为什么你总是单身?史上最糟男友条件你有吗?

    单身狗们，不要黯然神伤啦！不如反省一下自己，最容易导致单身的原因你占几样？且看“史上最糟男友”现场为你演绎“单身宝典”！本故事纯属虚构，仅供参考，切勿模仿哦~ 话说，妹纸们遇到这么一位极品男友，也是够悲催的……想要脱单，就得先了解女人，让飞儿带各位单身狗进入女儿家的世界吧！

　　女人=天生反话王信了，你就输了

　　女人跟爱人说的话可千万不要全部当真，作为另一半的男士们需要了解这些女人们通用的反话，否则就等着被收拾吧！

　　1) Fine 算了

　　This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

　　当女人们认为自己有理时，她们通常喜欢用这个词来结束争吵，而这时你应该闭嘴。

　　2) Five Minutes 5分钟就好

　　If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping¹ around the house.

　　如果她在换衣服打扮什么的，她说的五分钟事实上还要半个小时。而当她在打扫屋子而你在看球赛的时候，那她嘴里的五分钟可就真的是再给你五分钟了。

　　3) Nothing 没事

　　This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

　　这是暴风雨来临之前的预兆。她嘴上说没事其实却是有事的，你可得当心点了。一开始说“没事”的争吵往往最终以“算了”结束。

　　4) Go Ahead 想去就去呗

　　This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

　　这只是在警告你，类似于“你敢？”，而不是真的准你去，千万别当真。

　　5) Loud Sigh 长叹一口气

　　This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing² here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

　　虽然没具体说什么，但是这确实传达了她的心思，男人们却往往误读了这个信号。长叹一口气意味着她心里觉得你是个大白痴，不知道自己为什么还要在这里浪费时间跟你吵些鸡毛蒜皮的事。（这个的严重程度请参照3）

　　6) That's Okay 没关系

　　This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

　　这是女人对男人说的一句最危险的话。“没关系”就意味着她还需要点时间好好想想什么时候怎么样让你付出代价。

　　7) Thanks 谢谢

　　A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' – that is PURE sarcasm³ and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').

　　如果一个女人对你说谢谢，不要问为什么，也不要昏倒。你只需要对她说不用谢。（我很想在这里加一句--她如果只说谢谢，那么她是真心的，但她如果说非常感谢的时候，她只是想讽刺你罢了，根本没有一丝谢意。千万别回答不用谢，那只会换来一句“Whatever”。）

　　8) Whatever 随你便

　　Is a woman's way of saying F– YOU!

　　这时候女人已经在心里骂人了。

　　9) Don't worry about it, I got it. 算了，还是我来吧

　　Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

　　这是另一个非常危险的信号，意思是她已经说了很多遍让你去做某事，但最后她决定亲自动手。最后通常是男的追问她“怎么了？”，女人会说“nothing”。

　　最后奉上各个星座对这个浪漫节日的不同反应：

　　Aries: You're determined⁴ to receive the most cards, candy and flowers. Who says sending roses to yourself doesn't count?

　　白羊座：期望收到很多卡片、甜点和鲜花。谁说给自己送花不算数？

　　Taurus: A bouquet⁵ of dandelions, dime⁶ store chocolates and dinner at a fast food restaurant? Relax, it was just a bad dream!

　　金牛座：难道仅仅是一束蒲公英，廉价巧克力或者快餐店的一顿晚餐吗？放松点，这只不过是个恶梦。

　　Gemini: You make two dates for the night -- and then backup plans with your friends in case you decide to flake⁷ on your original plans.

　　双子座：你为今晚准备了两个约会，这样万一原定约会泡汤了还可以和朋友一起。

　　Cancer: Ooh, there's nothing like candy heart art and lace doilies to get you going! Martha Stewart's got nothing on you.

　　巨蟹座：没有什么能像心形点心和系着绸带的礼物那样吸引你。但是大款可没准备送给你礼物。

　　Leo: You are displeased⁸ by the single red rose some admirer left on your windshield. Clearly you are worth at least a dozen!

