魅力人士共享的十大习惯

 　　10 Habits of Remarkably¹ Charismatic People

　　Being remarkably charismatic isn't about our level of success or our presentation skills or how we dress or the image we project--it's about what we do.

　　Some people instantly make us feel important. Some people instantly make us feel special. Some people light up a room just by walking in.

　　We can’t always define it, but some people have it: They’re naturally charismatic.

　　Unfortunately, natural charisma² quickly loses its impact. Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity.

　　But some people are remarkably charismatic: They build and maintain great relationships, consistently influence (in a good way) the people around them, consistently make people feel better about themselves–they’re the kind of people everyone wants to be around…and wants to be.

　　Fortunately we can, because being remarkably charismatic isn’t about our level of success or our presentation skills or how we dress or the image we project–it’s about what we do.

　　Here are the 10 habits of remarkably charismatic people:

　　1. They listen way more than they talk.

　　Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond–not so much verbally, but nonverbally.

　　That’s all it takes to show the other person they’re important.

　　Then when you do speak, don’t offer advice unless you’re asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because when you offer advice in most cases you make the conversation about you, not them.

　　Don’t believe me? Who is “Here’s what I would do…” about: you or the other person?

　　Only speak when you have something important to say–and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.

　　2. They don’t practice selective hearing.

　　Some people — I guarantee you know people like this — are incapable³ of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.

　　Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn’t make a sound in the forest, because there’s no one actually listening.

　　Remarkably charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or “level,” feel like we have something in common with them.

　　Because we do: We’re all people.

　　3. They put their stuff away.

　　Don’t check your phone. Don’t glance at your monitor. Don’t focus on anything else, even for a moment.

　　You can never connect with others if you’re busy connecting with your stuff, too.

　　Give the gift of your full attention. That’s a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.

　　4. They give before they receive — and often they never receive.

　　Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.

　　Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who really matters is you.

　　5. They don’t act self-important…

　　The only people who are impressed by your stuffy⁴, pretentious⁵, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.

　　The rest of us aren’t impressed. We’re irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.

　　And we hate when you walk in the room.

　　6. …Because they realize other people are more important.

　　You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view.

　　That stuff isn’t important, because it’s already yours. You can’t learn anything from yourself.

　　But you don’t know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don’t know.

　　That makes them a lot more important than you — because they’re people you can learn from.

　　7. They shine the spotlight⁶ on others.

　　No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.

　　Wait, you say you don’t know what they did well?

　　Shame on you — it’s your job to know. It’s your job to find out ahead of time.

　　Not only will people appreciate your praise, they’ll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they’re doing.

　　Then they’ll feel a little more accomplished⁷ and a lot more important.

　　8. They choose their words.

　　The words you use impact the attitude of others.

　　For example, you don’t have to go to a meeting; you get to go meet with other people. You don’t have to create a presentation for a new client; you get to share cool stuff with other people. You don’t have to go to the gym; you get to work out and improve your health and fitness.

　　You don’t have to interview job candidates; you get to select a great person to join your team.

　　We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves — and make you feel better about yourself, too.

　　9. They don’t discuss the failings of others…

　　Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a little dirt.

　　The problem is, we don’t necessarily like — and we definitely don’t respect — the people who dish that dirt.

　　Don’t laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.

　　10. …But they readily admit their failings.

　　Incredibly successful people are often assumed to have charisma simply because they’re successful. Their success seems to create a halo effect, almost like a glow.

　　Keyword is seem.

　　You don’t have to be incredibly successful to be remarkably charismatic. Scratch the shiny surface, and many successful people have all the charisma of a rock.

　　But you do have to be incredibly genuine to be remarkably charismatic.

　　Be humble⁸. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself.

　　While you should never laugh at other people, you should always laugh at yourself.

　　People won’t laugh at you. People will laugh laugh with you.

　　They’ll like you better for it–and they’ll want to be around you a lot more.

1 remarkably   

ad.不同寻常地，相当地

参考例句：

• I thought she was remarkably restrained in the circumstances. 我认为她在那种情况下非常克制。
• He made a remarkably swift recovery. 他康复得相当快。

2 charisma   

n.(大众爱戴的)领袖气质，魅力

参考例句：

• He has enormous charisma. He is a giant of a man.他有超凡的个人魅力，是个伟人。
• I don't have the charisma to pull a crowd this size.我没有那么大的魅力，能吸引这么多人。

3 incapable   

adj.无能力的，不能做某事的

参考例句：

• He would be incapable of committing such a cruel deed.他不会做出这么残忍的事。
• Computers are incapable of creative thought.计算机不会创造性地思维。

4 stuffy   

adj.不透气的，闷热的

参考例句：

• It's really hot and stuffy in here.这里实在太热太闷了。
• It was so stuffy in the tent that we could sense the air was heavy with moisture.帐篷里很闷热，我们感到空气都是潮的。

5 pretentious   

adj.自命不凡的，自负的，炫耀的

参考例句：

• He is a talented but pretentious writer.他是一个有才华但自命不凡的作家。
• Speaking well of yourself would only make you appear conceited and pretentious.自夸只会使你显得自负和虚伪。

6 spotlight   

n.公众注意的中心，聚光灯，探照灯，视听，注意，醒目

参考例句：

• This week the spotlight is on the world of fashion.本周引人瞩目的是时装界。
• The spotlight followed her round the stage.聚光灯的光圈随着她在舞台上转。

7 accomplished   

adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的

参考例句：

• Thanks to your help,we accomplished the task ahead of schedule.亏得你们帮忙,我们才提前完成了任务。
• Removal of excess heat is accomplished by means of a radiator.通过散热器完成多余热量的排出。

8 humble   

adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低

参考例句：

• In my humble opinion,he will win the election.依我拙见，他将在选举中获胜。
• Defeat and failure make people humble.挫折与失败会使人谦卑。