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(单词翻译:双击或拖选)
How to Handle Tough Conversations
I just finished a terrific book called Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. Authors Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Kerry Patterson, and Al Switzler define a “crucial conversation” as one where opinions vary, something is at risk, and emotions are running high.
The results of truly crucial conversations have a large impact on your quality of life. However, despite their importance, we often back away from crucial conversations because we feel awkward or fear that we’ll make the situation worse. And when we do attempt to have them, we’re prone1 to making stupid or offensive comments that lead to disaster. Some work-related topics that involve crucial conversations include:
Talking to a co-worker who is behaving badly
Giving the boss feedback about his management style
Critiquing a direct report’s work
Confronting a team member who is shirking her responsibilities
Giving an unfavorable performance review
Twenty-five years of research involving 17 organizations and more than 100,000 people led the authors to conclude that the most critical skill of competent leaders is the ability to skillfully address emotionally and politically risky2 issues.
My own crucial conversation
I have a confession3 to make. This book has been sitting on my shelf for a few years now, but I consulted it today because I need to have a crucial conversation myself. There is a woman I work with who never meets deadlines. I’ve talked to her multiple times about this issue, but the situation hasn’t improved. At this point, she’s acknowledged that I’m nagging4 her, which probably makes her even less likely to comply. I wish I could just let it go, but every missed deadline is costing me time and money.
According to Crucial Conversations, I’ve been addressing a symptom rather than the problem itself. The real problem here is that my co-worker doesn’t feel that it’s important to fulfill5 her commitments, and a symptom of this is missing deadlines.
The book suggests that I look for patterns in her behavior (i.e. other instances where she doesn’t do what she said she was going to do) and have a calm and honest conversation about those. And if I do seem a little frustrated6, my emotions won’t seem out of proportion because I’m not addressing a single incident but a global problem that signals a lack of trust and respect.
My plan of attack
So what might my approach to the conversation look like?
“Jessica (not her real name), I’ve noticed that lately you’ve been missing deadlines, leaving the office before we’ve finalized7 client deliverables, and forgetting to make your prospecting8 calls. When you don’t do what you say you’re going to do, it makes me feel like you lack commitment to this job and that I can’t trust you. I would like to understand where you’re coming from so we can decide if this position is a good fit for you.”
I recognize that this conversation has the potential to grow defensive9 and heated and I will do my best to remain calm, listening carefully to Jessica’s point of view. Throughout, I must remind myself of what I really want, which is for Jessica to change her behavior to demonstrate a true commitment to our work. If she can do that following this interaction, then I need to let bygones be bygones.”
What crucial conversations have you had recently? What did you do right, and what did you do wrong? What do you feel you need to work on to be even more effective?
点击收听单词发音
1 prone | |
adj.(to)易于…的,很可能…的;俯卧的 | |
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2 risky | |
adj.有风险的,冒险的 | |
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3 confession | |
n.自白,供认,承认 | |
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4 nagging | |
adj.唠叨的,挑剔的;使人不得安宁的v.不断地挑剔或批评(某人)( nag的现在分词 );不断地烦扰或伤害(某人);无休止地抱怨;不断指责 | |
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5 fulfill | |
vt.履行,实现,完成;满足,使满意 | |
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6 frustrated | |
adj.挫败的,失意的,泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 );挫败;使受挫折;令人沮丧 | |
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7 finalized | |
vt.完成(finalize的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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8 prospecting | |
n.探矿 | |
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9 defensive | |
adj.防御的;防卫的;防守的 | |
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