[00:12.89]The Decision
[00:14.21]Dr. Sam said to me:
[00:17.05]“I don't know how to
[00:18.48]say this, except to come
[00:19.79]right out with it, Miriam.
[00:21.21]The tests we did last week
[00:22.96]show that there are abnormalities
[00:24.28]with the fetus. I recommend
[00:26.36]you consider an abortion.”
[00:27.99]I sat, hands folded together in
[00:30.84]my lap, numbed by his words.
[00:32.92]The world around me disappeared
[00:34.88]as I strove to absorb
[00:36.20]the dreadful news Dr. Sam
[00:37.62]was giving me. His voice
[00:39.70]came to me as if spoken
[00:41.23]in a tunnel, hollow and echoing.
[00:44.29]Could this be true? The baby
[00:46.37]inside me, the miracle created
[00:48.67]by love, wasn't perfect!
[00:50.42]“Your baby has a condition
[00:52.61]known as Down's Syndrome. The problems
[00:55.12]you will face if you don't
[00:57.09]terminate this pregnancy could be
[00:58.63]overwhelming, especially now that
[01:01.04]Paul is no longer with you.”
[01:03.01]Here I was, thirty nine
[01:05.52]years old, pregnant for the first time,
[01:08.14]and my doctor, my trusted friend,
[01:10.56]was telling me I should kill
[01:12.96]this innocent life in my womb.
[01:14.38]I knew I had to respond
[01:16.46]but words escaped me. Finally,
[01:18.21]I was able to speak. “I need
[01:20.95]some time to consider my options.
[01:22.80]With all that has happened
[01:24.55]in the past month and a half,
[01:25.76]I don't want to do anything
[01:26.96]without knowing all I can about this.”
[01:29.48]“You don't have long, Miriam.
[01:31.67]You are eleven weeks along
[01:33.31]and it's dangerous to perform
[01:34.73]an abortion after twelve weeks,
[01:36.15]try not to prolong your decision.”
[01:39.00]“It's too much for me to
[01:41.07]get my head around right now.
[01:42.61]I need to think. I promise
[01:44.47]I?ll get back to you
[01:45.78]in a day or so.” I left
[01:47.42]the office in a daze.
[01:48.95]What was I going to do?
[01:50.05]Where would I begin? Who,
[01:51.80] besides Dr. Sam, would be able
[01:54.42]to advise me? My parents were
[01:56.83]on the other side of the world,
[01:58.47]teaching in China. I felt that
[02:01.31]if I could talk to Mom,
[02:02.74]held in her comforting arms,
[02:04.60]she would give me some
[02:05.58]of her wisdom. If I could
[02:07.66]be face-to-face with Dad, he would
[02:09.96]give me strength. They were
[02:11.82]all I had left in my world.
[02:13.35] My husband, Paul, had been killed
[02:16.31]in a traffic accident six weeks ago.
[02:18.93]Mom and Dad had gone back to
[02:20.57]China a week after the funeral,
[02:22.32]when they thought I was
[02:23.52]able to cope with my loss.
[02:24.95]There was nowhere to turn.
[02:26.70]I had to face reality.
[02:29.11]This was a decision
[02:30.63]I would make on my own.
[02:32.28]I needed to gather all the information
[02:35.01]I could about Down's syndrome.
[02:36.54]I wasted no time. I went to
[02:39.28]the library to begin my research.
[02:40.92]The steps to the future
[02:42.78]were in my hands.
[02:43.98]The first medical journal I chose
[02:46.50]explained the causes of Down's syndrome.
[02:49.45]Normally, each egg and sperm cell
[02:52.30]contains 23 chromosomes, and,
[02:54.92]when they unite, 23 pairs
[02:58.21]or 46 in total. Occasionally,
[03:01.16]an accident occurs when the egg
[03:03.90]or sperm cell is forming,
[03:05.65]creating an extra chromosome number 21.
[03:08.38]This extra chromosome results in
[03:11.88]the features of Down's syndrome.
[03:13.85]In the past, this disorder was
[03:16.37]called “Mongolism” because of
[03:18.12]the facial characteristics including
[03:20.09]slanted eyes and a small, flattened
[03:21.95]nasal bridge. It is a common
[03:24.68]genetic birth defect affecting about
[03:27.09]one in 800 to 1000 births when
[03:29.93]the mother is 30 years of age.
[03:32.01]The odds of my having a Down syndrome
[03:34.64]increased to one in 100 because
[03:36.72]I was in my fortieth year.
[03:39.24]There is no cure for this disorder.
[03:41.86]Neither is there any prevention.
[03:44.05]My child would be developmentally and
[03:46.35]physically retarded to a greater
[03:48.29]or lesser degree. She could have
[03:51.13]numerous health problems. It was unlikely
[03:53.54]she would ever marry and
[03:55.07]her having children was out
[03:56.49]of the question. Her life expectancy
[03:58.24]could be as little as 55 years.
[04:01.08]Paul and I had been married
[04:03.71]for ten years and had always
[04:05.24]regretted the fact that I had
[04:06.88]been unable to conceive. After
[04:09.18]he died, I attributed my nausea, vomiting
[04:12.68]and lethargy to my grief, never
[04:15.09]suspecting that I might be pregnant.
[04:17.27]Poor Paul would never know that
[04:19.79]we would have a child together.
[04:21.43]This thought alone was what
[04:23.73]made me realize that I wouldn't
[04:25.48]be able to have an abortion,
[04:26.69]no matter what obstacles
[04:27.89]might be ahead of us.
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