[00:05.76]And it's your job, gentlemen, to peel back those layers... 男人有责任揭开层层面纱

　　[00:10.24]...and figure out exactly what type of woman you're dealing with. 确认你要搞定的是什么菜

　　[00:13.36]That sounded almost enlightened. 听来挺有启发性的

　　[00:14.44]Because once you do peel back those layers, my friends... 因为一旦你拨开层层外衣

　　[00:20.12]-...her lady garden awaits. -And he's back. - 她草丛里的花蕾正等着你 - 他恢复正常了

　　[00:27.48]Well, thanks, Mike. 谢了,麦克

　　[00:31.32]Coming up after this message, Javier tells us if your petunias... 稍后气象主播将告诉我们…

　　[00:32.52]...are gonna see any rainfall this weekend. 小花蕾这周末是否有雨水滋润

　　[00:36.00]l sure hope mine do. 希望我的会有

　　[00:37.00]l wanna go home, but let's go over the script. 我想回家,不过我们先看脚本吧

　　[00:40.36]Yeah, let's get it done really quickly. 是啊,快点搞定它吧

　　[00:44.56]-l'm turned on with the layers. -Want to see these layers? - 你的花蕾令我兴奋,我要看它 - 老公,想入我的花丛吗?

　　[00:48.52]-There he is. -Hey, what's up? - 他在这里 - 你好

　　[00:49.60]Good news. You're not gonna believe this. 好消息,你不会信的

　　[00:52.12]-What? -l got you on The Late Late Show... - 什么? - 我帮你安排上《深夜夜现场》

　　[00:52.48]...with Craig Ferguson. They want you as his guest. 葛瑞格佛格森想请你当来宾

　　[00:55.60]-Ferguson wants me on his show? -Yeah. - 《深夜夜现场》邀我上节目? - 对

　　[00:59.48]-You're shitting me. -l am not shitting you. - 不会吧 - 我没有骗你

　　[01:00.52]-Oh, yeah. -We made it. - 好耶! - 我们成功了!

　　[01:06.40]Hi. Who are you? 嗨,你是谁?

　　[01:06.60]Yes! 帅啊!

　　[01:09.32]Oh, this is Rick. 这是瑞克

　　[01:11.16]-l'm his agent. -Yeah. - 他的经纪人 - 对

　　[01:14.20]Since when do you have an agent? And since when is it okay... 你什么时候有经纪人了? 又是什么时候…

　　[01:17.36]...to book Late Night without the producer's approval? 未经制片的许可 竟然可以去上《深夜现场》?

　　[01:19.44]Actually, it's Late Late. lt's two ''lates.'' 是《深夜夜现场》,两个夜

　　[01:20.84]And since he became the hottest personality on morning TV. 从他成为晨间电视当红名人开始

　　[01:24.20]-Have you seen this guy's ratings? -Yes. Yes, l have. - 你看过这家伙的收视率吗? - 有,我看过

　　[01:28.88]Yeah, okay. Anyways, you leave tonight. 总之你今晚上路,我安排好了

　　[01:31.44]-Okay. -lt's all set. - 好 - 都搞定了

　　[01:33.76]-How cool is this? -Come on, let's go. - 这很酷吧? - 我们走吧

　　[01:37.92]Oh, my God! 我的妈呀!

　　[01:45.08]Joy said you wanted to see me? 乔伊说你想见我?

　　[01:45.76]l found out that Mike's being offered a job... 我刚得知哥伦比亚电视旧金山台

　　[01:49.08]...at a CBS affiliate in San Francisco at twice the pay. 用两倍薪水挖麦克跳槽

　　[01:50.56]Craig Ferguson is his audition. 上《深夜夜现场》就是试镜

　　[01:52.84]-You can't be serious. -Oh, l'm serious. - 不会吧 - 正是

　　[01:55.12]lf Bob and Harold find out about this, we're dead. 鲍伯和哈洛若得知此事 我们就死定了

　　[01:57.08]Now, l need you to fly out there and talk him out of it. 我要你飞过去跟他谈

　　[02:02.40]l'm going to Lake Tahoe this weekend. 我这个周末要去太浩湖

　　[02:04.00]Don't let him know that you know. 在他上场前,别让他知道你知情

　　[02:05.24]Go ahead and let him do the show, get us our publicity... 让他去上节目,帮我们打知名度

　　[02:07.72]...and then convince him that he needs to sign on with us... 之后再说服他签下三年合约

　　[02:10.84]...for the next three years. That's all we can do. 我们只能这么做了

　　[02:21.76](世纪广场)

　　[02:25.24]Stuart, l'm pulling up. l'm gonna try to catch him. 我快到了,我要先设法拦截他

　　[02:26.52]Okay. l'll call you back. 好,我再打给你

　　[02:31.20]Thank you. 谢谢

　　[02:33.20]Hello, little stupid penis face. 你好,屌男孩

　　[02:36.00]You'd be on cable access if it weren't for me. 要不是我,你还默默无名呢

　　[02:36.36]-Here you wanna move to CBS. -ls everything okay, miss? - 听说你想跳槽到哥伦比亚 - 你还好吧,小姐?

