2. 打开的书

 

The next day was better… and worse.

 

接下来的一天，好多了……也糟糕多了。

 

It was better because it wasn't raining yet, though the clouds were dense and opaque. It was easier because I knew what to expect of my day. Mike came to sit by me in English, and walked me to my next class, with Chess Club Eric glaring at him all the while; that was nattering. People didn't look at me quite as much as they had yesterday. I sat with a big group at lunch that included Mike, Eric, Jessica, and several other people whose names and faces I now remembered. I began to feel like I was treading water, instead of drowning in it.

 

说好多了，是因为雨还没下下来，虽然云层又厚又暗。这一天也轻松多了，因为我知道自己这一天都要做些什么了。迈克上英语课的时候坐在了我旁边，而且还把我送到了下一节课的地点，"象棋俱乐部成员"埃里克一直都瞪大眼睛看着他;这真让人受宠若惊。人们不像昨天那样老瞅我了。我跟一大群同学坐在一起吃午饭，其中包括迈克、埃里克、杰西卡等好几个现在我已经记住了名字和长相的同学。我开始感觉自己是在踩水，而不是在往下沉了。

 

It was worse because I was tired; I still couldn't sleep with the wind echoing around the house. It was worse because Mr. Varner called on me in Trig when my hand wasn't raised and I had the wrong answer. It was miserable because I had to play volleyball, and the one time I didn't cringe out of the way of the ball, I hit my teammate in the head with it. And it was worse because Edward Cullen wasn't in school at all.

 

说糟糕多了，是因为我很累;我依然睡不着觉，因为风声还在房子四周回荡着。说糟糕多了，还因为三角课上我没举手，瓦纳先生却要我起来回答问题，而我又偏偏答错了。这天更是痛苦的，因为我不得不打排球，有一次球来了，我战战兢兢没从来球路线上躲开，就一球砸到了我队友的头上。说这天糟糕多了，还因为爱德华·卡伦根本就没来上学。

 

All morning I was dreading lunch, fearing his bizarre glares. Part of me wanted to confronthim and demand to know what his problem was. While I was lying sleepless in my bed, I even imagined what I would say. But I knew myself too well to think I would really have the guts to do it. I made the Cowardly Lion look like the terminator.

 

一上午，我都在担心午饭时间的到来，怕见到他异乎寻常的目光。可另一方面，我又想跟他面对面，要他跟我说清楚是怎么回事儿。睁着眼睛躺在床上的那段时间，我甚至把要说的话都想好了。可是我太了解我自己了，根本就不相信自己真有那个胆子。我努力让自己这个胆小的狮子 看上去像魔鬼终结者。

 

But when I walked into the cafeteria with Jessica — trying to keep my eyes from sweeping the place for him, and failing entirely — I saw that his four siblings of sorts were sitting together at the same table, and he was not with them.

 

不过，我和杰西卡走进自助餐厅的时候——虽然我竭力不让自己东张西望地去找他，但结果还是完全没能控制住——我看见他的四个兄弟姐妹，一起坐在同一张桌上，而他没跟他们在一块儿。

 

Mike intercepted us and steered us to his table. Jessica seemed elated by the attention, and her friends quickly joined us. But as I tried to listen to their easy chatter, I was terriblyuncomfortable, waiting nervously for the moment he would arrive. I hoped that he would simply ignore me when he came, and prove my suspicions false.

 

迈克拦住了我们，要我们坐到他那张桌子上去。杰西卡似乎让他的这番殷勤弄得心花怒放了，她的朋友很快也加入了我们。但在我努力去听他们无拘无束的闲聊时，心里却特别不自在，忐忑不安地等待着他来的那一刻。我希望他来了以后，根本不会注意到我，从而证明是我怀疑错了。

 

He didn't come, and as time passed I grew more and more tense.

 

他没有来，而随着时间一分一秒地过去，我变得越来越紧张不安了。

 

I walked to Biology with more confidence when, by the end of lunch, he still hadn't showed. Mike, who was taking on the qualities of a golden retriever, walked faithfully by my side to class. I held my breath at the door, but Edward Cullen wasn't there, either. I exhaled and went to my seat. Mike followed, talking about an upcoming trip to the beach. He lingered by my desk till the bell rang. Then he smiled at me wistfully and went to sit by a girl with braces and a bad perm. It looked like I was going to have to do something about Mike, and it wouldn't be easy. In a town like this, where everyone lived on top of everyone else, diplomacy wasessential. I had never been enormously tactful; I had no practice dealing with overly friendlyboys.

 

去上生物学课的时候，我心里踏实了许多，因为直到午餐结束，他依然没有露面。在去上课的路上，迈克忠诚地陪在我一旁，刚才他还在侃侃而谈金毛猎犬的特性来着呢。到了门口的时候，我屏住了呼吸，可爱德华·卡伦也没在教室里。我松了一口气，向座位上走去。迈克跟在我后面，大谈特谈即将到来的去海滩旅行的事情。他在我的课桌旁一直赖到了打铃，这才依依不舍地冲我笑了笑，无可奈何地过去坐到了一个戴着牙套、顶着一头乱糟糟的烫发的女孩旁边。看来对于迈克，我得想点儿招数了，而这不会是一件轻而易举的事情。在这样一个小镇，大家低头不见抬头见，讲求策略是最要紧的。我从来都不是个很圆滑的人;对付过于殷勤的男孩子我还没经验。

 

I was relieved that I had the desk to myself, that Edward was absent. I told myself that repeatedly. But I couldn't get rid of the nagging suspicion that I was the reason he wasn't there. It was ridiculous, and egotistical, to think that I could affect anyone that strongly. It was impossible. And yet I couldn't stop worrying that it was true.

 

我一个人坐着一张桌子，爱德华旷课，真是让我感到很宽慰。我一遍又一遍地这样想着。可我老是怀疑是因为我的缘故，他才没有来，这种怀疑搅得我心神不定。真是太可笑、太自以为了不起了吧，居然以为自己会对一个人产生这么大的影响。那是不可能的。可是，我还是忍不住担心那是真的。