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The One Where Rosita Dies
Teleplay by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones
Story by: Sherry Bilsing & Ellen Plummer
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to move Joey抯 chair and not having much luck at it as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey.
Rachel: Hey.
Joey: What are you doing?
Rachel: Well, y択now I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Joey: (laughs) Why would you want to do that?
Rachel: So that there will be a decent place for me to sit.
Joey: Rach, there is a decent place to?
Rachel: And your lap does not count! Okay? Come on, help me move this.
Joey: No. No. No.
Rachel: No?
Joey: No. Rosita does not move.
Rachel: I抦 sorry, Rosita? As in?
Joey: As in Rosita does not move.
Rachel: Joey, it抯 just a chair! What抯 the big deal?
Joey: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and it抯 at the perfect angle so you don抰 get any glare coming off of Stevie.
Rachel: Stevie the TV?
Joey: (glaring at her) Is there a problem?
Rachel: No! (Joey sets his beer and bag of chips down and heads into his room.) Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! (She tries pulling on the back of the chair, until the hinge breaks and the back falls off.) You bitch!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Ross: Hey, y択now what抯 weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people you抮e gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." That抯 weird isn抰 it?
Chandler: Couldn抰 I just say, "This is Ross?"
Ross: (disappointed) Sure, do whatever you want.
(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)
Monica: (entering, carrying a newspaper) Hey Ross! So, I was checking out the uh, real estate section?
Ross: Yeah?
Monica: Look at this. (Hands him the newspaper.)
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dad抯 house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is匫h my God!!
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Monica: I can抰 believe mom and dad are selling the house!
Ross: I can抰 believe they-they didn抰 even tell us!
Phoebe: I can抰 believe I still don抰 know what happened to the window in the attic!
(Ross calls his parents on his cell phone.)
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes we抮e surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
Chandler: (knocking on the window while outside) Sorry! (Runs off.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is examining the injury to Rosita while Rachel is apologizing to him.]
Rachel: Joey, Joey I am so sorry.
Joey: I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to move your mom, and you said don抰, and I did it anyway and her head fell off?
Rachel: Okay, come on桱oey, I抣l buy you a new one! All right? We抣l go down to the store right now and we抣l-we抣l get you a new chair.
Joey: (slowly turning and glaring at her) She抯 not even cold yet!
Rachel: But don抰 you think Rosita would抳e wanted you to move on? I mean y択now, she did always put厃our comfort first.
Joey: That抯 true.
(Rachel turns for the door and makes the "Wow!" face.)
Rachel: (grabbing her coat) Okay? You ready?
Joey: Yeah, I?(Shuts off the TV.) I don抰 want Stevie to see her like this.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.]
Ross: I can抰 believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some stranger抯 gonna be living in my room.
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, it抯 time the velvet ropes came down.
Ross: They kept your room for a while.
Monica: Oh please! Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out! I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria抯 Secret catalogues, not a gym!
Ross: Come on, you know they love you.
Monica: As much as they love you?
Ross: I was their first born! They thought she was barren! It抯 not my fault.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Ugh, I hate this year!
Ross: What抯 wrong with this year?
Phoebe: Well okay, it抯 already February and I抳e only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!
Monica: That was me and Ross.
Phoebe: Oh that抯 right!
Ross: Hey, y択now if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of mine made good money doing telemarketing.
Monica: Oh that抯 a great idea. You抮e really good on the phone.
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Y択now, I probably wouldn抰 have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, like you never called!
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the supervisor.]
Supervisor: So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
Phoebe: Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office.
Supervisor: (laughs) Why don抰 we do a trial run.
Phoebe: Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?
Supervisor: I抦 the supply manager.
Phoebe: Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Supervisor: We don抰 need any toner.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well I抦 sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone.) Yeah you抮e right, this is easy.
Supervisor: Okay, what was wrong with that call?
Phoebe: Oh well, all right卽m, no offense, but you were kind of rude.
