[00:01.00]Lesson 17;
[00:00.87]Read;
[00:01.61]4.A group date differs from a traditional date in several ways.;
[00:06.84]First,there are no special relationships in the group.;
[00:12.12]No particular girl and boy are together all the time.;
[00:18.18]Second,the group date may occur on a weekend,;
[00:23.07]but it may not be planned in advance.;
[00:27.37]A group of young people may decide on Saturday afternoon;
[00:32.65]that they want to spend Saturday evening together.;
[00:36.56]They may all decide to go to a movie,or to some other event.;
[00:42.81]On a group date,no one is paired with anyone else.;
[00:48.29]As a result,every person pays for his or her own expenses.;
[00:55.91]This means that the girls must pay for themselves.;
[01:01.59]They must pay their own admission for the movies,for a cup of coffee,;
[01:07.65]or for anything else that costs money during the date.;
[01:12.73]Many young people find the group date to he a great deal of fun.;
[01:18.99]The young men on a group date are under no pressure.;
[01:24.27]They do not have to be with any particular girl during the evening.;
[01:30.33]They do not have to pay for anyone but themselves.;
[01:34.83]They do not have to be especially polite or formal during the date.;
[01:40.30]Everyone can relax and have a good time.;
[01:45.58]Group dates may lead to serious relationships;
[01:49.88]for some members of the group.;
[01:52.23]Maybe a girl and boy on a group date find that they have a lot in common;
[01:59.14]and enjoy being together.;
[02:02.00]They may spend more time together,with the group,and with each other.;
[02:08.26]But usually,everyone on a group date is just interested in a good time.;
[02:15.50]No one worries about a serious relationship.;
[02:20.58]The group date may be good for very young people.;
[02:25.86]They may not know what kind of person they like.;
[02:30.16]They may like to spend their time with many different people.;
[02:35.44]But it also does not give young people a chance to have a serious relationship;
[02:42.48]A serious relationship can help a young person in many ways.;
[02:49.13]A person may learn what is good and what is bad about a serious relationship;
[02:56.56]Usually,in dating,;
[02:59.49]young people find out what kind of person they would like to marry.;
[03:04.96]If a young person always goes on group dates,there is no chance to find out.;
[03:12.39]As we can see,group dates have their good points and their drawbacks.;
[03:19.63]The group date is very different from the traditional date don't you think?;
[03:26.28]Young people in the United States today;
[03:29.99]enjoy both of these types of relationships.;
[03:33.71]Traditional dating relationships give young people a chance;
[03:38.92]to get to know one another quite well.;
[03:42.90]Group dates give young people;
[03:46.02]a chance to get to know many other young people;
[03:49.93]and to have a more relaxed evening.;
[03:53.26]Both kinds of dates have their good points.;
[03:57.56]The group date is a relatively new idea among young people.;
[04:03.03]It seems to be popular for the reasons described here.;
[04:08.71]5.Courtship Customs;
[04:14.38]Did you know that most British couples first meet at a dance?;
[04:21.02]that in some parts of Africa men pay for their wives with cows?;
[04:28.06]that in Germany you can advertise for a partner on television?;
[04:34.52]that in Britain girls can propose in Leap Year;
[04:39.99](1976,1980 and every fourth year following)?;
[04:46.64]that in the USA boys and girls start dating very young,as young as 12。;
[04:56.41]6.Marriage:East and West;
[05:03.84]"I believe,"said Dr.Samuel Johnson in the eighteenth century,;
[05:10.49]"that marriages would in general be as happy,;
[05:14.21]and often more so, if they were all made by the Lord Chancellor,;
[05:19.88]upon a due consideration of the characters and circumstances,;
[05:24.77]without the partners having any choice in the matter.";
[05:30.04]We are bound to acknowledge,;
[05:32.98]after a careful study of the methods of mate selection in the East and West,;
[05:39.24]that the great Dr.Johnson was probably perfectly right,;
[05:45.10]From one extreme to the other,;
[05:48.03]four patterns of mate selection may be distinguished.;
[05:52.34]1.Selection by the parents-- the young people themselves not consulted.;
[06:01.52]This is the traditional method employed in the East.;
[06:06.41]When the choice is carefully and wisely made,it is usually a good one.;
[06:13.84]But it is open to the grave errors caused by ignorance and exploitation.;
