Long Conversations
1.Conversations: (Find a partner and practice these dialogues.)
Helen: I'm a 45-year-old self-employed computer programmer. I work at home and have my professional and personal lives well-coordinated . I work a certain number of hours per day, exercise, take Tai Chi classes twice a week, go out with friends when I feel like it and spend quiet time reading for business and pleasure at least every other day.
Interviewer: You are your own boss. Are you happy in your life?
Helen: You know, I'm my own boss and I have great relationships with my longtime clients, there's little to upset my full and happy life until...
Interviewer: What happened?
Helen: Weeks ago, my daughter Sarah got out of4 college and decided to take her first job at a company in my hometown. I wanted to help Sarah get on her feet and save money right off the bat.
Interviewer: How did you help her?
Helen: I had her come home to live.
Interviewer: That was a good idea, wasn't it?
Helen: I never knew until then how much I had gotten used to Sarah not being in my life all the time.
Interviewer: But I think you really love her.
Helen: You bet. She and I have always been close, but especially after I'd divorced her father when she was 12. We always spent a lot of time together---much more than most of her friends did with their mothers. Sarah and I have always been more like friends than mother and daughter. Then, when she went to college, I suddenly found myself alone, with only myself to tend to.
Interviewer: It is like all the weights are taken off . Everything is beautiful...
Helen: You got it. As time went by, I saw that I had plenty of needs that I'd pushed aside when Sarah was there. It's nothing unusual---parents do that sort of thing. They sacrifice time, money, personal space and so on for their kids. Well, I knew I didn't have to do that anymore.
Interviewer: Now you can begin taking care of yourself.
Helen: Uh-huh. I could do things for myself for no other reason than I wanted to.
Interviewer: It was an interesting revelation that I'm sure most parents have when their kids leave home.
Helen: And I relished it! I jumped right in! I took leisurely, healthful walks after dinner almost every evening. I went to movies, the opera, art museums and community plays. Sometimes I felt like doing nothing except put a favorite CD in the player, turn up the volume and give myself a soak in the bathtub, singing out loud the whole time.
Interviewer: You felt wonderful with your newfound "freedom."
Helen: Yes. I felt like liquid---I'd expanded to fit the container that held me. My house used to be mine and Sarah's---now it was just mine! Even though Sarah's room was still there for her just as she'd left it for her visits home from school, I took over the rest of the house for myself. I became territorial.
Interviewer: For four years, you lived your happy life.
Helen: I met a man I enjoyed spending time with and we dated steadily. I became so efficient at my job that I only spent four to five hours per day.
Interviewer: What did you do with your extra time?
Helen: With my extra time, I did things I enjoyed doing, such as horseback riding, antique shopping, bike riding, or playing tennis. I really thought I'd be sad when Sarah left, and I was at first, but I did get over it. So much so that when she came back home-I hate to say this---but I couldn't stand her being here!
Interviewer: Did you talk her into getting a job in your hometown?
Helen: No. It was the last thing I had expected.
Interviewer: Did Sarah ever discuss her future with you?
Helen: Before college graduation, Sarah discussed her many job offers with me and we both talked excitedly about the big companies across the country that offered Sarah good jobs with great salaries.
Interviewer: What made her change her mind?
Helen: To be honest, Sarah is like a kid in a candy store, unable to make decisions on her own. Maybe she wasn't quite ready to cut the apron strings and make that permanent move away from me. Maybe she got just a bit scared at the prospect of really being on her own. Whatever the reason was---she never did verbalize it fully--- she had decided to stay home and, of course, that didn't mean just our hometown. She wanted to live here in the house again so she could save some money in order to get her own place. Of course I told her she could---this is her home, too, even though I felt in the back of my mind as if she was barging in on me. And oh, did I ever feel guilty for having thoughts like that! |