[00:00.00]151 Rushing to a Party
[00:05.12]A: Why are you rushing around like a chicken with its head cut off?
[00:11.44]B: I've been invited to a party at Ralph and Carol's house tonight.
[00:16.09]A: So what's the big rush?
[00:18.36]A: I was told that the party starts at eight.
[00:21.73]A: Relax. Relax. In America if someone tells you a party starts at eight, you'd better arrive between 8:30 and 9.
[00:30.64]B: You are kidding! How come?
[00:33.88]A: I don't know--It's just the custom here.
[00:36.57]B: I've never been invited to a party in America before. Can you give me some ideas what it is like?
[00:44.07]A: WelI, there is almost always alcohol--beer, wine,
[00:49.58]whisky and generally some small snacks to eat and sometimes a late evening buffet is served about 11 or 12 o'clock.
[00:58.07]B: What do people do at parties?
[01:01.05]A: Sometimes they just sit or stand around in groups and talk. But often parties involve music and dancing.
[01:08.23]B: I can't dance.
[01:10.27]A: You don't have to dance if you don't want to.
[01:13.09]B: If I stand around and talk to you all night, I'll never get to this party.
[01:18.42]A: OK, have a good time.
[01:20.40]B: Thanks.
[01:22.26]152 Are You Ready For Valentine's Day?
[01:29.03]February 14 is a special day for sweethearts.
[01:34.30]It was once thought to be the time when a chubby little love god named Cu-pid aimed his arrows
[01:40.73]at the hearts of young men and women.
[01:44.83]Many people believed that their future happiness was connected with valentine festivities.
[01:52.17]Valentine's Day is believed to have had its beginnings in a Roman festival called the Lupercalia.
[01:59.51]The early Roman men often pinned on their sleeves the names of the girls who were to be their partners.
[02:07.45]Even today we say that a man wears his heart up-on his sleeves when he shows interest in a lady.
[02:15.68]Sometimes the couple exchanged gifts.
[02:19.42]Ladies often received perfumed gloves or fine jewels.
[02:24.64]After the Lupercalia became a saint's day honoring Saint Valentine, some of the old customs were kept.
[02:33.99]It remained an important time for any one looking for a sweetheart.
[02:39.09]Later, people began to exchange valentine cards instead of gifts.
[02:46.19]The Duke of Orleans is believed to have made the first valentine card.
[02:51.91]When he was kept in the tower of London in 1415, he wrote love poems to his wife in France.
[03:00.40]Sweethearts exchanged handmade cards during the 18th and 19th centuries.
[03:07.35]Valentine cards became popular in the United States during the civil war.
[03:13.72]Within a few years Valentine's Day received almost as much attention as Christmas.
[03:23.18]153 Some Customs in Britain
[03:27.49]The British have the habit of queuing.
[03:30.94]If you have watched a TV news program about Britain or have seen an English film,
[03:36.92]you probably know of the people lining up one after another,
[03:40.76]getting on the bus, getting on the train or buying something, such as a newspaper.
[03:46.69]There is seldom any jumping of the queue.
[03:49.80]If somebody jump the queue, the British people look down upon him or her.
[03:55.49]They think that he or she is ill-bred, and take a remarkably dim view of such behavior.
[04:02.39]In England you should never ask a woman her age.
[04:06.36]Women do not like others to know their ages.
[04:09.36]They think it is very impolite of you to ask their ages.
[04:13.68]Don't try to bargain in Britain when you do shopping.
[04:18.22]The British do not expect or welcome bargain.
[04:22.24]Sometimes they con-sider it losing face.
[04:25.35]If it is a question of some expensive art work or a large quantity of antique furniture or silver,
[04:33.42]you might try to work out a sensible over-all price with your salesman.
[04:38.23]The British people seldom bargain, they just buy what they want at what they think a reasonable price,
[04:45.68]and take such a practice for granted.
[04:48.34]154 When a Baby Is Born
[04:54.43]A birth, the world over, is regarded as a happy occasion
[04:59.34]and in the West the birth of a girl is welcomed with an enthusi-asm equal to that over a boy.
