GRE考试写作借鉴：新高分作文点评

 　　"Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely¹ harmless, they in fact, prevent people from developingsintostruly strong and independent individuals."

　　Do modern luxuries serve to undermine our true strength and independence as individuals? The speaker believes so, and I tend to agree. Consider the automobile², for example. Most people consider the automobile a necessity rather than a luxury; yet it is for this very reason that the automobile so aptly supports the speaker’s point. To the extent that we depend on cars as crutches³, they prevent us from becoming truly independent and strong in character as individuals.

　　可借鉴之处：开头启用了一个非常醒目的问句，这是最能吸引批卷者视线也是高分作文的表现!

　　Consider first the effect of the automobile on our independence as individuals. In some respects the automobile serves to enhance such independence. For example, cars make it possible for people in isolated⁴ and depressed⁵ areas without public transportation to become more independent by pursuing gainful employment outside their communities. And teenagers discover that owning a car, or even borrowing one on occasion, affords them a needed sense of independence from their parents.

　　此段主要是为下一段的驳论作铺垫。

　　精华：Consider first…

　　in some respects…=in some cases, to some extent

　　注意afford的用法

　　However, cars have diminished our independence in a number of more significant respects.

　　We’ve grown dependent on our cars for commuting⁶ to work. We rely on them like crutches for short trips to the corner store, and for carting our children to and from school. Moreover, the car has become a means not only to our assorted⁷ physical destinations but also to the attainment⁸ of our socioeconomic goals, insofar as the automobile has become a symbol of status. In fact, in my observation many, if not most, working professionals willingly undermine their financial security for the sake of being seen driving this year’s new SUV or luxury sedan. In short, we’ve become slaves to the automobile.

　　精华：diminish our independence in a number of more significant respects

　　注意not only…but also的用法

　　没有什么惊天地泣鬼神的事例，但却能用平常生活中的点滴起到说理的作用，此法值得借鉴。

　　Consider next the overall impact of the automobile on our strength as individuals, by which I mean strength of character, or mettle⁹. I would be hard-pressed to list one way in which the automobile enhances one’s strength of character. Driving a powerful SUV might afford a person a feeling and appearance of strength, or machismo(男人气魄). But this feeling has nothing to do with a person’s true character. In contrast, there is a certain strength of character that comes with eschewing¹⁰ modern conveniences such as cars, and with the knowledge that one is contributing to a cleaner and quieter environment, a safer neighborhood, and arguably a more genteel society. Also, alternative modes of transportation such as bicycling and walking are forms of exercise which require and promote the virtue¹¹ of self-discipline. Finally, in my observation people who have forsaken¹² the automobile spend more time at home,swheresthey are more inclined to prepare and even grow their own food, and to spend more time with their families. The former enhances one’s independence; the latter enhances the integrity of one’s values and the strength of one’s family.

　　精华：contribute to Consider next…Also,…Finally,…in my observation…

1 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

2 automobile   

n.汽车，机动车

参考例句：

• He is repairing the brake lever of an automobile.他正在修理汽车的刹车杆。
• The automobile slowed down to go around the curves in the road.汽车在路上转弯时放慢了速度。

3 crutches   

n.拐杖, 支柱 v.支撑

参考例句：

• After the accident I spent six months on crutches . 事故后我用了六个月的腋杖。
• When he broke his leg he had to walk on crutches. 他腿摔断了以后，不得不靠拐杖走路。

4 isolated   

adj.与世隔绝的

参考例句：

• His bad behaviour was just an isolated incident. 他的不良行为只是个别事件。
• Patients with the disease should be isolated. 这种病的患者应予以隔离。

5 depressed   

adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的

参考例句：

• When he was depressed,he felt utterly divorced from reality.他心情沮丧时就感到完全脱离了现实。
• His mother was depressed by the sad news.这个坏消息使他的母亲意志消沉。

6 commuting   

交换（的）

参考例句：

• I used the commuting time to read and answer my mail. 我利用上下班在汽车中的时间来阅读和答复给我的函电。
• Noncommuting objects are as real to the mathematicians as commuting objects. 对于数学家来说，不可交换的对象与可交换的对象是一样真实的。

7 assorted   

adj.各种各样的，各色俱备的

参考例句：

• There's a bag of assorted sweets on the table.桌子上有一袋什锦糖果。
• He has always assorted with men of his age.他总是与和他年令相仿的人交往。

8 attainment   

n.达到，到达；［常pl.］成就，造诣

参考例句：

• We congratulated her upon her attainment to so great an age.我们祝贺她高寿。
• The attainment of the success is not easy.成功的取得并不容易。

9 mettle   

n.勇气，精神

参考例句：

• When the seas are in turmoil,heroes are on their mettle.沧海横流，方显出英雄本色。
• Each and every one of these soldiers has proved his mettle.这些战士个个都是好样的。

10 eschewing   

v.（尤指为道德或实际理由而）习惯性避开，回避( eschew的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The company sells direct to customers, eschewing distributors, re-sellers, and dealers. 公司直接向客户销售，避开批发商、分销商和经销商。 来自互联网
• That suggests the Taliban forces are eschewing firefights in favour of terrorist-style attacks. 这表明塔利班武装力量正偏向采用恐怖袭击方式以避免交火。 来自互联网

11 virtue   

n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力

参考例句：

• He was considered to be a paragon of virtue.他被认为是品德尽善尽美的典范。
• You need to decorate your mind with virtue.你应该用德行美化心灵。

12 Forsaken   

adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词

参考例句：

• He was forsaken by his friends. 他被朋友们背弃了。
• He has forsaken his wife and children. 他遗弃了他的妻子和孩子。