优秀托福作文的三个标准

 　　优秀托福作文的三个标准

　　想要写出优秀的托福[微博]作文应该如何做呢？在开始托福作文备考之前，不妨先看看优秀托福作文的三个标准，做到心中有数，才能知道备考方向。

　　1.统一性

　　一个段落内的各个句子必须从属于一个中心，任何游离于中心思想之外的句子都是不可取的。请看下例：

　　Joe and I decided¹ to take the long trip we‘d always wanted across the country. We were like young kids buying our camper and stocking it with all the necessities of life. Bella bakes the best rhubarb pie. We started out in early spring from Minneapolis and headed west across the northern part of the country. We both enjoyed those people we met at the trailer park. Joe received a watch at his retirement² dinner. To our surprise, we found that we liked the warm southern regions very much, and so we decided to stay here in New Mexico。

　　本段的主题句是段首句，controlling idea(中心思想)是take the long trip across the country。文中出现两个irrelevant³ sentences，一个是Bella bakes the best rhubarb pie，这一段是讲的是Joe and I ，中间出现一个Bella是不合适的。

　　还有，Joe received a watch at his retirement dinner这一句更是与主题句不相关。考生在四级统考的作文卷上常常因为造出irrelevant sentences(不相关语句)而丢分，值得引起注意。再看一个例子：

　　My name is Roseanna, and I like to keep physically⁴ fit. I used to weigh two hundred pounds, but I joined the YMCA for an exercise class and diet program. In one year I lost eighty pounds. I feel much better and never want to have that much weight on my five-feet frame again. I bought two new suitcases last week. Everyday I practice jogging three miles, swimming fifteen laps, lifting twenty-pound weights and playing tennis for one hour. My mother was a premature⁵ baby。

　　本段的controlling idea 是like to deep physically fit，但段中有两个irrelevant sentences，一个是I bought two new suitcases last week，另一个是My mother was a premature baby。

　　从上面两个例子可以看出，native speakers同样会造出来irrelevant sentences。卷面上如果这种句子多了，造成偏题或离题，那问题就更严重了。

　　2.完整性

　　正象我们前面说得那样，一个段落的主题思想靠推展句来实现，如果只有主题句而没有推展句来进一步交待和充实，就不能构成一个完整的段落。同样，虽然有推展句，但主题思想没有得到相对圆满的交待，给读者一种意犹未尽的感觉。这样的段落也不能完成其交际功能。例如：

　　Physical work can be a useful form of therapy for a mind in turmoil⁶. Work concentrates your thoughts on a concrete task. Besides, it is more useful to workyou produce something rather than more anxiety or depression。

　　本段的主题句是段首句。本段的两个推展句均不能回答主题句中提出的问题。什么是 "a mind in turmoil"(心境不平静)Physical work又如何能改变这种情况？为什么它能起therapy的作用？读者得不到明确的答案。

　　由于四级统考的作文部分只要求写一篇100～120个词的三段式短文，每一段只有大约40个词左右，因此，要达到完整就必须尽可能地简明。例如：

　　It is not always true that a good picture is worth a thousand words. Often writing is much clearer than a picture. It is sometimes difficult to figure out what a picture means, but a careful writer can almost always explain it。

　　段首句所表达的主题思想是一种看法，必须有具体事例加以验证。上述两个推展句只是在文字上对主题作些解释，整个段落内容空洞，简而不明。如果用一两个具体的例子的话，就可以把主题解释清楚了。比如下段：

　　It is not always true that a picture is worth a thousand words. Sometimes, pictures are pretty useless things. If you can‘t swim and fall in the river and start gulping⁷ water, will you be better off to hold up a picture of yourself drowning, or start screaming "Help"?

　　3.连贯性(coherence)

　　连贯性包括意连和形连两个方面，前者指的是内在的逻辑性，后者指的是使用转换词语。当然这两者常常是不可分割的。只有形连而没有意连，句子之间就没有内在的有机的联系；反之，只有意连而没有形连，有时行文就不够流畅。

　　1) 意连

　　段落中句子的排列应遵循一定的次序，不能想到什么就写什么。如果在下笔之前没有构思，边写边想，写写停停，那就写不出一气呵成的好文章来。下面介绍几种常见的排列方式。

　　A。按时间先后排列(chronological arrangement)