[06:20.88]2.Selection by the parents,but the young people consulted.;
[06:29.09]This is an improvement on the first method,;
[06:33.40]provided the young people are allowed to make the final decision.;
[06:38.28]In some communities, though they are formally consulted,;
[06:44.15]they are expected to accept the choice made for them,;
[06:48.26]and have no real freedom to express their minds.;
[06:52.95]3.Selection by the young people,but parental approval necessary.;
[07:01.36]This pattern exhibits at least two forms.;
[07:06.25]The strictest is the one in which no action may be taken by the young people;
[07:12.70]until they have been given parental permission to proceed.;
[07:17.78]A good example is the early American Quaker father in the eighteenth century,;
[07:25.02]who was approached by a neighbour's son John;
[07:28.34]asking his permission to court his daughter Sarah.;
[07:33.23]Unless John was approved by Sarah's father in the first place,;
[07:38.51]no further step could be taken.;
[07:42.22]But even if her father approved of John,;
[07:46.33]Sarah still had the right to refuse him.;
[07:50.63]The other variation is where Sarah could encourage John's attentions;
[07:56.89]without seeking her father's permission;;
[08:00.41]but if she and John became serious,;
[08:03.93]her father's appro -val was essential before marriage could take place.;
[08:09.79]If he used his veto, she had to give up John--or elope!;
[08:17.03]4.Selection by the young people-the parents not consulted.;
[08:24.85]This is the method which is becoming widespread in the West today.;
[08:30.91]The couple may be living away from home,;
[08:34.43]and unable to consult their parents.;
[08:37.95]But even when the parents are formally consulted,;
[08:42.44]all too often their agreement is a mere formality.;
[08:47.72]They know that,even if they raise objections,;
[08:52.02]the marriage is likely to take place anyway.;
[08:56.33]Which of these methods is most desirable?;
[09:01.02]We would reject the first.;
[09:04.54]Even if it is efficient,;
[09:07.67]we believe it denies to young people a freedom that should be theirs by right.;
[09:14.51]This is the position being widely adopted in the East today.;
[09:19.98]We would also reject the last.;
[09:24.29]Young people should not be dominated by their parents in this matter.;
[09:29.76]But neither should their parents be left entirely out of the picture.;
[09:35.63]The experience of parents can often correct and restrain the headstrong;
[09:41.88]and distorted choices of inexperienced youth.;
[09:46.58]The kind of freedom young people in the West today are demanding;
[09:51.92]is unreasonable, and undesirable in their own best interests.;
[09:58.31]The desirable ideal, we believe,;
[10:02.02]is a cooperative selection by young people and parents together.;
[10:07.30]This may not always be easily achieved.;
[10:11.41]But it is worth the effort that may be needed.;
[10:16.10]It creates unity in the family.;
[10:19.62]It balances out the intense feelings of youth;
[10:23.73]against the detached judgement of more mature experience.;
[10:28.81]It offers,we believe the best basis for successful marriages;
[10:35.07]--especially if backed by scientific knowledge accumulated;
[10:39.56]by study and research.;
[10:42.50]At the present time, the East is moving steadily towards the ideal of cooperation;
[10:49.93]between parents and young people.;
[10:53.06]But the West is moving further away from it,;
[10:56.97]as young people increasingly ignore their parents' opinions.;
[11:02.25]However,there is some compensation in the fact that the result of study;
[11:08.63]and research concerning the criteria of good mate selection;
[11:13.20]are being made available increasingly to Western youth.;
[11:18.67]7.Marry -- for What?;
[11:24.54]I'm afraid it is in the nature of an agony aunt's job;
[11:29.82]that she is more concerned with failures than with triumphs.;
[11:34.70]Nevertheless,these past years,;
[11:38.81]I've also noticed something of the pattern;
[11:41.74]that leads to success in married life.;
[11:45.85]I've seen,for instance,;
[11:48.59]that making a marriage work begins long before making a marriage.;
[11:55.04]It begins with a girl who thinks less about marriage;
[11:59.54]than girls have traditionally done,;
[12:02.27]and more about herself in relationship to work and to her community;
[12:09.12]The very first trick to a happy marriage;
[12:12.83]is to become a person of independence and pride;
[12:17.33]who does not imagine a husband is necessary;
[12:21.44]to make her magically complete.;