[05:07.25]Before the birth it is not polite for anyone except very close friends to talk about the coming event,
[05:15.56]but as soon as the baby is born anyone may send a card or a note of greetings
[05:22.30]and congratulations to the mother or to the par-ents.
[05:26.79]It may or may not be accompanied by flowers, fruit, or dainties for the mother, or a gift for the child.
[05:35.83]In China there is nothing more appropriate to give a new foreign baby than something typically Chinese
[05:43.95]such as Chinese babies wear.
[05:46.72]The foreign mother in China keeps the little Chinese cap or shoes or bracelet given to her child
[05:54.90]by her Chinese friends as a treasured keepsake long after the baby has stopped wearing it,
[06:02.24]putting it away in a box to give back to him when he is grown up,
[06:07.49]in memory of his early years in China, and his Chinese friends.
[06:14.70]155 Ladies First
[06:20.40]The forms of respecting the "weaker sex" that social custom keeps as treasures might be called the "respecting ploy".
[06:29.20]The ap-parent function of the ploy is to proclaim the moral superiority of women
[06:34.97]by giving them benefits once reserved for royalty:
[06:38.99]giving up one's seat, opening doors, pulling out chairs, and rising when a woman enters the room.
[06:47.28]The ploy's hidden intention, however, is quite different.
[06:51.61]Over the centuries such pleasant things have tendered women, kept them in their "high" place,
[06:59.03]and maintained the convenient (for men) social fiction that fe-males cannot perform real labor,
[07:06.79]and so need not be paid ade-quately for the labor they do perform.
[07:11.31]If the "little woman" can-not open a door for herself,
[07:15.96]it's certainly not necessary to make her salary more than 60 percent of a man's.
[07:21.70]The effect of the respecting ploy was not, of course, always obvious.
[07:27.95]In the days when the ploy was used most widely, the females to whom these social courtesies were extended
[07:35.89]did not, in fact, know how to work:
[07:39.31]as the daughters of wealth, their function was to manage the fortunes their husbands earned.
[07:46.00]Women who worked were by definition members of the "lover" ranks morally as well as socially.
[07:53.47]It is not an accident that the expression "working girl" which today means a professional prostitute,
[08:01.28]recently meant any woman with a job.
[08:05.46]156 The Funeral
[08:10.58]Funerals, of course, are always sad.
[08:13.90]But the tendency in western countries is against making any show of one's feelings at the funeral.
[08:22.18]The idea behind this is that the person dead would wish this last meeting of his friends
[08:28.29]in his honor and remem-brance to be full of tender,happy recollection of his life,
[08:34.56]to be creative and inspirational rather than given over to grief and mourning.
[08:41.64]Friends are carefully not to show their sorrow too much,
[08:45.64]for this would only increase the pain of the nearest rela-tives.
[08:50.29]Yet it is hardly possible to avoid all sadness,
[08:55.14]and one should not try to be artificially cheerful.
[08:58.96]It is not necessary at a funeral to speak to the bereaved persons at all,
[09:04.78]unless One hap-pens to come very close to them, when a pressure of the hand,
[09:10.77]or a few low words of comfort or sympathy are enough.
[09:15.28]In con-trast to Chinese custom, all forms of noise and excitement are out of place, and a solemn quiet prevails.
[09:25.50]There are usually no invitation to a funeral.
[09:30.20]Anyone may go who wishes, unless the announcement in the newspapers states that it will be private.
[09:37.88]In general the best friends of the person who has died take the front seats,
[09:44.15]more casual friends and ac-quaintances the back ones.
[09:48.36]There are often ushers at a funeral, as at a wedding.
[09:52.77]And when there are, one should follow to the seat indicated.
[09:57.50]It is impolite to stare at the grieving friends and relatives of the dead person.
[10:03.61]157 Comfortable Distance Between People
[10:10.85]Unconsciously, we all keep a comfortable distance around us when we interact with other people.
[10:18.11]This space between us and another person forms invisible walls.
[10:23.49]The amount of space changes depending on the nature of the relationship.
