这10句话一定不要对伴侣说！

 When you're married or in a long-term relationship, some things are better left unsaid.

在婚姻或长期恋爱中，有些事最好不要说。

Below, marriage therapists and other experts share 10 phrases and statements to strike from your vocabulary now.

以下是婚姻理疗师和其他专家分享的10条短句或说辞，它们需要从你现在的词汇中划掉。

这10句话一定不要对伴侣说！

1. "You never do the dishes. You always just leave them sitting there."

1、“你从不洗餐具。你总是把它们留在那儿。”

Whatever the issue, using accusatory blanket terms like "never" and "always" tends to end the same way every time: with you and your boo engaged in an overblown argument.

无论问题怎么样，每次使用指责性措辞，如“从不”以及“总是”，常常会以同样的方式结束：你和你的嘘声带来过分的争吵。

2. "You sound exactly like your mother."

2、“你听起来跟你妈妈一模一样。”

When arguing, stick to the issue at hand and keep the focus on the two of you. Introducing nasty comparisons to your in-laws is unfair and ultimately a diversion from your problems.

争吵时，就事论事，把注意力放在你们两个人身上。拿姻亲来进行讨厌的比较是不公平的，最终会偏离你们的问题。

3. "You think you're better than everyone else!"

3、“你觉得自己比别人都好！”

Never put words in your partner's mouth. There's no way of knowing what someone is feeling or thinking, so keep the assumptions to yourself.

不要把话强加到你的伴侣身上。你没有办法了解某人的感受或想法，所以自己留着这些假设。

4. "Do I look like I've put on weight?"

4、“我看起来胖了吗？”

Questions about weight or changes in looks are the "oldest grenades in the marriage script".

关于体重或外貌变化的问题是“婚姻生活脚本中最陈旧的手榴弹”。

"What you really mean by asking this is, 'I know I've put on weight. I'm unhappy about how I look and I need you to say that you're OK with my current state.'"

“你问这个问题的真实意图是什么，‘我知道我胖了。我对我的样子感到不快，我需要你告诉我现在的样子就很好。’”

5. "Have you put on a few pounds?"

5、“你胖了吗？”

Blunt, negative remarks to your spouse¹ about his or her appearance are out of line. Unconstructive criticism of physical appearance is painful because you're suggesting that your partner isn't good enough.

对你配偶的外貌给出生硬又负面的评论是不礼貌的。对外貌给出非建设性的批评是令人不快的，因为你在暗示你的伴侣不够好。

6. "You're a horrible parent, breadwinner, lover..."

6、“你是一个可怕的父母、谋生工具、情人……”

Put-downs centered around your spouse’s family or occupational roles are particularly cruel.

以你配偶的家庭或职业角色为中心的贬低行为非常残忍。

Negative statements about our self-identities are devastating². These roles are so important and tender. When they're questioned, we feel completely torn down. It becomes hard to forget statements like this.

针对我们自我身份给出负面的评论是毁灭性的。这些角色那么重要、那么脆弱。当它们被质疑的时候，我们会觉得被完全摧毁了。想忘掉这样的评论会很难。

7. "Ugh, I hate when you do that." (Said in front of friends or family.)

7、“唷！我不喜欢你那么做。”（当着朋友或家人的面说。）

Putting your spouse down in front of others is a huge no-no in a relationship. It causes resentment³ and a lack of trust.

在其他人面前贬低你的配偶是感情中的大禁忌。它会引起怨恨并会导致信任丧失。

8. "I barely know him — he's just someone I work with."

8、“我不大认识他——他只是我的同事。”

It's almost inevitable⁴ that you or your partner will develop a small, innocent crush on someone at some point during your marriage. If that happens, be upfront about it. Don't try to sweep it under the rug with a statement that minimizes your feelings.

在婚姻中的某一时刻，你或你的伴侣几乎不可避免地会对某个人产生轻微的、单纯的好感。如果发生了这样的事，诚实地对待它。不要置之不理并试图用一句话来最小化你的感觉。

9. "You shouldn't feel that way."

9、“你不应该有这样的感觉。”

There's nothing more belittling⁵ or condescending⁶ than telling your spouse what he should or shouldn't be feeling in any given situation.

在特定的情况下，没有什么比告诉你的配偶他应该或不应该有什么样的感觉更让人觉得你轻视或居高临下地对他了。

Try to understand your partner and be curious about his experience rather than dismissing what you don't understand.

试着理解你的伴侣，对他的经历感到好奇而不是对你不理解的事情不予理会。

10. "Don't wait up for me."

10、“不要熬夜等我了。”

This seemingly innocent remark suggests you're not going to bed at the same time, a habit that can be damaging to your relationship.

这种貌似无辜的言辞暗示你们不会同时上床睡觉，这是一个会伤害你们感情的习惯。

1 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

2 devastating   

adj.毁灭性的，令人震惊的，强有力的

参考例句：

• It is the most devastating storm in 20 years.这是20年来破坏性最大的风暴。
• Affairs do have a devastating effect on marriages.婚外情确实会对婚姻造成毁灭性的影响。

3 resentment   

n.怨愤，忿恨

参考例句：

• All her feelings of resentment just came pouring out.她一股脑儿倾吐出所有的怨恨。
• She cherished a deep resentment under the rose towards her employer.她暗中对她的雇主怀恨在心。

4 inevitable   

adj.不可避免的，必然发生的

参考例句：

• Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
• The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。

5 belittling   

使显得微小，轻视，贬低( belittle的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• We must be realistic in our self-estimation, neither being conceited nor belittling ourselves. 我们对自己的估计应该实事求是， 不要自高自大，也不要妄自菲薄。
• I find it belittling to be criticized by someone so much younger than me. 有个比我年轻许多的人批评了我，我觉得是小看了我。

6 condescending   

adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的

参考例句：

• He has a condescending attitude towards women. 他对女性总是居高临下。
• He tends to adopt a condescending manner when talking to young women. 和年轻女子说话时，他喜欢摆出一副高高在上的姿态。