, you know, I knew going in that there was some research and it was mixed that bribing¹⁷ kids to do things or bribing anybody to do things, providing what's called extrinsic¹⁸ motivation, can undermine their intrinsic motivation. So, once you stop paying kids to do math, their internal motivation to do math is actually less than it was before, or would have been otherwise. And it worked, to a certain extent, in the fact that, you know, they passed all the big tests they needed to, to get into high school and so forth¹⁹. And I don't think I eroded²⁰ their intrinsic motivation. I don't think that was the problem. But now everything in our household - at least for my son - again is a market economy.

(LAUGHTER)

CONLEY: So, if I ask him to do anything extra, it's like, OK, well, how much is that? So, I basically just embrace that at this point, but I would say that I would have preferred that my household not turn into a Turkish bazaar²¹.

MARTIN: The book is called "Parentology." Dalton Conley is the author. He joined us from our studios in New York. Thanks so much for talking with us, Dalton.

CONLEY: Thank you, Rachel.

1 aspirational   

志同的，有抱负的

参考例句：

• Most of the images that bombard us all are aspirational. 轰击的图像，我们都期望最大。
• Analysts said self-help and aspirational reading could explain India's high figures. 分析师们指出，自助读书、热爱读书是印度人均读书时间超过别的国家的主要原因。

2 exhausted   

adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。

3 sociologist   

n.研究社会学的人，社会学家

参考例句：

• His mother was a sociologist,researching socialism.他的母亲是个社会学家，研究社会主义。
• Max Weber is a great and outstanding sociologist.马克斯·韦伯是一位伟大的、杰出的社会学家。

4 contradictory   

adj.反驳的，反对的，抗辩的；n.正反对，矛盾对立

参考例句：

• The argument is internally contradictory.论据本身自相矛盾。
• What he said was self-contradictory.他讲话前后不符。

5 relatively   

adv.比较...地，相对地

参考例句：

• The rabbit is a relatively recent introduction in Australia.兔子是相对较新引入澳大利亚的物种。
• The operation was relatively painless.手术相对来说不痛。

6 knuckles   

n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝

参考例句：

• He gripped the wheel until his knuckles whitened. 他紧紧握住方向盘，握得指关节都变白了。
• Her thin hands were twisted by swollen knuckles. 她那双纤手因肿大的指关节而变了形。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 debunked   

v.揭穿真相，暴露( debunk的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• His theories have been debunked by recent research. 最近的研究揭穿了他的理论的真相。
• Some advertising slogans should be debunked. 某些夸大的广告用语应予揭露。 来自《简明英汉词典》

8 vent   

n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄

参考例句：

• He gave vent to his anger by swearing loudly.他高声咒骂以发泄他的愤怒。
• When the vent became plugged,the engine would stop.当通风口被堵塞时，发动机就会停转。

9 civic   

adj.城市的，都市的，市民的，公民的

参考例句：

• I feel it is my civic duty to vote.我认为投票选举是我作为公民的义务。
• The civic leaders helped to forward the project.市政府领导者协助促进工程的进展。

10 authentic   

a.真的，真正的；可靠的，可信的，有根据的

参考例句：

• This is an authentic news report. We can depend on it. 这是篇可靠的新闻报道, 我们相信它。
• Autumn is also the authentic season of renewal. 秋天才是真正的除旧布新的季节。

11 adolescence   

n.青春期，青少年

参考例句：

• Adolescence is the process of going from childhood to maturity.青春期是从少年到成年的过渡期。
• The film is about the trials and tribulations of adolescence.这部电影讲述了青春期的麻烦和苦恼。

12 outlets   

n.出口( outlet的名词复数 )；经销店；插座；廉价经销店

参考例句：

• The dumping of foreign cotton blocked outlets for locally grown cotton. 外国棉花的倾销阻滞了当地生产的棉花的销路。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• They must find outlets for their products. 他们必须为自己的产品寻找出路。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

13 authoritarian   

n./adj.专制(的)，专制主义者，独裁主义者

参考例句：

• Foreign diplomats suspect him of authoritarian tendencies.各国外交官怀疑他有着独裁主义倾向。
• The authoritarian policy wasn't proved to be a success.独裁主义的政策证明并不成功。

14 frustration   

n.挫折，失败，失效，落空

参考例句：

• He had to fight back tears of frustration.他不得不强忍住失意的泪水。
• He beat his hands on the steering wheel in frustration.他沮丧地用手打了几下方向盘。

15 bribed   

v.贿赂( bribe的过去式和过去分词 )；向（某人）行贿，贿赂

参考例句：

• They bribed him with costly presents. 他们用贵重的礼物贿赂他。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• He bribed himself onto the committee. 他暗通关节，钻营投机挤进了委员会。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

16 functional   

adj.为实用而设计的，具备功能的，起作用的

参考例句：

• The telephone was out of order,but is functional now.电话刚才坏了，但现在可以用了。
• The furniture is not fancy,just functional.这些家具不是摆着好看的，只是为了实用。

17 bribing   

贿赂

参考例句：

• He tried to escape by bribing the guard. 他企图贿赂警卫而逃走。
• Always a new way of bribing unknown and maybe nonexistent forces. 总是用诸如此类的新方法来讨好那不知名的、甚或根本不存在的魔力。 来自英汉非文学 - 科幻

18 extrinsic   

adj.外部的；不紧要的

参考例句：

• Nowadays there are more extrinsic pressures to get married.现在来自外部的结婚压力多了。
• The question is extrinsic to our discussion.这个问题和我们的讨论无关。

19 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。

20 eroded   

adj. 被侵蚀的，有蚀痕的 动词erode的过去式和过去分词形式

参考例句：

• The cliff face has been steadily eroded by the sea. 峭壁表面逐渐被海水侵蚀。
• The stream eroded a channel in the solid rock. 小溪在硬石中侵蚀成一条水道。

21 bazaar   

n.集市，商店集中区

参考例句：

• Chickens,goats and rabbits were offered for barter at the bazaar.在集市上，鸡、山羊和兔子被摆出来作物物交换之用。
• We bargained for a beautiful rug in the bazaar.我们在集市通过讨价还价买到了一条很漂亮的地毯。