[00:05.90]You know as well as l do that we could make this show huge. 你知我知,我们可以搞大这节目

　　[00:09.26]And if it doesn’t work? What do l get? 要是不成功呢?那我得到什么?

　　[00:13.74]You’re really that confident? 你真这么有自信?

　　[00:20.10](诊所)

　　[00:22.30]lt’s been more than 30 seconds. 已经超过三十秒了

　　[00:32.90]All right, deal. Now what? 好,成交,现在呢?

　　[00:34.22]Always make an impression. 永远要让人记得你

　　[00:36.58]-But what about the--? -ln five seconds, he’ll call. Come on. - 那电话怎么… - 五秒之内他会回叩,走吧

　　[00:37.42]Let’s get a move on. We have work to do. 走吧,我们还有工作要做

　　[00:41.98]What are you, Nostradamus? 你是算命仙吗?

　　[00:45.62]Amazing. 真厉害

　　[00:48.90]Rule number one: never criticize. 第一 永远不要批评

　　[00:50.50]-Even if it’s constructive? -Never. - 就算是有建设性的批评? - 对

　　[00:52.66]Men are incapable of growth, change or progress. 男人不会成长、改变或进步

　　[00:56.46]For men, self-improvement ends at toilet training. 对男人来说,会上厕所就很强了

　　[01:00.54]And rule number two: laugh at whatever he says. 第二 不管他说什么都要笑

　　[01:03.82]-What if what he says isn’t funny? -That’s irrelevant. - 要是他说的不好笑呢? - 那不重要

　　[01:08.78]-A fake laugh is like a fake orgasm. -A fake orgasm is good? - 假笑就像假高潮 - 假高潮好吗?

　　[01:12.06]No, but a fake orgasm is better than no orgasm at all. 不好,不过总比没高潮好

　　[01:12.74]-A fake orgasm is no orgasm. -Only to you. - 假高潮就是没高潮 - 那是对你而言

　　[01:17.78]You’re not the only person in the room, you know. Let’s not be selfish. 床上不是只有你一个人 别太自私了

　　[01:21.34]Now, that was perfect. 这就很完美了

　　[01:25.22]-Real or fake? -You’ll never know. - 真笑还是假笑? - 你永远不会知道

　　[01:30.46]Rule number three: men are very visual. 第三 男人是视觉动物

　　[01:32.18]-We have to change your look. -What’s wrong with my look? - 我们要改变你的外表 - 我的外表有何不妥?

　　[01:35.06]Abby, you’re a very attractive woman, but you are completely inaccessible. 艾比,你是个美女 不过你很难以亲近

　　[01:41.90]You’re all about comfort and efficiency. 你满脑子都是效率

　　[01:44.18]What’s wrong with comfort? 那样有什么错?

　　[01:44.98]Well, nothing, except no one wants to fuck it. 没什么,只是这让人没性趣

　　[01:48.74]-Hello. May l be of assistance? -Yes, you may. - 需要我帮忙吗? - 是的

　　[01:52.46]We need cocktail dresses... 我们需要小礼服

　　[01:53.14]...tight jeans and some bras that’ll make my friend’s breasts... 紧身牛仔裤 还要用胸罩让我朋友的奶子…

　　[01:56.22]-...sit up and say hello. -They’re not saying hello now? - 挺起来说哈罗 - 它们现在没有说哈罗吗?

　　[02:00.02]-What are they saying? -They’re giving more of a passing nod... - 那它们在说什么? - 它们垂头丧气的

　　[02:02.98]...rather than an outright greeting. 一点也不起眼

　　[02:04.78]You know what? Why don’t you try this on? 这样吧,你试试这件

　　[02:08.02]-l think this would be wonderful. -Now, that is a bra. - 我觉得这件不错 - 这才叫奶罩嘛

　　[02:13.90]Boobies in this thing say, ’’Put me in your mouth, l taste good.’’ 奶子在里面就像在说… 快把嘴凑上来,我很美味哦

　　[02:18.46]l’m actually wearing one right now as we speak. 我现在就穿着这一件呢

　　[02:21.94]Length is very important. 长度很重要

　　[02:25.34]We need short enough to see some thigh, but not so short to see vag. 要短得看到雪白的大腿 却又不能短到露出妹妹

　　[02:30.82]-Vag says you’re trying too hard. -You think? - 那样意图就太明显了 - 真的?