[10:29.08]For example, we are usually more comfortable standing closer to family members than to strangers.
[10:36.73]Personality also determines the size of the area with which we are comfort- able when talking to people.
[10:44.65]Introverts often prefer to interact with others at a greater distance than do extroverts.
[10:52.09]Cultural styles are important too.
[10:55.73]A Japanese employer and employee usually stand farther apart while talking than their American counterparts.
[11:04.24]Latin Americans and Arabs tend to stand closer than Americans do when talking.
[11:10.82]For Americans the usual distance in social conversation ranges from about an arm's length to four feet.
[11:20.46]Less space in the American culture may be associated with either greater intimacy or aggressive behavior.
[11:29.37]The common practice of saying "Excuse me."
[11:33.16]for the slightest accidental touching of another person re-veals how
[11:38.20]uncomfortable Americans are if people get too close.
[11:41.99]In cultures where close physical contact is acceptable and even desirable,
[11:48.44]Americans may be perceived as cold and distant.
[11:53.09]158 Manners Matter
[11:59.36]Good manners are knowing the right thing to do and say at the right time.
[12:04.95]If you have good manners you will have more fun when you are with people.
[12:09.84]This is true whether you're at school or going out to dinners or on board of a bus.
[12:17.10]Good manners make a big difference in your social life.
[12:21.07]Manners are important for both men and women, and are very practical.
[12:26.61]Sometimes manners can count more than anything else in the first impression you make.
[12:32.85]They help you to make new friends and to get along well with people.
[12:38.15]Good manners, such as a nice smile, a cheerful "hello" or a short "thank you" reveal your good breeding
[12:46.72]and help clear up misunderstanding.
[12:49.62]You'll not get along very well without good manners because good manners are willingly accepted by the public,
[12:58.06]while bad man-ners are disliked everywhere.
[13:01.51]Good manners need constant development.
[13:05.21]You should al-ways observe and learn good manners from other people in different situations.
[13:11.38]What's more you must also practice good man-ners yourself and keep it until they become part of you.
[13:19.84]159 The Art of Shaking Hands
[13:27.81]Today it is perfectly natural for us to shake hands when we greet someone, or say "good-bye".
[13:34.63]But like so many other things we do without thinking
[13:38.81]such actions as shaking hands at one time probably symbolized something else.
[13:44.45]For example, in primitive life the hand was probably a symbol of power and strength.
[13:51.58]The hand was used to fight enemies, kill animals and make spears and implements.
[13:57.83]So when the hand was extended to someone, it could have represented good will,
[14:04.07]since it showed that the person was not armed or ready to fight.
[14:08.77]We know that the hand was an important symbol in early religion, probably as a mark of power.
[14:16.19]The Greeks prayed to their gods with raised hands.
[14:19.90]Presenting hand palm to palm was at one time the way an inferior person paid respect to a superior.
[14:28.21]Among the Arabs, it was customary at one time to kiss the hand of a superior.
[14:34.92]Later on, polite Arabs began to resist the efforts of people to kiss their hands,
[14:41.74]and sometimes they would end up clapping hands
[14:45.76]as each tried to prevent the other from showing this mark of "inferiority".
[14:50.85]The early Greeks held out the right hand when they wished to indicate friendship to a stranger.
[14:57.15]The hand and what was done with it have been full of meaning to people down through the ages.
[15:04.28]And while we shake hands,
[15:06.84]we are really carrying on a custom that has been handed clown to us from ancient times.
[15:12.17]160 Should I Take off My Shoes?
[15:18.67]Different countries have different manners.
[15:22.83]Before entering a house in some Asian countries it is good manners to take off your shoes.
[15:29.83]In European countries, even though shoes sometimes be-come very muddy this is not done.
[15:37.06]A guest in a Chinese house never finishes a drink.
[15:41.71]He leaves a little to show that he has had enough.
[15:45.55]In a Malay house, too, a guest always leaves a little food.
[15:51.04]In England, a guest always finishes a drink to show that he has enjoyed it.
