The English and the Americans（在线收听）

    The contrasting English and American patterns have some remarkable implications, particularly if we assume that man, like other animals, has a built-in need to shut himself off from others from time to time. An English student in one of my seminars typified what happens when hidden patterns clash. He was quite obviously experiencing strain in his relationships with Americans. Nothing seemed to go right and it was quite clear from his remarks that we did not know how to behave. An analysis of his complaints showed that a major source of irritation was that no American seemed to be able to pick up the subtle clues that there were times when he didn’t want his thoughts intruded on. As he started it, “I’m walking around the apartment and it seems that whenever I want to be alone my roommate starts talking to me. Pretty soon he’s asking ‘What’s the matter?’ and wants to know if I’m angry. By then I am angry and say something.”
    It took some time but finally we were able to identify most of the contrasting features of the American and Britain problems that were in conflict in this case. When the American wants to be alone he goes into a room and shuts the door---he depends on architectural features for screening. For an American to refuse to talk to someone else present in the same room, to give them the “silent treatment,” is the ultimate form of rejection and a sure sign of great displeasure. The English, on the other hand, lacking rooms of their own since childhood, never developed the practice of using space as a refuge from others. They have in effect internalized a set of barriers, which they erect and which others are supposed to recognize. Therefore, the more the Englishman shuts himself off when he is with an American the more likely the American is to break in to assure himself that all is well. Tension lasts until the two get to know each other. The important point is that the spatial and architectural needs of each are not the same at all.