　　[02:31.50]Jeans are all about the curvature of the ass. 牛仔裤要展现臀部曲线

　　[02:35.50]You’ve-- Well, you’ve got the raw materials. 这方面你的本钱还不赖

　　[02:38.34]Now all you need is the proper presentation. 现在你只需要适当的展现

　　[02:41.38]-Did you just tell me l have a nice ass? -Do you have to be so crass? - 你刚说我臀部很好看? - 你都这么迟钝吗?

　　[02:43.42]Jesus. 天哪《人人听力网www.rrting.com》

　　[02:45.22]Rule number four: never talk about your problems... 第四 绝对不要谈你的问题

　　[02:47.70]...because men don’t really listen or care. 因为男人懒得听也不在乎

　　[02:50.50]-Some men care. -No, some men pretend to care. - 有些男人在乎 - 不,是有些男人假装在乎

　　[02:51.98]When we ask you how you’re doing, it’s guy code for: 当我们问你好不好,其实是说

　　[02:56.54]’’Let me stick my dick in your ass.’’ 我的老二想更深入了解你

　　[02:58.54]Oh, l know you think Colin is above it all, but trust me, he’s a guy. 我知道你认为柯林不会 不过相信我,他是男人

　　[03:01.22]lf he’s even remotely into you... 只要他对你有一丝丝兴趣

　　[03:02.42]...he’s probably thought about your orifices at least 1 0 times. 他可能就幻想过 你全身上下的洞至少十次

　　[03:07.30]l love how you assume all men are as perverse as you are. 我喜欢听你假设 男人都像你一样贱

　　[03:09.50]Oh, l don’t assume. l know. 我不是假设 我很清楚

　　[03:11.54]Wait. We need to make one more stop. 等等 我们要再去一个地方

　　[03:16.86]-Why? l have tons of stuff. -We have to make your hair longer. - 为什么?我买很多东西了 - 你的头发得弄长一点

　　[03:17.54]Men like something to grab onto other than your ass. 男人爱抓的不只是你的屁股

　　[03:22.22]My hair is fine. There’s nothing wrong. 我头发很好,没什么问题

　　[03:24.50]Abby, a ponytail implies that you are either operating heavy machinery... 艾比,马尾意味着 你不是操作重机械…

　　[03:29.34]...or emptying the litter box. 就是负责倒垃圾

　　[03:29.86]Neither of those things inspires an erection. 这两样都会让男人硬不起来

　　[03:33.06]Why is it my responsibility to inspire an erection? lsn’t that his job? 硬不硬怎么会该我负责? 这不是他的事吗?

　　[03:35.34]Shut up. 闭嘴啦

　　[04:00.74]-Not bad. -l just-- - 不算坏 - 我不想…

　　[04:03.06]l don’t wanna be perceived as a bimbo. l mean.... 我不想被当成荡妇

　　[04:07.06]And l don’t want you to be a bimbo. 我也不要你变成荡妇

　　[04:08.42]You have to be two people: the saint and the sinner. 你必须变成两个人 圣女加浪女

　　[04:11.82]The librarian and the stripper. 女大生加钢管妹

　　[04:14.26]On the one hand, you have to push the guy away with a cold indifference... 一方面 你得冷淡的拒人于千里之外

　　[04:18.38]...on the other, you have to be a sexually teasing tornado. 另一方面 你得变成性感火辣的金丝猫

　　[04:25.14]-Now, we have to teach you flirting. -l know how to flirt. - 现在我要教你打情骂俏 - 我会打情骂俏

　　[04:27.78]’’Oh, my name’s Abby, and l love reading Tolstoy. 〝我叫艾比,我爱看托尔斯泰

　　[04:27.90]You know how to flirt? 你会?

　　[04:30.78]l also love cats, gardening, and romantic picnics.’’ 我也爱猫,还有种花和野餐〞

　　[04:34.78]l don’t think so. 我可不这么想

　　[04:37.54]Hey, babe, you wearing any underwear? 帅哥,你有穿内裤吗?

　　[04:39.14]You know what? l wouldn’t say that, and l wouldn’t grab ass. 我不会这样说话,也不会摸臀

　　[04:42.42]What’s wrong with a little ass-grabbing? 摸臀有什么不对?

　　[04:44.58]l mean, what’s it there for if for not me to grab it? 臀部不就是给人摸的?

　　[04:46.22]You’re just a set of orifices and a pair of teetahs. 女人只是泄欲的工具

　　[04:47.90]And you are a deeply, deeply disturbed person. 你的精神有严重的问题

　　[04:54.22]Maybe l’m just a really good student. 也许我是个很好的学生

　　[04:57.10]-Would you stop doing that? -Doing what? - 不要再弄了好吗? - 弄什么?