[15:57.23]Here are some examples of the things that a well-mannered person does or does not do.
[16:04.57]He never laughs at people when they are in trouble.
[16:08.83]In-stead, he tries to help them.
[16:11.65]He is always kind either to people or to animals.
[16:16.54]When people are waiting for a bus, he takes his turn.
[16:20.95]He does not rush to the front of the queue.
[16:23.98]In the bus, he gives his seat to an old person or a lady who is standing.
[16:30.35]If he accidentally bumps into someone or gets in their way he says "excuse me" or "I'm sorry."
[16:39.11]He says "please" when making a request and "Thank You" when he receives something.
[16:45.74]He stands up when speaking to a lady or an old person, and he does not sit down until the other person is seated.
[16:55.51]161 Table Rules and Suggestions
[17:00.97]Do not put much food in your mouth at a time.
[17:04.94]Keep your lips closed while you are chewing.
[17:08.44]And as long as there is food in your mouth, do not try to talk.
[17:13.09]Do not make any noise when you eat.
[17:16.62]It is bad manners at a western meal to make any noise with the mouth.
[17:21.42]And if you have to cough or choke use your napkin to cover your mouth.
[17:27.04]Drink only when there is no food in your mouth,
[17:31.35]It is bad manners to take a mouthful of food and then wash it down with a gulp of water.
[17:37.72]Be sure your lips are not greasy when you drink from your glass.
[17:42.79]Try not to get your lips greasy. If you do, you have your napkin to wipe them with.
[17:50.29]Try not to get into your mouth anything that will have to be taken out.
[17:55.54]But if you have a small bone or some other object you cannot swallow,
[18:01.16]remove it in a way that will not be noticed.
[18:04.47]If you are eating with a spoon, take it in the spoon from your mouth to the plate, if not, use your hand.
[18:13.36]Do not spit anything from your mouth onto the plate or onto the floor.
[18:18.79]Be careful not to drop any food or water on the table cloth.
[18:24.22]If you have an accident do not do anything which will make others notice iy;
[18:30.05]but always apologize quietly to the hostess.
[18:33.70]You might say, "Oh, I am so sorry, I was very careless."
[18:39.58]Avoid cleaning your teeth at the table or anywhere in public, with your fingers or with your tongue.
[18:48.10]If you have to get something out that is caught between your teeth,
[18:52.33]cover your mouth with your napkin while you do so,
[18:55.83]but it's better to leave it until you are alone sometime later.
[19:01.37]162 Say Good-Bye to Insomnia
[19:07.82]Insomnia is the inability to sleep fully.
[19:13.02]It is a problem to nearly everyone at some time.
[19:16.91]A person may be awake for an hour in the middle of the night
[19:21.40]and then, next morning, feel that he hardly slept all night.
[19:26.68]If insomnia happens very often, it is im-portant to find its possible causes and try to correct them.
[19:34.36]Any of a large number of simple factors may make it difficult for someone to fall asleep.
[19:41.10]His mattress may be too soft or too hard.
[19:45.15]If there are too many blankets on a hot night, he may be too warm;
[19:50.97]if the blanket is too light he may feel cold during the night.
[19:55.99]The bedroom itself may be too hot or too cold.
[20:00.64]Drinks, such as tea or coffee, can also keep people awake.
[20:06.33]Inability to fall asleep sometimes has something to do with emotional or mental disorder.
[20:14.38]The cause of insomnia may be easy to correct.
[20:18.43]The person should check the mattress, and bedroom temperature, and make
any necessary changes.
[20:25.67]He should relax for an hour or two be-fore bedtime, perhaps by reading a book,
[20:31.83]watching television or taking a warm bath.
[20:35.51]Above all,
[20:37.24]he should try not to worry about sleeplessness-when someone is tired enough he nearly always falls asleep.
[20:45.78]163 At the Dentist's
[20:52.26]Doctor: Now, Mr. Smith, please have a seat and tell me what the problem is.
[20:58.68]Mr. Smith: I have a terrible toothache here, last night I didn't sleep a wink.
[21:04.30]It was terrible. And I can't eat any-thing. It's even painful when I drink water.
