儿子要成长，妈妈应放手

 　　A top parenting expert has warned mothers that being too possessive of their sons and not letting men be strong father figures can be detrimental¹ to their boys' upbringing.

　　一位高级育儿专家提醒各位母亲，对儿子的占有欲过强，父亲高大的形象难以树立，会对男孩成长造成不利影响。

　　The frank² advice comes from parenting expert No?l Janis-Norton in her new book Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys.

　　这一直白的建议来自育儿专家诺埃尔?詹尼斯?诺顿的新书《更冷静，更简单，更快乐的男孩》（Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys）。

　　According to the parenting and behavioural specialist and former teacher, fathers have much greater influence than mothers in shaping boys into well-adjusted young men - but too often mothers find it hard to back off and let dad take control.

　　据这位育儿行为专家所言，相较母亲这个角色而言，父亲在儿子成长为有教养的年轻人这段期间，对孩子有着更大的影响。但是更多的情况下，母亲很难放手，让其丈夫担任此责。

　　儿子要成长，妈妈应放手

　　'Without a strong father-figure, (which could also be a step-father or grandfather), boys may struggle to learn how to express their emotions constructively³, how to handle their physical strength and learn to respect others - and themselves,' Janis-Norton tells the MailOnline.

　　‘没有一个强壮的父亲形象，（也可以是继父或者祖父、外公），男孩可能很难学会如何有效地表达他们自己的情感，如何去控制他们的身体力量以及学习尊重他人和自己，’诺顿告诉《每日邮报》。

　　‘Mothers need to allow dads to be dads and to have their own relationship with their children - and in particular with their boys - without trying to micromanage,' she says.

　　“妈妈要让爸爸有机会成为一个好爸爸，让爸爸和他的孩子，特别是和儿子建立自己的一种关系，尽量避免管得太细。”她说。

　　The parenting expert, who has been credited⁴ by the likes of Helena Bonham-Carter turning her family life around, also warns mothers about being barking too many orders.

　　这位育儿专家还呼吁各位妈妈们不要管太多。这位育儿专家曾得到像海伦娜?伯翰?卡特这样的名人认可，她说她的家庭生活彻底得到了改变。

　　'A boy will lose respect for the mother who appears to bossing the father around – or criticising him,' she says.

　　‘如果妈妈总是对爸爸呼来喝去的，又或是经常责骂爸爸，男孩就会失去对妈妈的尊重。’她说。

　　So when Dad gets little Tommy dressed in the wrong clothes, feeds him the wrong breakfast and then starts a pillow fight should Mum just look on through gritted⁵ teeth?

　　所以当爸爸给小汤米穿错衣服，做坏早餐然后开始枕头大战的时候，难道妈妈还是要咬牙切齿一言不发吗？

　　'Yes - absolutely she should!' says Janis-Norton. 'And the gritted teeth part comes because mums assume⁶ they know best - but actually none of us is perfect. We’ve got weaknesses too.

　　“是的，她当然要这样！”诺顿说。妈妈会对上述行为咬牙切齿是因为她们觉得自己知道怎么做是最好的，但是实际上人无完人。我们每个人都有缺点。

　　'We’re not doing it right all the time. So really we shouldn’t be judging the dads!'

　　“人总会犯错。所以我们真的不要质疑爸爸的判断！”

　　Despite the title of her book, the Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys author, is at pains to point out that keeping calm is not always the goal. In fact, she actively⁷ encourages play-fighting for boys

　　虽然这本书名叫《更冷静，更简单，更快乐的男孩》，不过，该书作者煞费苦心地指出遇事冷静并非其目的。事实上，她很积极地鼓励男孩儿打打闹闹。

　　'Mums generally don’t have an interest in play fighting and they worry someone's going to get hurt, or feelings will get hurt, or clothes will get ripped⁸ or something will get damaged.

　　‘妈妈通常都对那些打打闹闹没多大兴趣。他们要么担心孩子们身心受伤，要么担心衣服被撕烂又或者东西被摔坏。’

　　'But none of that is as important as boys getting their energy out and through play fighting they learn a lot about how to fight fair.

　　‘但是任何事都比不上让男孩子们释放他们的精力重要。在打打闹闹的过程中，他们可以从中学习到如何公平决斗。’

　　'They learn how to control themselves, they learn how not to be too rough - and they also learn how to make amends⁹ if it does go too far.'

　　‘他们学会如何去控制自己，如何去把握尺寸，当做错事后，也知道如何去弥补。’

　　'Dads can teach boys all of that,' she says but does advise that play fighting that is likely to become manic or annoy others in the house is best taken outside.

　　‘爸爸们可以教男孩们所有这些本领，’但是她也建议，在家里打闹容易使人变得狂躁并影响别人，所以建议最好选择在户外进行。

　　Vocabulary

　　back off：后退，让开

　　boss around：发号施令

　　play figh：打闹

　　grit：咬紧牙关

1 detrimental   

adj.损害的，造成伤害的

参考例句：

• We know that heat treatment is detrimental to milk.我们知道加热对牛奶是不利的。
• He wouldn't accept that smoking was detrimental to health.他不相信吸烟有害健康。

2 frank   

adj.坦白的，直率的，真诚的

参考例句：

• A frank discussion can help to clear the air.坦率的谈论有助于消除隔阂。
• She is frank and outgoing.她很爽朗。

3 constructively   

ad.有益的，积极的

参考例句：

• Collecting, by occupying spare time so constructively, makes a person contented, with no time for boredom. 如此富有意义地利用业余时间来进行收藏，会使人怡然自得，无暇烦恼。
• The HKSAR will continue to participate constructively in these activities. 香港会继续积极参与这些活动。

4 credited   

v.记入贷方；信用

参考例句：

• Cook is credited with discovering Hawaii. 人们把发现夏威夷的功劳归于库克。
• The cheetah is generally credited as the world's fastest animal. 猎豹被公认是世界上跑得最快的动物。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 gritted   

v.以沙砾覆盖（某物），撒沙砾于( grit的过去式和过去分词 )；咬紧牙关

参考例句：

• He gritted his teeth and plunged into the cold weather. 他咬咬牙，冲向寒冷的天气。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• The young policeman gritted his teeth and walked slowly towards the armed criminal. 年轻警官强忍住怒火，朝武装歹徒慢慢走过去。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 assume   

vt.假装；假定，设想；承担；呈现，采取

参考例句：

• I assume that he won't cheat you.想来他是不会骗你的。
• We can't assume anything in this case.在这种情况下我们不可能做出假设。

7 actively   

adv.积极地，勤奋地

参考例句：

• During this period all the students were actively participating.在这节课中所有的学生都积极参加。
• We are actively intervening to settle a quarrel.我们正在积极调解争执。

8 ripped   

adj. <美俚>喝醉的，受毒品麻醉的 动词rip的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• He had ripped up the carpet, leaving only the bare boards. 他用力扯去了地毯，只剩下裸露的地板。
• I ripped my jeans on the fence. 我的牛仔裤在栅栏上划破了。

9 amends   

n. 赔偿

参考例句：

• He made amends for his rudeness by giving her some flowers. 他送给她一些花，为他自己的鲁莽赔罪。
• This country refuses stubbornly to make amends for its past war crimes. 该国顽固地拒绝为其过去的战争罪行赔罪。