Thirty-five Sunday Drive
[00:04.41]Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers,
[00:10.58]a state police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
[00:18.83]He things to himself,"This drivers is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
[00:25.68]So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
[00:24.68]Approaching the car,he notices that there are five old ladies
[00:31.24]-two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed and white as ghosts.
[00:39.99]The driver,obviously confused,says to him,
[00:45.86]"Officer,I don't understand;I was doing exactly the speed limit!
[00:53.91]What seems to be the problem?""Ma'am,"the officer replies,
[01:00.96]"you weren't speeding,but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit
[01:08.41]can also be a danger to other drivers."
[01:13.06]"Slower than the speed limit?No sir,I was doing the speed limit exactly..
[01:21.42]Twenty-two miles an hour!"the old woman says a big proudly.
[01:28.18]The state police officer,trying to contain a chuckle,
[01:34.74]explains to her that"22"was the route number,not the speed limit.
[01:43.41]A bit embarrassed,the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.
[01:51.14]"But before I let you go,ma'am,I have to ask..Is everyone in this car Ok?
[01:59.58]These woman seem awfully shaken and they haven't said a single word this whole time,"
[02:08.04]the officer asks with concern.
[02:12.77]"Oh,they'll be all right in a minute,officer.We just got off Route 119."
[02:20.32](In other words,the car had been going at 119 miles per hour.)
[02:26.80]Thirty-six A Smuggler
[02:30.75]A suspicious-looking man drove up to the border between Canada and the United States,
[02:38.82]where he was greeted by a guard.When the guard looked in the trunk,
[02:44.98]he was surprised to find six sacks buliging at the seams.
[02:51.15]"What's in here?"He asked."Dirt,"the driver replied.
[02:57.70]"Take them out,"the guard instructed.
[03:02.85]"I want to check them."Obliging,the man removed the bags,
[03:07.81]and,there was nothing but cabbage.Reluctantly,the guard let him go.
[03:15.26]A week later the man came back,and,once a again,the guard looked in the truck.
[03:22.62]"What's in the bags this time?"he asked."Vegetables,"said the man.
[03:29.49]Not believing him,the guard checked the sacks and he found nothing but carrots.
[03:36.76]The same thing happened every day for six months
[03:41.41]-there was nothing but vegetables in the trunk,
[03:45.56]and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender.
[03:53.32]Then,one night,the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink.
[04:00.89]Hurrying over to him,the former guard said,
[04:05.62]"Listen,pal,drink are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor.
[04:12.39]Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."Grinning broadly,
[04:19.65]the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered,"Cars."
[04:26.49]Thirty-seven A Brain Transplant
[04:31.67]In the hospital,the relatives gathered in the waiting room,
[04:37.52]where Mr.Brown lay gravely ill.
[04:42.38]Finally,the door came in,looking tired and somber.
[04:49.22]"I'm afraid I have bad news."He said as he surveyed the worried faces.
[04:56.06]"The only hope left for Mr.Brown at this time is a brain transplant.
[05:03.43]It's an experimental procedure,semi-risky,
[05:09.10]and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
[05:14.25]The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news.
[05:21.40]Finally,someone asked,"Well,how much does a brain cost?"
[05:28.56]The doctor quickly responded."$2,000 for a female brain,and $5,000 for a male brain."
[05:39.01]The moment turned awkward.Men in the room tried not to smile,
[05:48.15]avoiding eye contact with the women,but some actually smirked.
[05:55.70]Mr.Brown's youngest daughter,unable to control her curiosity,
[06:03.56]blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,"Why is the male brain so much more?"
[06:12.71]The doctor smiled at her childish innocence and then to the entire group said,
[06:20.07]"It's a standard pricing procedure.
[06:24.33]We have to mark the female brains down,because they're used."
[06:31.88](Here the word used has double meaning:1.secondhand as in "a used car";
[06:39.35]2.be put in action or service as in "use your brain to think." |