　　狮子座：有人悄悄送了一支玫瑰，这让你很是恼火，因为至少该送一打玫瑰啊！

　　Virgo: You refuse to share the box of chocolates you receive -- what if someone fingers them? What if someone sneezes on your roses?

　　处女座：拒绝跟别人分享你收到的巧克力。有人拿手指拨弄怎么办？有人对着你的玫瑰打了个喷嚏怎么办？

　　Libra: You send valentines to everyone you know: your hairdresser, your fourth grade teacher, your manicurist, your manicurist's cousin … You don't want anyone to feel left out.

　　天秤座：你给认识的每个人都送去情人节的祝福：你的理发师、你四年级的老师、你的美甲师、美甲师的表弟……你不想让任何人被遗忘。

　　Scorpio: Why go out for a fancy dinner when you already have dessert waiting at home? Who knew that a Cupid costume could be so sexy?

　　天蝎座：与其在家坐等餐后甜点不如出去享受一次奇特的美味。谁能想到丘比特的衣服会如此性感呢？

　　Sagittarius: You can't commit to sending a card -- what if the recipient⁹ reads too much into it? You fake temporary amnesia¹⁰ to avoid acknowledging the holiday.

　　射手座：不想赠送卡片——万一收卡人误解了你的意思怎么办？为了避免这个误会只好假装忘记了这个节日。

　　Capricorn: Lacy hearts and syrupy sentiments make you sneeze -- besides, nothing says love like a new electronic organizer!

　　摩羯座：带花边的心形食品和甜甜的味道让你禁不住打喷嚏——毕竟，谁都不会说爱情像一个新的电子记事本。

　　Aquarius: Manufactured holidays aren't your cup of decaffeinated herbal tea, but consuming a few vegan chocolates doesn't make you a conformist, does it?

　　水瓶座：这种人人都过的俗节似乎不太适合你的品位，但是稍稍随俗一下，也没什么。

　　Pisces: You live for this stuff! The world would be such a better place if we could all just hold hands and share heart-shaped cookies every day.

　　双鱼座：似乎你天生就为了过这个节日。如果每天都能分享心形甜点多好啊。

1 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

2 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

3 sarcasm   

n.讥讽，讽刺，嘲弄，反话 （adj.sarcastic）

参考例句：

• His sarcasm hurt her feelings.他的讽刺伤害了她的感情。
• She was given to using bitter sarcasm.她惯于用尖酸刻薄语言挖苦人。

4 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

5 bouquet   

n.花束，酒香

参考例句：

• This wine has a rich bouquet.这种葡萄酒有浓郁的香气。
• Her wedding bouquet consisted of roses and ivy.她的婚礼花篮包括玫瑰和长春藤。

6 dime   

n.（指美国、加拿大的钱币）一角

参考例句：

• A dime is a tenth of a dollar.一角银币是十分之一美元。
• The liberty torch is on the back of the dime.自由火炬在一角硬币的反面。

7 flake   

v.使成薄片；雪片般落下；n.薄片

参考例句：

• Drain the salmon,discard the skin,crush the bones and flake the salmon with a fork.将鲑鱼沥干，去表皮，粉碎鱼骨并用餐叉子将鱼肉切成小薄片状。
• The paint's beginning to flake.油漆开始剥落了。

8 displeased   

a.不快的

参考例句：

• The old man was displeased and darted an angry look at me. 老人不高兴了，瞪了我一眼。
• He was displeased about the whole affair. 他对整个事情感到很不高兴。

9 recipient   

a.接受的,感受性强的 n.接受者,感受者,容器

参考例句：

• Please check that you have a valid email certificate for each recipient. 请检查是否对每个接收者都有有效的电子邮件证书。
• Colombia is the biggest U . S aid recipient in Latin America. 哥伦比亚是美国在拉丁美洲最大的援助对象。

10 amnesia   

n.健忘症，健忘

参考例句：

• People suffering from amnesia don't forget their general knowledge of objects.患健忘症的人不会忘记关于物体的一些基本知识。
• Chinese medicine experts developed a way to treat amnesia using marine materials.中国医学专家研制出用海洋物质治疗遗忘症的方法。