Supervisor: They抮e always going to tell you they don抰 need toner, but that抯 okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.
Phoebe: Oh.
Supervisor: So, I think you抮e ready to sell toner, do you have any last questions?
Phoebe: No. (Pause) Oh wait yes! I do, I do have one question. What is toner?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that he抯 not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beer抯 still cold. Something terrible must抳e happened here! (He decides it抯 not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
[Scene: Ross and Monica抯 parent抯 garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]
Ross: Dad?
Mr. Geller: I抦 here!
Ross: (entering with Monica) Hey!
Mr. Geller: Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.
Ross: Dad, we-we can抰 believe you抮e selling the house.
Mr. Geller: Well, it抯 time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
Ross: (To Monica) Let抯 grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
Mr. Geller: I抦 sorry we can抰 store your childhood things anymore.
Monica: Oh, that抯 okay, I can抰 wait to see everything again! All of the memories?
Mr. Geller: Well, I don抰 know what抯 in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic.
Monica: I used to love to play restaurant.
Ross: Yeah, not as much as you used to love to play uncooked batter eater.
Monica: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)
Mr. Geller: So, I think your boxes are over here. (They walk over to them.)
Ross: Wow! Great! (Finds a pack of cigarettes.) Wait, dad who-who抯 cigarettes are these?
Mr. Geller: I don抰 know. They-they must be your mother抯, but please, please don抰 ask her. I抣l throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym?He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Mr. Geller: Oh look, look there抯 your old makeup kit!
Ross: It抯 a clown kit! Clown kit!
Mr. Geller: Well, the white seems to be untouched. (He throws it back into the box as Mr. Geller moves a tarp and makes a discovery.) Uh-oh.
Ross: What?
Mr. Geller: Y択now how the garage floods every Spring?
Ross: How are you ever going to sell this place?
Mr. Geller: I think I accidentally used Monica抯 boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What?He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God卐verything抯 ruined! Dad, she抯 gonna be crushed!
Mr. Geller: You don抰 secretly smoke do you?
Ross: No!
Mr. Geller: So it抯 just your mother then.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is hard at work.]
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies I抎 like to talk to you about your toner needs. (She抯 reading from the script.)
[Cut to Earl抯 office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld. They cut back and forth between Phoebe抯 and Earl抯 offices with each of their lines.]
Earl: I don抰 need any toner.
Phoebe: I抦 hearing what you抮e saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.
Earl: Not me.
Phoebe: May I ask why?
Earl: You wanna know why. You wanna know why?
Phoebe: I surely do!
Earl: Okay, I don抰 need any toner because I抦 going to kill myself.
(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)
Phoebe: (doesn抰 have any luck) Umm, is-is that because you抮e out of toner?
Commercial Break
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still talking to Earl.]
Earl: Okay, so卬o toner today. Thanks anyway, bye-bye.
Phoebe: No-no wait-wait! I can抰 just let you hang up! Just please talk to me.
Earl: Well匢 only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Today抯 Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
Earl: It抯 just that I uh, have been working for ten years now at this meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows I exist!
Phoebe: Chandler?
Earl: I-I抦 sorry?
Phoebe: No look, I-I抦 sure that people know you exist!
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. I抳e been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no one抯 even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, I抦 gonna kill myself! (There抯 no response; no one even looks up.) I抣l get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler has replaced Rosita with his chair.]
Chandler: My chair. Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita! (He runs out the door, grabs the back of Rosita, and we can hear Joey and Rachel talking as they are coming up the stairs. Neither of them have reached the landing yet.)
Rachel: You will like it!
Joey: No I won抰.
(Chandler runs to check on them coming up the stairs.)
Rachel: You don抰 even know!
Joey: Because, I know what I like and what I don抰 like! It抯 not the same thing!
(Chandler throws the back of Rosita into his apartment and quickly starts pushing the base into his apartment.)