[12:24.37]Whenever I get a letter from a woman who says she "cannot live without";
[12:30.62]the man who is breaking her heart,;
[12:33.17]I am compelled to tell her that successful partnerships;
[12:38.25]are not between those who cannot live with out each other,;
[12:42.75]but between those who can live with each other.;
[12:46.66]There is no room even in daydreams for the stupid idea;
[12:52.33]that there is on earth only one mate intended for another.;
[12:58.00]To my surprise;
[13:00.15]I have found this antique misconception is still alive;
[13:04.65]and it creates a lazy superstition;
[13:07.97]that has caused more than one marriage to fail.;
[13:12.47]How can anyone who believes her union was "meant to be",;
[13:18.14]not equally believe it was "not meant to be" at the first sign of trouble?;
[13:24.39]Whether or not a marriage was "meant to be" is beside the point;;
[13:30.65]it is and therefore it requires patience and protection.;
[13:37.89]Passion is great outside marriage, but not so hot inside it.;
[13:44.34]So why do we marry? For love. Oh yes. Friendship?;
[13:50.99]Certainly. Children.;
[13:53.53]Why not?Money? Dodgy. Fun?;
[13:58.61]Never,For most young people--and a lot of older ones-;
[14:05.06]-marriage is the first adult commitment,;
[14:08.38]and if it is to succeed it must be undertaken in an adult way.;
[14:14.12]It isn't a bad idea for engaged couples;
[14:18.31]to write out the sort of contract;
[14:20.94]any other working partnership would demand,;
[14:24.36]specifying how many children they want to have and when,;
[14:29.11]where they will live how they will divide household duties,;
[14:34.70]which in-laws might become liabilities and what to do about them,;
[14:41.06]how much money will be coming in,as well as precisely how it will go out.;
[14:47.52]I don't pretend any couple would abide by such a contract,;
[14:53.31]but simply in drawing it up;
[14:56.15]they would find out a great deal about each other's;
[14:59.72]unromantic expectations,;
[15:02.15]for these not sex or fidelity or love--are the real marriage wreckers.;
[15:09.39]It is alarming, for instance,;
[15:12.23]how many women race into a lifelong contract with a man;
[15:16.78]whose income and earning power they do not know.;
[15:21.07]Do they still expect Daddy to find out for them?;
[15:25.78]Of course,there is only one way to treat any problem inside marriage,;
[15:32.19]sexual or otherwise, and it is the way to treat all the other problems:;
[15:38.18]talk to each other.;
[15:40.56]But how many times has a woman written to me -;
[15:44.44]-a complete stranger of a deep misery that she could not tell her husband,;
[15:50.28]or that she failed even to catch his attention?;
[15:54.57]There must arrive an ugly moment between every husband and wife;
[16:00.36]maybe it's a quarrel or a disappointment or a hurt-;
[16:05.27]-and if that moment drops without discussion and sinks into brooding;
[16:10.91]or resentment,;
[16:12.25]then it will be the seed that comes in the end to bear bitter fruit.;
[16:17.99]Admittedly,it is largely women who write to me;
[16:23.21]and I do see marriage from a woman's point of view.;
[16:26.94]But in this freezing of communication,;
[16:30.40]I think it is often men:who are the culprits.;
[16:34.38]Men must talk about their feelings;
[16:37.90]and men must respect the validity of women's feelings,;
[16:42.96]or their marriages become just a way of getting their shirts ironed.;
[16:48.81]When agony aunts like me talk about "working at a marriage",;
[16:54.59]listening is what we mean.;
[16:57.49]Listening is hard work,;
[17:00.54]especially when it is to something we would rather not hear.;
[17:05.92]There is no such thing as a marriage of convenience.;
[17:10.00]Marriage is a cumbersome, inconvenient alliance;
[17:15.27]but it is the only way we have of making families;
[17:19.62]and therefore anyone who undertakes it has a responsibility to it.;
[17:25.72]Part of the wife's responsibility is never,;
[17:30.01]never to expect more from "us" than she expects from herself.;
[17:36.83]Lesson 18 Should Women Be Treated the Same as Men?;
[17:44.85]Text;
[17:47.22]For Women,There Is a Long Way to Go;
[17:52.29]One-third of the people at work in Britain are women.;
[17:58.18]By 1975 they will,by law,be on a footing of equal pay with men.;
[18:06.20]Their prospects of reaching the top, however,are still far from equal.;
[18:13.23]A recently-published study called Women in Top jobs;
[18:18.81]examines why this should be so.;
