10 Tips from Grandma on Being a Woman

10 Tips from Grandma on Being a Woman

 My 68-year-old, small town Texas grandmother is the most quoted authority figure in my weekly Sex by Numbers column – this fact says a good deal about how much I take to heart her advice.

My grandmother never steers¹ me wrong – when I accept and apply her wisdom, I invariably succeed; when I (foolishly) dismiss it, I sometimes fall flat on my face. Is she a seer or sage²? No, but she is a woman of great scope and influence, whose seasoned words serve as signposts along the way. Any woman who remains³ a knock-out as she nears her 70s (not to mention maintains active suitors, despite her preference for being single and fabulous⁴), has some advice worthy⁵ for the record books.

This merry, celebratory installation of Sex by Numbers offers you ten tips, culled⁶ from a lifetime of listening to and weighing carefully Grandma Sara’s expert opinion. A woman of many talents, immeasurable joy, and classic style, she might just have a sweet kernel⁷ of truth that helps you take it to the next level, not just tomorrow, but in the coming decades.

Men and women should marry, but maintain separate houses

A woman needs her space and room to breath, and, more importantly, men need to learn how to take care of themselves.

When shopping for clothes, if you find that rare, brilliant garment that rocks your figure, then purchase that item in at least four different colors

You will feel crazy at the time, but will thank yourself later when you look hotter than every other woman in the room. And you can keep up the pace not just once, but multiple times.

Have a ball, smoke cigarettes, and drink cocktails⁸ like it’ll never go out of style when you’re young. But, once you’re 35, swear off that shit and don’t look back

Your liver and lungs – not to mention the delicate skin on your face – will thank you.

The main dish on your dinner plate every evening should be a variety of seasonal⁹, steamed vegetables

Eating vegetables every single day keeps you spry and fresh as the morning dew. Beta carotenes and antioxidants are your best friend, and a heart healthy diet steers you into your senior years better than anything else.

Work out every single day – no matter what – because this is how a woman maintains her sanity¹⁰ and figure

Never let your figure go – it’s far easier to keep it than to struggle to regain¹¹ it. Stay slim, don’t get fat, and walk at least four miles for every sunrise. When I was younger, I fretted¹² tirelessly about my perceived physical  imperfections. I obsessed¹³ over the fine lines around my eyes, I gritted¹⁴ my teeth over my post-pregnancy breasts, and even though you could see my ribcage, I convinced myself that I was heavy around my mid-section. I look back at these yellowed snapshots of my younger self and think, ‘Sara, you were beautiful. You were perfect. And you took it for granted, and instead wasted your time with useless, self-hating thoughts.’ Be fabulous and beautiful instead of a dunce and a dweeb.

There is a psychology¹⁵ of makeup¹⁶, and women wear it for a reason. It makes you beautiful, it is self-expressive, and it reminds men of sex

When women are healthy, their cheeks and lips grow flush. Sometimes, we need a little help along the way, and makeup simulates your best self. Sure, it might sound old-fashioned to you younger readers, but I would never leave the house without wearing at least a little lipstick¹⁷ and mascara. It might just behoove¹⁸ you to do the same.

Buy quality products for your skin – what you invest in now will stave off (heaven forbid) excessive wrinkles in the future – spare no expense!

Wash your face every night. Daub a fine cream under your eyes before sleeping. Wear sunscreen every day. Tooth whitener is your friend.

Stay friends with your exes

They can prove to be some of the best friends you’ll have in this life. My ex-husband and I haven’t been married for over half a lifetime, but that doesn’t stop us from talking on the phone every day. He brings me milk and farm fresh vegetables to my front doorstep every week, a huge bouquet¹⁹ of roses every birthday, and chocolates when I ask for them.

Laugh all of the time

Get into fights with loved ones only when need be and when you do have to go to battle, really go all out and ream them into the ground. Ask for forgiveness when you’re done and offer the same in return. Then resume laughing.

Some misguided women say that they’ve ‘lost their power’ in their later years, when men stop fawning²⁰ all over them and looking after them with hunger and lust²¹

I say that’s bullshit. How is there power in having a man look at you?! I say that women who think this way never really had any power to speak of to begin with.

Take that, dear readers.