[21:11.30]Doctor: let me take a look at it. Now, on which side did you say it hurts you?
[21:17.39]Mr. Smith: ouch! ouch !
[21:19.16]Doctor: But I have hardly touched you yet.
[21:21.62]Mr. Smith: Er,..sorry, I...your instruments are so scary.
[21:26.77]Doctor: Relax, Okay? Now let's see what the trouble is.
[21:31.99]Mr. Smith: It's on the left side just above my eye tooth.
[21:36.17]Doctor: Does the tooth itself ever ache? Is it sensitive to heat or cold?
[21:42.49]Mr. Smith: No, only the gum above the tooth...ouch!
[21:46.17]Doctor: There is an inflammation here. wait... here is cavity.
[21:51.53]By the way how often do you go to your dental hygienist?
[21:56.08]Mr. Smith: Twice a year. Is there much calculus?
[21:59.42]Doctor: No, the teeth are OK, except the cavity here.
[22:03.99]Mrs smith: Oh, dear, I do hope you won't pull the tooth.
[22:07.83]Doctor: I don't think so. It needs filling and that's all.
[22:11.54]164 Having Breakfast Or Not?
[22:18.88]Generations of Americans have been brought up to believe that a good breakfast is one of life's essentials.
[22:27.60]Eating breakfast at the start of the day, we have all been told and told again,
[22:33.56]is as necessary as putting gasoline in the family car before starting a trip.
[22:39.28]But for many people the thought of food as the first thing in the morning is by no means a pleasure.
[22:47.12]So despite all the efforts, they still take no breakfast.
[22:52.16]Between 1977 and 1983, the latest year for which figures are available,
[22:59.76]the number of people who didn't have breakfast increased by 33 percent-
[23:05.53]from 8.8 million to 11.7 million-according to the Chicago-based Market Re-search Corporation of America.
[23:15.12]For those who feel pain or guilt about not eating breakfast, however, there is some good news.
[23:23.14]Several studies in the last few years indicate that, for adults especially,
[23:30.09]there may be nothing wrong with omitting breakfast.
[23:33.36]"Going without breakfast does not affect performance," said Arnold E. Bender,
[23:40.12]former profes-sor of nutrition at Queen Elizabeth College in London,
[23:45.06]"nor does giving people breakfast improve performance."
[23:49.55]Scientific evidence linking breakfast to better health or better performance is surprisingly inadequate,
[23:58.48]and most of the recent work involves children, not adults.
[24:03.71]"The literature," says one researcher, Dr. Ernesto Pollitt at the University of Texas, "is poor".
[24:12.43]165 Pregnancy Smoking
[24:18.60]American doctors say mothers who smoke cigarettes may slow the growth of their children's lungs.
[24:26.64]They said reduced lung growth could cause the children to suffer breathing problems and lung disease later in life.
[24:35.58]Doctors studied more than 1100 children between the ages of five and nine.
[24:43.31]The mothers of some of the children smoked; the other mothers did not.
[24:48.93]Doctors test-ed the children once a year for five years to see how fast their lungs were growing.
[24:56.76]The test measured the amount of air the children could blow out of their lungs in one second.
[25:04.47]Children should be able to blow out more air each year because their lung power increases as their lungs develop.
[25:13.17]But the doctors found that the lungs of the children whose mothers smoked had not de-velopecl as fast as they should.
[25:21.82]In fact they were 7% less devel-oped than the lungs of children whose mothers did not smoke.
[25:29.36]Doctors are not sure when the mother's smoking affected the children's lungs.
[25:35.19]They say it could have happened before birth because the mothers smoked during pregnancy or it could have happened
[25:43.26]later when the children breathed smoke-filled air at home.
[25:47.99]Doctors also are not sure if reduced lung growth will af-fect the children's overall health when they are adults.
[25:56.69]But they do know that children whose mothers smoked developed 20% more colds, influenza than other children.
[26:06.04]So doctors feel there is a greater danger that such children will develop serious lung
[26:12.68]and breathing diseases later in life.
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