Rachel: Well look, if you don抰 like this?The audience抯 laughter at Chandler抯 progress cuts out the rest of Rachel抯 line.)
Joey: I don抰 know why you say that so soon.
(Joey and Rachel reach the landing just as Chandler closes the door.)
Rachel: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, y択now what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.
Joey: Francette? What is she? A couch?
(They enter their apartment.)
Joey: Poor thing. Cut down in her prime.
Rachel: Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here. Y択now, start the healing process?
Joey: Well, I guess you抮e right. Maybe, maybe I抣l take her down to the incinerator. It抯 gonna be so sad, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back, but it doesn抰 come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and looks back at it.) She抯 healed!
Rachel: That抯 weird.
Joey: No it抯 not weird, it抯 a miracle!
Rachel: It抯 not a miracle Joey! I抦 sure there抯 some explanation.
Joey: Oh there is! If you want something enough and your heart is pure, wondrous things can happen!
Rachel: Joey, I really don抰?
Joey: (interrupting her) Can you tell me how this happened?
Rachel: Well no.
Joey: Miracle!
Rachel: No, y択now what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something!
Joey: Someone like an卆ngel?
Rachel: That抯 right Joey, the chair angel came in and healed your chair. (She sits down in the chair.)
Joey: (angrily) Get your non-believer ass outta my chair! (She gets up and heads for her room.)
[Scene: The Geller抯 Garage, continued from earlier. Ross and Mr. Geller are still deciding what to do.]
Mr. Geller: Well, she抣l understand right? It抯 not like I did it on purpose.
Ross: Dad, that won抰 matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all hers is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Mr. Geller: Oh my God, does she really thinks that?
Ross: Well, can you blame her?
Mr. Geller: Well I don抰 know, I-I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously, you were a medical marvel! The doctor said your mother could?
Ross: Dad, dad I don抰 want to hear about it.
Mr. Geller: Really?
Ross: Well, not right now. Okay look, Monica came here for some memories and damnit, we抮e gonna give her some! Okay, grab単rab some empty boxes. Okay? We抣l-we抣l take stuff from mine and whatever we can pass off as hers we抣l-we抣l put 慹m in there.
Mr. Geller: Great!
Ross: Like uh y択now like this! This! (He picks up one of those art projects that kids make in kindergarten and first grade.) She-she could抳e made this!
Mr. Geller: Sure!
Ross: Right? And this! (He picks up a trophy) She-she could抳e won this!
Mr. Geller: (grabbing a glove) This could抳e been hers!
Ross: Sure! Ooh-ooh, what about this?
Mr. Geller: Your make-up kit? I抎 feel better.
(Ross angrily throws the kit into one of Monica抯 new boxes.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting on the now healed Rosita as Rachel is sitting in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from La-Z-Boy that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. It抯 got a small refrigerator under one armrest, it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular phone, and so much more.]
Rachel: (grabbing a beer out of the chair抯 fridge) I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself!
Joey: Yeah, me too. (He flips up his armrest in disgust.)
Rachel: Hey, how抯卙ow抯 the uh, miracle chair?
Joey: Fine.
Rachel: Yeah? Wow! Y択now, that this thing has speakers in the headrest!
Joey: No. Really?
Rachel: Yeah! You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio!
Joey: (quietly) My chair heals itself.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Phoebe: Earl, you抮e not hearing me! All I抦 saying is that you抮e not alone, alright? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didn抰 mean him.)
Guy: (walking past Earl抯 desk) Hey guy!
Phoebe: Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.
Earl: No! That抯 just the "Hey Guy" guy. He says that to everybody! He抯 the worst! I抎 like to take him with me!
Phoebe: All right. So Earl, let抯 just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-there抯 gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?
Earl: (laughs) Yeah! Right!
Phoebe: Oh sorry, boyfriend!
Earl: Oh no.
Phoebe: No, whatever! Anything!
The "Hey Guy" Guy: Hey guy!
