别太相信和执迷于第一印象

 　　The Truth about First Impressions

　　First impressions are an interesting phenomenon. Just about every article or book chapter on this topic will tell you that first impressions are extremely important, so you have to ensure that you always make a great one.

　　Thus, they’ll encourage you to be dressed sharp, have a positive body language and pay attention to about two dozen things when you interact with a person for the first time, in order to convey the ideal message.

　　But is all of this really necessary? And is it really useful?

　　After several years of working as a communication and confidence coach, my answer is a definite “No”. In the following paragraphs, I’d like to show you why and tell you the truth about first impressions. There are several key things to realize about them.

　　1. First Impressions Are Correctable

　　Indeed, the first few minutes of an interaction tend to weigh more than any other equal span of time of an interaction in how the other person perceives you.

　　However, here’s the thing: most interactions extend long enough for you to be able to change the perception you create in these first few minutes if you want.

　　In a 30 minute conversation, the first impression is created in, let’s say, the first 3 minutes. Even if you make a terrible impression, you have 27 minutes to recover. That’s more than enough time to be able to turn around just about any perception you created.

　　In practice, I see this all the time: people who behave a bit awkward in an interaction with a stranger initially¹ but, as they get more comfortable with the relation, their behavior changes, and the overall impression they convey with it.

　　2. The More You Fret² About the First Impression, the Worse It Will Be

　　I see this happen frequently as well. You worry that you have to make a great first impression, so you learn all these tips and tricks for creating a great first impression.

　　Then you go into a social setting and your mind is so crammed³ with ideas to apply that you can’t even think straight. Thus, you end up feeling more nervous than usual and behaving weird⁴, which makes you even more nervous, which amplifies⁵ the weirdness⁶.

　　In reality, one of the best things you can do is to not concern yourself too much about the first impression. Try to behave in a positive manner, but don’t demand of yourself to be perfect and don’t try to apply a million pieces of advice.

　　This will help you be calm and centered; a state which has the best chances of helping⁷ you put your best self out there and indeed create a good perception. It’s one of the paradoxes⁸ of human relations.

　　3. It’s Okay If Some People Don’t Like You

　　I believe that authors who encourage you to pay extraordinary attention to the first impression you create often come from the mindset that you need to please everyone you meet and make them like you.

　　There is no reasonable motive⁹ to believe this. This is just an impractical¹⁰ people pleasing attitude that gets you nowhere. It makes you insecure around others, it makes relating to others a burden and it makes you waste huge amounts energy attempting to please others.

　　If you’re at some level in this mindframe, seek to get out of it as soon as you can. Realize that you don’t need to please everybody and that it’s okay if some of the people you meet don’t like you. Nobody died because of it.

　　4. What Really Matters Is Your Overall Social Interaction Style

　　Since first impressions are correctable, it stands to reason that what truly matters is your ability to correct them. And this ability is determined¹¹ by your overall style of interaction with others.

　　If overall, you’re skilled socially, you can afford to make mistakes, even huge mistakes, at any point in an interaction. Trust me: it won’t really matter. Overall, you will still create a positive impression.

　　This is why I believe that instead of focusing on learning how to create a good first impression, it’s best to focus on developing your interpersonal skills on the whole. They will be what will carry you through a conversation and help you construct quality relationships with others.

　　Learn to be a good listener and learn to express yourself fluently. Develop your social awareness¹² and develop your storytelling skills. Build and interesting life and build your social confidence. These are the truly crucial elements.

　　When you have the right view on first impressions, you are able to give them the exact attention they deserve. No more, no less. You put your focus and energy in the right place, and you improve your ability to relate to others. This is what I hope you’ll achieve above all.

1 initially   

adv.最初，开始

参考例句：

• The ban was initially opposed by the US.这一禁令首先遭到美国的反对。
• Feathers initially developed from insect scales.羽毛最初由昆虫的翅瓣演化而来。

2 fret   

v.(使)烦恼；(使)焦急；(使)腐蚀，(使)磨损

参考例句：

• Don't fret.We'll get there on time.别着急，我们能准时到那里。
• She'll fret herself to death one of these days.她总有一天会愁死的.

3 crammed   

adj.塞满的，挤满的；大口地吃；快速贪婪地吃v.把…塞满；填入；临时抱佛脚( cram的过去式)

参考例句：

• He crammed eight people into his car. 他往他的车里硬塞进八个人。
• All the shelves were crammed with books. 所有的架子上都堆满了书。

4 weird   

adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的

参考例句：

• From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来，他好像有点怪。
• His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。

5 amplifies   

放大，扩大( amplify的第三人称单数 )； 增强； 详述

参考例句：

• Gain is the number of times the amplifier amplifies a signal. 增益就是放大器放大信号的倍数。
• Such panicky behaviour amplifies the impact of the Russian export ban. 这样的恐慌行为放大了俄罗斯小麦出口禁令的影响效应。

6 weirdness   

n.古怪，离奇，不可思议

参考例句：

• The weirdness of the city by night held her attention. 夜间城市的古怪景象吸引了她的注意力。
• But that's not the end of the weirdness feasible in evolutionary systems. 然而这还不是进化系统居然可行的最怪异的地方呐。

7 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

8 paradoxes   

n.似非而是的隽语，看似矛盾而实际却可能正确的说法( paradox的名词复数 )；用于语言文学中的上述隽语；有矛盾特点的人[事物，情况]

参考例句：

• Contradictions and paradoxes arose in increasing numbers. 矛盾和悖论越来越多。 来自辞典例句
• As far as these paradoxes are concerned, the garden definitely a heterotopia. 就这些吊诡性而言，花园无疑地是个异质空间。 来自互联网

9 motive   

n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的

参考例句：

• The police could not find a motive for the murder.警察不能找到谋杀的动机。
• He had some motive in telling this fable.他讲这寓言故事是有用意的。

10 impractical   

adj.不现实的，不实用的，不切实际的

参考例句：

• He was hopelessly impractical when it came to planning new projects.一到规划新项目，他就完全没有了实际操作的能力。
• An entirely rigid system is impractical.一套完全死板的体制是不实际的。

11 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

12 awareness   

n.意识，觉悟，懂事，明智

参考例句：

• There is a general awareness that smoking is harmful.人们普遍认识到吸烟有害健康。
• Environmental awareness has increased over the years.这些年来人们的环境意识增强了。