[18:22.69]For the purposes of this study four researchers,two men and two women,;
[18:29.72]chose women in top management in two business organizations;
[18:34.74]and women in senior jobs in the BBC and the Civil Service.;
[18:40.94]In their findings they found that although there are conventional;
[18:46.01]and entrenched attitudes on both sides,;
[18:49.52]there is a widespread awareness;
[18:52.11]that no society can afford not to utilize ability.;
[18:57.85]The studies confirm that there is no basic difference;
[19:02.86]between the standards and quality of work performance of women;
[19:07.31]who have reached top jobs and those of men in similar! positions.;
[19:13.72]Nevertheless,;
[19:16.04]there emerged some distinctive factors in the performance of women in top jobs;
[19:23.13]Women were less interested in empire-building,in office politics,;
[19:29.49]in status symbols.;
[19:31.92]8 They are likely to be less forceful and competitive than men.;
[19:38.33]In the past,women tended to assume;
[19:42.52]they would be overtaken by men in the race to the top.;
[19:46.65]However,today's young women are far less philosophical about their status;
[19:53.47]and are more aggressive in their resentment at being treated;
[19:57.82]as in some way inferior to men.;
[20:01.13]On the other hand,;
[20:03.61]since lack of drive is one of the criticisms leveled against women,;
[20:08.93]perhaps this aggression is a positive advantage.;
[20:13.22]Some young women, though,;
[20:15.55]find it very difficult to come to terms with the feeling;
[20:19.79]that characteristics of authority;
[20:22.27]which are acceptable in men are often not acceptable in women.;
[20:28.73]A reason often advanced for women failing to reach the top;
[20:33.80]is their desire for balance between work and a life outside work.;
[20:39.59]Employers know this and tend,;
[20:42.90]when a woman with young children applies for promotion,;
[20:47.35]to treat the fact that she has young children as an important factor and;
[20:53.65]given the choice,are more likely to give promotion to a man than to her.;
[21:00.68]What about women whose children are almost grown up?;
[21:05.34]Well,the writers of the study recommend a much more positive approach;
[21:11.80]by employers to women who want to return to their careers;
[21:16.35]after their children are off their hands.;
[21:21.00]2.Read;
[21:25.24]Read the following passages.;
[21:28.29]Underline the important viewpoints while reading.;
[21:33.56]1.What Women's Lib Is about;
[21:39.10]Women's Lib is short for the Women's Liberation Movement;
[21:45.35]which got its name in America some years ago.;
[21:49.80]Its supporters demand their freedom and equality with men.;
[21:55.85]In this dialogue Sheila believes in Women's Lib;
[22:00.76]while Harry has his doubts.;
[22:04.12]Harry:I've never understood what this Women's Lib business is all about.;
[22:10.17]I can understand women in some countries struggling for their rights.;
[22:16.01]But it strikes me that here in Britain women have already got as much freedom;
[22:22.27]as they could possibly want.;
[22:24.49]They've got the vote they can go to university,;
[22:28.52]they can compete with men in the professions on equal terms...;
[22:33.02]Sheila: Rubbish! You're fooling yourself.;
[22:36.38]How many women members of Parliament are there?;
[22:39.95]About 30 out of 635. How many women company directors?;
[22:47.70]How many trade union leaders? How many judges?;
[22:52.36]Harry: Not many, I agree.But why is that?;
[22:56.96]Maybe their talents don't lie in those directions.;
[23:01.20]Perhaps they prefer to be housewives.;
[23:04.30]Sheila:Prefer to be housewives?;
[23:07.35]You can't have any idea what it's like,;
[23:10.55]when you've been married fifteen years;
[23:13.14]and you've cleaned a house every day;;
[23:15.88]then your husband and kids come along and mess it all up again.;
[23:20.17]Can you imagine the monotony,the boredom the frustration?;
[23:25.34]Harry:Oh yes,I can imagine it easily enough.;
[23:29.42]But don't forget that a lot of men have equally boring jobs;
[23:34.70]and less freedom to do them their own way.;
[23:38.21]But that's beside the point;the real point is that most housewives,;
[23:44.47]in my experience,are content to be housewives.;
[23:48.91]Take my wife Jane, for example.;
[23:51.86]She's not bored or frustrated;she finds her life quite satisfying;;
[23:58.01]she cleans,cooks, gardens...;
[24:00.96]Sheila:Oh I'm aware of that.;
[24:03.18]That's because over the centuries men have trained;
[24:07.32]and educated women to consider themselves inferior;
