英文幽默笑话：诵读课

 I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly read．There was a book used by the leaners in reading calledDialogues between a Missionary¹ and an Indian．It was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces．The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing² behind him． 

　　The lesson was to begin．The poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable³ and the omission⁴ of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towards the right of him， whence the blows were to proceed．The master looked over him，and his hand was ready．I am not exact in my quotation⁵ at this distance of time ；but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect⁶ was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed： 

　　Master．Now，young man，have a care ；or I'll set you a swingeing task．（A common phrase of his．） 

　　Pupil（making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and neverremembering his stop at the wordMissionary）．Missionary Can you see the wind？ 

　　（Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek．） 

　　Pupil（raising his voice to a cry，and still forgetting his stop）．Indian No！ 

　　Master．Zounds，young man！have a care how you provoke me！ 

　　Pupil（always forgetting the stop）．Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing？ 

　　（Here a terrible thump⁷．） 

　　Pupil（with a shout of agony）． Indian Because I feel it． 

　　当年我有个同学，入学比常规的年龄要迟，而且几乎完全不会读书。那时有个学生用的阅读课本，叫做《传教士和印第安人的对话》。课本不怎么样，尽是不得要领的论说和一些老生常谈。那孩子常常手拿该课本出现在学校中央，身后站着教师。 

　　授课即将开始。那可怜的学生的毛病在于他读音节时语调深沉地拖长腔并略去应有的停顿。他站立着，三心二意地看着书，一面向身子右边瞄去，因为打击将会来自那个方向。教师盯视着他，手已摆出了打人的架势。因为时隔已久，我的引述可能不很确切，但就我所忆，先生和学生的一次对话的要旨大致如下： 

　　老师：年轻人，小心点；要不我可要让你狠狠吃点苦头。（这是他的口头禅。） 

　　学生：（大难临头，身体猛然一摇闪，根本记不得在传教士一词后应该停顿。）传教士你能看见风吗？ 

　　（教师扇了他一耳光。） 

　　学生：（提高了嗓音，几乎是在哭喊，但仍不记得要停顿）印第安人不能啊！ 

　　教师：该死！年轻人，小心点别惹我发火！ 

　　学生：（一如既往漏掉停顿）传教士那你怎么知道有这样一种东西呢？ 

　　（这时来了重重一击。） 

　　学生：（痛苦地叫喊）印第安人因为我感觉到了。 

1 missionary   

adj.教会的，传教(士)的；n.传教士

参考例句：

• She taught in a missionary school for a couple of years.她在一所教会学校教了两年书。
• I hope every member understands the value of missionary work. 我希望教友都了解传教工作的价值。

2 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

3 syllable   

n.音节；vt.分音节

参考例句：

• You put too much emphasis on the last syllable.你把最后一个音节读得太重。
• The stress on the last syllable is light.最后一个音节是轻音节。

4 omission   

n.省略，删节；遗漏或省略的事物，冗长

参考例句：

• The omission of the girls was unfair.把女孩排除在外是不公平的。
• The omission of this chapter from the third edition was a gross oversight.第三版漏印这一章是个大疏忽。

5 quotation   

n.引文，引语，语录；报价，牌价，行情

参考例句：

• He finished his speech with a quotation from Shakespeare.他讲话结束时引用了莎士比亚的语录。
• The quotation is omitted here.此处引文从略。

6 recollect   

v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得

参考例句：

• He tried to recollect things and drown himself in them.他极力回想过去的事情而沉浸于回忆之中。
• She could not recollect being there.她回想不起曾经到过那儿。

7 thump   

v.重击，砰然地响；n.重击，重击声

参考例句：

• The thief hit him a thump on the head.贼在他的头上重击一下。
• The excitement made her heart thump.她兴奋得心怦怦地跳。