　　[02:41.04]Yes, l'm just-- l'm practicing my speech. 没事,我只是在练习讲稿

　　[02:45.40]Abby? What are you doing here? l thought you were going to Tahoe. 艾比?你在这里干嘛? 我以为你去太浩湖了

　　[02:50.20]You couldn't spend a day without me. 你就是离不开我,对吧?

　　[02:52.36]Yes. l just can't get enough of your sparkling wit and charm. 是啊,我渴求你的智慧和魅力

　　[02:57.28]Stuart thought you needed a producer more than l needed to get laid. 而且老大认为你需要制片 比我需要上床还重要

　　[03:00.56]Come on, l gotta check in. We leave in five minutes. 我要登记住房,五分钟后出发

　　[03:05.12]-Five minutes. Ticktock, ticktock. -Yes, dear. - 五分钟,滴答、滴答 - 是,亲爱的

　　[03:08.88]Okay, so let's go over the pre-interview questions. 我们先讨论受访问题吧

　　[03:13.28]l'm sorry you didn't get to spend time with little Colin this weekend. 抱歉害你没办法 跟小柯林一起共度周末

　　[03:18.52]...although l highly suspect that's the case. 虽然我强力怀疑就是那样

　　[03:18.72]And by ''little,'' l don't mean undersized... 我说小柯林,不是说他尺寸小

　　[03:22.48]Colin's penis. That's what you wanna talk about right now? 柯林的尺寸,你现在想谈这个?

　　[03:27.08]Because l thought we should talk about... 因为我想也许我们该谈谈

　　[03:29.68]Yeah. Okay. 对,好吧

　　[03:29.76]...what you're gonna say on the show. 你上节目要说什么

　　[03:32.44]So tell me, Mike, how did The Ugly Truth start? 《真相挖挖哇》是怎么开始的?

　　[03:37.04]Well, Mr. lrish Craig Ferguson... 亲爱的主持人

　　[03:39.72]...where l was driving around a lot, listening to talk radio. 常开车闯南走北 收听谈话节目

　　[03:40.00]...l had a sales job... 我以前是业务员

　　[03:43.24]l started calling in, and then l realized l'm smarter than everybody else. 那时我开始打电话 后来我发现我比别人都聪明

　　[03:48.32]Just ask my producer, Abby. 问问我的制片艾比 就知道了

　　[03:50.04]She thinks l'm a genius on days when she's not sexually frustrated. 在她性生活还算满意时 她认为我是天才

　　[03:55.48]Yes, thousands of lives have been enriched by your wisdom. 对,你的智慧丰富了大家的人生

　　[03:57.48]Excuse me, lady, but you have a boyfriend right now because of me. 拜托,你是因为我才有了男朋友

　　[04:01.84]lt may have started because of you, but it's lasted because of me. 一开始也许是,后来是因为我

　　[04:03.16]You're acting like your normal control-freak psycho self again. 好啊,你又变回那个控制狂了

　　[04:07.12]l am not a control freak. 我不是控制狂

　　[04:09.60]When you checked into the hotel, did you or did you not insist... 你登记住房时有没有坚持…

　　[04:13.68]...on getting an eastern-facing room on a floor not below 7? 要住七楼以上朝东的房间?

　　[04:19.96]l like rising with the sun, and a view. 我喜欢起床看日出

　　[04:23.56]My point is, that Colin likes the Mike version of Abby... 重点是柯林喜欢麦克改造的艾比

　　[04:27.44]...not the Abby version of Abby. 不是原版的艾比

　　[04:28.28]So don't go knocking my words of wisdom... 所以你别得了便宜还卖乖

　　[04:31.32]...when you're living proof that they work. 少批评我的建议

　　[04:33.36]l could be having sex right now. 我本来可以享受春宵的

　　[04:36.04]Right this way, please. 请往这边来

　　[04:37.24]Dude, this is awesome. You are about to go on national television. 兄弟,这太赞了 你即将站上全国性的电视台

　　[04:43.00]Okay, this isn't helping, Rick. 这对我没啥帮助

　　[04:44.20]Just, you know, do what you always do. 表现出平常的你就好

　　[04:45.48]-What do l always do? -You-- l don't know, you.... - 我平常都怎样? - 我不知道

　　[04:51.68]You entertain people with your moronic ideas... 你用你的蠢主意娱乐数百万人

　　[04:55.44]...and they love you for it. 他们也爱死你了

　　[04:56.04]That may be the nicest thing you said to me. 这是你对我说过最中听的话

　　[04:59.40]...here to tell us the ugly truth about men and women... 来现场挖男女真相的