1 steers   

n.阉公牛，肉用公牛( steer的名词复数 )v.驾驶( steer的第三人称单数 )；操纵；控制；引导

参考例句：

• This car steers easily. 这部车子易于驾驶。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Good fodder fleshed the steers up. 优质饲料使菜牛长肉。 来自辞典例句

2 sage   

n.圣人，哲人；adj.贤明的，明智的

参考例句：

• I was grateful for the old man's sage advice.我很感激那位老人贤明的忠告。
• The sage is the instructor of a hundred ages.这位哲人是百代之师。

3 remains   

n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹

参考例句：

• He ate the remains of food hungrily.他狼吞虎咽地吃剩余的食物。
• The remains of the meal were fed to the dog.残羹剩饭喂狗了。

4 fabulous   

adj.极好的；极为巨大的；寓言中的，传说中的

参考例句：

• We had a fabulous time at the party.我们在晚会上玩得很痛快。
• This is a fabulous sum of money.这是一笔巨款。

5 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

6 culled   

v.挑选，剔除( cull的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The herd must be culled. 必须有选择地杀掉部分牧畜。 来自辞典例句
• The facts were culled from various sources. 这些事实是从各方收集到的。 来自辞典例句

7 kernel   

n.(果实的)核，仁；(问题)的中心，核心

参考例句：

• The kernel of his problem is lack of money.他的问题的核心是缺钱。
• The nutshell includes the kernel.果壳裹住果仁。

8 cocktails   

n.鸡尾酒( cocktail的名词复数 )；餐前开胃菜；混合物

参考例句：

• Come about 4 o'clock. We'll have cocktails and grill steaks. 请四点钟左右来，我们喝鸡尾酒，吃烤牛排。 来自辞典例句
• Cocktails were a nasty American habit. 喝鸡尾酒是讨厌的美国习惯。 来自辞典例句

9 seasonal   

adj.季节的，季节性的

参考例句：

• The town relies on the seasonal tourist industry for jobs.这个城镇依靠季节性旅游业提供就业机会。
• The hors d'oeuvre is seasonal vegetables.餐前小吃是应时蔬菜。

10 sanity   

n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确

参考例句：

• I doubt the sanity of such a plan.我怀疑这个计划是否明智。
• She managed to keep her sanity throughout the ordeal.在那场磨难中她始终保持神志正常。

11 regain   

vt.重新获得，收复，恢复

参考例句：

• He is making a bid to regain his World No.1 ranking.他正为重登世界排名第一位而努力。
• The government is desperate to regain credibility with the public.政府急于重新获取公众的信任。

12 fretted   

焦躁的，附有弦马的，腐蚀的

参考例句：

• The wind whistled through the twigs and fretted the occasional, dirty-looking crocuses. 寒风穿过枯枝，有时把发脏的藏红花吹刮跑了。 来自英汉文学
• The lady's fame for hitting the mark fretted him. 这位太太看问题深刻的名声在折磨着他。

13 obsessed   

adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的

参考例句：

• He's obsessed by computers. 他迷上了电脑。
• The fear of death obsessed him throughout his old life. 他晚年一直受着死亡恐惧的困扰。

14 gritted   

v.以沙砾覆盖（某物），撒沙砾于( grit的过去式和过去分词 )；咬紧牙关

参考例句：

• He gritted his teeth and plunged into the cold weather. 他咬咬牙，冲向寒冷的天气。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• The young policeman gritted his teeth and walked slowly towards the armed criminal. 年轻警官强忍住怒火，朝武装歹徒慢慢走过去。 来自《简明英汉词典》

15 psychology   

n.心理，心理学，心理状态

参考例句：

• She has a background in child psychology.她受过儿童心理学的教育。
• He studied philosophy and psychology at Cambridge.他在剑桥大学学习哲学和心理学。

16 makeup   

n.组织；性格；化装品

参考例句：

• Those who failed the exam take a makeup exam.这次考试不及格的人必须参加补考。
• Do you think her beauty could makeup for her stupidity?你认为她的美丽能弥补她的愚蠢吗？

17 lipstick   

n.口红，唇膏

参考例句：

• Taking out her lipstick,she began to paint her lips.她拿出口红，开始往嘴唇上抹。
• Lipstick and hair conditioner are cosmetics.口红和护发素都是化妆品。

18 behoove   

v.理应；有益于

参考例句：

• It would behoove you and your career to consider this among the most importanttimeless management laws.在职业生涯中你理应考虑到这一点。
• This can change a lot of things,so that the original fantastic become behoove.时间本就能改变很多东西，让原本的匪夷所思成为理所当然。

19 bouquet   

n.花束，酒香

参考例句：

• This wine has a rich bouquet.这种葡萄酒有浓郁的香气。
• Her wedding bouquet consisted of roses and ivy.她的婚礼花篮包括玫瑰和长春藤。

20 fawning   

adj.乞怜的，奉承的v.（尤指狗等）跳过来往人身上蹭以示亲热( fawn的现在分词 )；巴结；讨好

参考例句：

• The servant worn a fawning smile. 仆人的脸上露出一种谄笑。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Then, what submission, what cringing and fawning, what servility, what abject humiliation! 好一个低眉垂首、阿谀逢迎、胁肩谄笑、卑躬屈膝的场面！ 来自英汉文学 - 双城记

21 lust   

n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望

参考例句：

• He was filled with lust for power.他内心充满了对权力的渴望。
• Sensing the explorer's lust for gold, the chief wisely presented gold ornaments as gifts.酋长觉察出探险者们垂涎黄金的欲念，就聪明地把金饰品作为礼物赠送给他们。