Christmas Present

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided¹ to ask his shrink² what to do. The shrink said, "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests."

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. "I want a damn³ teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake-up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage."

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage.
When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "What did Santa bring you this year?"
Johnny replied,"I think I got a dog but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!"
 

1 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

2 shrink   

n.收缩，萎缩；vi.收缩，退缩，萎缩；vt.使收缩

参考例句：

• Washing wool in hot water will shrink it.在热水中洗毛织品会使其缩水。
• This cloth won't shrink when it's washed.这种布下水不缩。

3 damn   

int.该死，他妈的；vt.指责，贬斥，诅咒

参考例句：

• Damn this useless typewriter!这台破打字机真该死！
• I knew damn well what he was going to say.我非常清楚他要说什么。