律师教你如何在与伴侣吵架中占上风

 　　A pile of dirty dishes, leaving the toilet seat up and coming home drunk from the pub are just some of the scenarios¹ that can spark blazing rows up and down the country.

　　一堆脏盘子，马桶坐便圈没放下，从酒吧喝得烂醉回家，这些事都可能让你俩吵得天翻地覆、一塌糊涂。

　　In order to help couples squabble more successfully, leading lawyer Jonathan Herring has penned a book called How To Argue.

　　业内顶尖律师乔纳森·赫林（Jonathan Herring）写了一部名为《如何讲理》，帮助情侣如何在和另一半争吵时占上风。

　　In his entertaining, no-holds-barred guide, the Oxford-based professor reveals everything Brits need to know about bickering³ and tips on how to emerge triumphant⁴.

　　在他的书中，这位牛津大学教授毫无保留地传授了所有英国人吵嘴需要知道的事以及如何获胜的诀窍。

　　Before bumping heads with a loved one, Jonathan says it's vital to fully² think through what it is you want to say.

　　乔纳森说，在和爱人争吵前，想清楚你想谈的问题是什么至关重要。

　　'Make sure you know the essential points you want to make,' he said. 'Before starting an argument think carefully about what it is you are arguing about and what it is you want. This may sound obvious. But it's critically important. '

　　“你一定要清楚自己想说的关键问题。开始吵架前，仔细考虑好你在吵什么，你想要的是什么。这也许听起来是显而易见的事，但其实这极为重要。”

　　After considering the strengths and weaknesses of your points, Jonathan says the timing⁵ and location of your quarrel is crucial.

　　乔纳森说，考虑好自己观点的优势和劣势后，吵架的时间和地点也十分重要。

　　'Think carefully before you start to argue: is this the time; is this the place?' he said.

　　“想吵架前，仔细想想，是对的时间吗？对的地点吗？”

　　Many people lose arguments because they get caught up in the heat of the moment and don't fully listen to what it is the other person is saying.

　　很多人在争吵中败下阵来是因为当时被怒火冲昏了头脑，根本没好好听另一半说了些什么。

　　To be victorious⁶ in a feud⁷, Jonathan says you should let the other person do most of the talking.

　　乔纳森说，想要在吵架中获胜，你得让对方畅所欲言。

　　'It sounds silly, but you should aim to listen for 75 per cent of the argument and only speak for 25 per cent of it,' he said. 'If you listen intently you'll be able to beat their line of argument more easily.'

　　“这听起来很傻，但你要做到用75%的时间听对方说，仅用25%的时间表达自己的砍伐。如果你听得很认真，就能更轻松的辩驳对方的论点。”

　　While being prepared and listening is key, he says that you should always have a 'get out' plan.

　　虽然充分准备和认真听都十分重要，乔纳森说，你还得准备个“停止争吵”的计划。

　　To stop the row 'ending in a deadlock⁸' having a 'preformed solution' can put an end to any uncomfortable arguments and help you to get what you want.

　　为防止让争吵陷入僵局，最好事先准备一个很好的解决方案，这样可以结束任何不愉快的争吵，还能帮助你获得你想要的结果。

　　Jonathan's final tip is to try and stay friends with your partner despite the conflict.

　　乔纳森给出的最后一条建议是，尽管与另一半发生了冲突，但仍要保持你们间的友谊。

　　'You've got to ask yourself what the end game is when you're arguing with your partner,' he said. 'If you want to embarrass or humiliate⁹ them then it's eventually going to be bad for your relationship.

　　“问问自己和另一半争吵之后想要什么结果。如果你想羞辱或让对方感到尴尬，最终这将对你们之间的关系有害。”

　　'Make sure there's a way you can make up, a sort of escape plan, so it doesn't linger longer than it needs to.'

　　“你要确保有方法可以弥补两个人的关系，那种‘逃跑方案’，让这一页快点翻过去。”

1 scenarios   

n.[意]情节；剧本；事态；脚本

参考例句：

• Further, graphite cores may be safer than non-graphite cores under some accident scenarios. 再者，根据一些事故解说，石墨堆芯可比非石墨堆芯更安全一些。 来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法
• Again, scenarios should make it clear which modes are acceptable to users in various contexts. 同样，我们可以运用场景剧本来搞清楚在不同情境下哪些模式可被用户接受。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓

2 fully   

adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地

参考例句：

• The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气，然后全部呼出。
• They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。

3 bickering   

v.争吵( bicker的现在分词 )；口角；（水等）作潺潺声；闪烁

参考例句：

• The children are always bickering about something or other. 孩子们有事没事总是在争吵。
• The two children were always bickering with each other over small matters. 这两个孩子总是为些小事斗嘴。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

4 triumphant   

adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的

参考例句：

• The army made a triumphant entry into the enemy's capital.部队胜利地进入了敌方首都。
• There was a positively triumphant note in her voice.她的声音里带有一种极为得意的语气。

5 timing   

n.时间安排，时间选择

参考例句：

• The timing of the meeting is not convenient.会议的时间安排不合适。
• The timing of our statement is very opportune.我们发表声明选择的时机很恰当。

6 victorious   

adj.胜利的，得胜的

参考例句：

• We are certain to be victorious.我们定会胜利。
• The victorious army returned in triumph.获胜的部队凯旋而归。

7 feud   

n.长期不和；世仇；v.长期争斗；世代结仇

参考例句：

• How did he start his feud with his neighbor?他是怎样和邻居开始争吵起来的？
• The two tribes were long at feud with each other.这两个部族长期不和。

8 deadlock   

n.僵局，僵持

参考例句：

• The negotiations reached a deadlock after two hours.两小时后，谈判陷入了僵局。
• The employers and strikers are at a deadlock over the wage.雇主和罢工者在工资问题上相持不下。

9 humiliate   

v.使羞辱，使丢脸[同]disgrace

参考例句：

• What right had they to bully and humiliate people like this?凭什么把人欺侮到这个地步呢？
• They pay me empty compliments which only humiliate me.他们虚情假意地恭维我，这只能使我感到羞辱。