　　We had a number of close calls that day. When we rose, it was obviously late and we had to hurry so as not to miss breakfast; we knew the dining room staff was strict about closing at nine o‘clock. Then, when we had been driving in the desert for nearly two hours - it must have been close to noonthe heat nearly hid us in; the radiator⁸ boiled over and we had to use most of our drinking water to cool it down. By the time we reached the mountain, it was four o‘clock and we were exhausted⁹. Here, judgement ran out of us and we started the tough climb to the summit, not realizing that darkness came suddenly in the desert. Sure enough, by six we were struggling and Andrew very nearly went down a steep cliff, dragging Mohammed and me along with him. By nine, when the wind howled across the flat ledge¹⁰ of the summit, we knew as we shivered together for warmth that it had not been our lucky day。

　　本段从 "rose"(起床)写起，然后是吃早餐("not to miss breakfast", "closing at nine o‘clock")，然后是 "close to noon"，一直写到这一天结束("By nine")。

　　B. 按位置远近排列(spatial arrangement)。例如：

　　From a distance, it looked like a skinny tube, but as we got closer, we could see it flesh out before our eyes. It was tubular, all right, but fatter than we could see from far away. Furthermore, we were also astonished to notice that the building was really in two parts: a pagoda¹¹ sitting on top of a tubular one-story structure. Standing¹² ten feet away, we could marvel¹³ at how much of the pagoda was made up of glass windows. Almost everything under the wonderful Chinese roof was made of glass, unlike the tube that it was sitting on, which only had four. Inside, the tube was gloomy, because of the lack of light. Then a steep, narrow staircase took us up inside the pagoda and the light changed dramatically. All those windows let in a flood of sunshine and we could see out for miles across the flat land。

　　本段的写法是由远及近，从远处("from a distance")写起，然后"get closer"，再到("ten feet away")，最后是 "inside the pagoda"……当然，按位置远近来写不等于都是由远及近。根据需要，也可以由近及远，由表及里等等。

　　以上即为优秀托福作文的三个标准的详细解析，希望对大家备考托福作文有所帮助，预祝大家取得好成绩！

1 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

2 retirement   

n.退休，退职

参考例句：

• She wanted to enjoy her retirement without being beset by financial worries.她想享受退休生活而不必为金钱担忧。
• I have to put everything away for my retirement.我必须把一切都积蓄起来以便退休后用。

3 irrelevant   

adj.不恰当的，无关系的，不相干的

参考例句：

• That is completely irrelevant to the subject under discussion.这跟讨论的主题完全不相关。
• A question about arithmetic is irrelevant in a music lesson.在音乐课上，一个数学的问题是风马牛不相及的。

4 physically   

adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律

参考例句：

• He was out of sorts physically,as well as disordered mentally.他浑身不舒服，心绪也很乱。
• Every time I think about it I feel physically sick.一想起那件事我就感到极恶心。

5 premature   

adj.比预期时间早的；不成熟的，仓促的

参考例句：

• It is yet premature to predict the possible outcome of the dialogue.预言这次对话可能有什么结果为时尚早。
• The premature baby is doing well.那个早产的婴儿很健康。

6 turmoil   

n.骚乱，混乱，动乱

参考例句：

• His mind was in such a turmoil that he couldn't get to sleep.内心的纷扰使他无法入睡。
• The robbery put the village in a turmoil.抢劫使全村陷入混乱。

7 gulping   

v.狼吞虎咽地吃，吞咽( gulp的现在分词 )；大口地吸（气）；哽住

参考例句：

• She crawled onto the river bank and lay there gulping in air. 她爬上河岸，躺在那里喘着粗气。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• And you'll even feel excited gulping down a glass. 你甚至可以感觉到激动下一杯。 来自互联网

8 radiator   

n.暖气片，散热器

参考例句：

• The two ends of the pipeline are connected with the radiator.管道的两端与暖气片相连接。
• Top up the radiator before making a long journey.在长途旅行前加满散热器。

9 exhausted   

adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。

10 ledge   

n.壁架，架状突出物；岩架，岩礁

参考例句：

• They paid out the line to lower him to the ledge.他们放出绳子使他降到那块岩石的突出部分。
• Suddenly he struck his toe on a rocky ledge and fell.突然他的脚趾绊在一块突出的岩石上，摔倒了。

11 pagoda   

n.宝塔（尤指印度和远东的多层宝塔），（印度教或佛教的）塔式庙宇

参考例句：

• The ancient pagoda is undergoing repairs.那座古塔正在修缮中。
• The pagoda is reflected upside down in the water.宝塔影子倒立在水里。

12 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

13 marvel   

vi.(at)惊叹vt.感到惊异；n.令人惊异的事

参考例句：

• The robot is a marvel of modern engineering.机器人是现代工程技术的奇迹。
• The operation was a marvel of medical skill.这次手术是医术上的一个奇迹。