[24:11.87]and to accept their position.;
[24:14.71]It isn't just the men who are prejudiced against the women.;
[24:19.42]The women have become prejudiced against themselves;
[24:23.86]They believe they really are inferior.;
[24:27.38]Harry:You mean they've been conditioned to accept an inferior position;
[24:32.96]Sheila:Exactly; they've been brainwashed.;
[24:36.74]It's the job of the Women's Lib movement to open their eyes;
[24:41.23]to the way they have been fooled and dominated;
[24:44.08]and exploited all these years.;
[24:46.82]Harry:So you want to take all these nice contented women;
[24:50.90]and make them discontent and rebellious?;
[24:54.06]Sheila:Right.;
[24:55.14]Harry:I see.Welt,I don't accept that the present system;
[25:00.52]is the result of conditioning or brain washing at all.;
[25:05.12]It's the natural biological function of a woman first;
[25:09.46]to bring children into the world and then to bring them up,;
[25:14.22]That is how the animals do it.;
[25:16.75]In the Stone Age, when we were cavemen;
[25:20.06]the women stayed at home in the cave and the men,being stronger and braver,;
[25:26.32]went out to hunt.;
[25:28.69]Now the men go out and earn money instead.;
[25:32.99]"The Women's Lib movement defiles woman her natural function;
[25:38.36]I'm not saying that woman's function is necessarily inferior;;
[25:43.79]but I am saying that it's not the same.;
[25:47.56]Sheila:So if something happened in the Stone Age it was "natural";
[25:52.53]and so it would be perfectly right and proper and "natural" to go and do it now.;
[25:59.09]I suppose if a man thinks he wants a woman all he has to do is go out,;
[26:04.99]and knock one of the head with his club and drag her home by the hair.;
[26:09.69]Or maybe swop her with his pal for a couple of tiger-skins?;
[26:14.45]Harry:Don't be silly.;
[26:16.15]We've grown out of that sort of barbarity.;
[26:19.00]Sheila:I should jolly well hope so too.;
[26:21.89]Anyway all this Stone Age stuff is a myth made up by men.;
[26:27.01]For all we know, Stone Age women were the top dogs.;
[26:31.56]Harry:All right, let's drop the Stone Age,;
[26:35.08]Let's come down to the modern British family.;
[26:38.54]I suppose you want to abolish it?;
[26:41.18]Sheila:No,but I want to reorganize it;;
[26:45.05]I believe that the housework and the bringing up of the children;
[26:49.29]should be Shared equally.;
[26:51.00]Harry:How?The husband should wash up, presumably.;
[26:54.72]Sheila:Of course.;
[26:55.91]Harry:Well,I do that at my house;;
[26:58.91]and I fill up the stove and mow the lawn and dig the garden.;
[27:03.98]Sheila:Naturally. Those are men's jobs,anyway.;
[27:07.65]Harry:Oh!;
[27:08.67]I didn't think you believed in men's jobs' and women's jobs'.;
[27:12.51]Anyway I do quite a lot of the shopping.;
[27:15.30]Sheila:Fancy that!;
[27:16.90]Harry:And in my time I've bathed a few babies.;
[27:20.31]Sheila:And changed nappies?;
[27:22.38]Harry:Both changed them and washed them.;
[27:25.59]Sheila:Well,all I can say is you must be pretty unusual.;
[27:30.55]My husband's never touched a nappy in his life.;
[27:34.69]Harry:I wouldn't say it was all that unusual.;
[27:38.15]There are plenty of men in England who do the same as I do.;
[27:43.22]Maybe that's why our wives are so satisfied.;
[27:47.45]Now suppose we all did the same;
[27:50.40]and there were enough nursery schools and so on;
[27:53.56]and all the women who wanted to work could do so,;
[27:57.28]what would you say to that?;
[27:59.09]Sheila:Well..;
[28:00.23]Harry:Now suppose I was to stay at home and do all the housework;
[28:04.52]and look after the children while my wife went out to work.;
[28:08.96]What would you think about that?;
[28:11.13]Sheila:I'd approve of it.;
[28:12.89]Harry:And you'd be willing for her to do any job at all?;
[28:16.82]Sheila:Anything she was strong enough to do.;
[28:19.25]Harry:Good.;
[28:20.49]Now some time last century a law was passed;
[28:25.04]making it illegal for women to work down the coalmines.;
[28:29.54]You would like that law abolished?;
[28:32.12]Sheila:Certainly.;
[28:33.57]Harry:I hope you won't want men to open doors for you;
[28:37.19]and give up their seats in the bus for you.;
[28:39.77]Sheila:Of course not as long as I'm fit.;
[28:42.67]Harry:In fact,in return for equality;
[28:45.77]you would give up all these special allowances;
[28:48.61]formerly made for the so-called weaker sex?;
[28:51.87]Sheila:If I'm going to be logical,yes.;
[28:54.72]Harry:Well,if women are going to be logical,that will be progress.;
|