Phoebe: Yeah, he抯 gotta go.
Earl: Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya. (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: No! I抦 not finished yet! Don抰! Don抰 you dare hang up on me!!!
Supervisor: (walking by and overhearing that) (to the rest of the staff) The new girl抯 good.
[Scene: The Geller抯 Garage, Mr. Geller and Ross are finishing up recreating Monica抯 memories as Monica enters.]
Monica: Hey guys! Hey!
Ross: Hey.
Monica: Hey, I just whipped us up some Easy Bake treats, they should be ready in about three days.
Mr. Geller: (overacting) That抯 a good one! Do you hear that Ross? Three days!
Ross: (overacting as well) Yeah! Yeah! (Laughs.) Oh, this will make a great memory.
Monica: (wary) Okay. So, which boxes are mine?
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
Monica: Okay. (Starting to go through them) Oh! A coloring book! (Holding it up.)
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Monica: (looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
Ross: Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)
Monica: (holding up a glove) Oh, an old glove?
Mr. Geller: Oh, yeah you loved that glove! You took it every place you went. You never went any place without that glove.
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I can抰 believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Ross: Oh, I don抰 know how that got in there.
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isn抰 mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isn抰, this isn抰 my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Ross: Umm, your boxes are umm?
Monica: What?
Ross: Dad?
Mr. Geller: Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. I抦 sorry.
Monica: Just mine?
Mr. Geller: I抦 afraid so.
Monica: So why-why wasn抰 Ross抯 stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel I抦 going to Easy Bake your head!
Mr. Geller: Well, I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.
Monica: So wait, Ross抯 stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!
Mr. Geller: There was also leaves and guk and stuff.
Monica: I can抰 believe this! (Storms out.)
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! I抦 having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is writing a letter by the bay window as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Hey Chandler!
Chandler: Hey!
Rachel: How would you like to sit in a chair that fully reclines, has a rolling massage, and speakers in the head rest?
Chandler: Yeah, I抎 love to but I抳e tried that so many times they won抰 even let me in the store anymore.
Rachel: Well what if I told you you can do it in my apartment?
Chandler: (excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?
Rachel: I just purchased the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000. (Which is an actual product by the way, I抦 not sure about the 3000 part.)
Chandler: That抯 awesome! That抯 great! What made you do it?!
Rachel: Well, it抯 a long story, but umm I broke Joey抯 chair?
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa! You broke Joey抯 chair?
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: I thought I broke Joey抯 chair! That抯 why I replaced it with mine!
Rachel: Ohhhhh. That抯 how it got fixed!
Chandler: Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?
Rachel: Noo! (Laughs) Angels.
Chandler: I抦 gettin?my chair back! (Heads for Joey and Rachel抯.)
Rachel: What? Wh-hey!
(They enter Joey and Rachel抯 to find that Joey has broken Chandler抯 chair.)
Joey: Well, it looks like it wasn抰 healed after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)
Chandler: Joey you broke my chair!!
Joey: Your chair?!
Rachel: Yeah, he thought he broke your chair so he switched the chairs!
Joey: So, there was no miracle?!
Rachel: No Joe, no miracle.
Joey: (sarcastic) Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. I抦 so glad I have the new chair to get my through this difficult time in my life.
Rachel: Uh-huh! Nice try, but you don抰 get that chair anymore! All right? That is my chair now! You can sit on my lap! (Joey starts to get up.) No I take that back!
Chandler: I think I should get the chair!
(Rachel and Joey both laugh at that suggestion.)
Joey: How do you figure?
Chandler: Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasn抰 broke a chair, is me!
Rachel: No-no-no! This chair抯 not going anywhere.
Chandler: Well, where抯 the logic in that?!
Rachel: The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to break a chair in half!
Chandler: So Joey breaks my chair and I get nothing!
(Joey whispers in Rachel抯 ear to confirm his response.)
Joey: That抯 right!
Chandler: What are you guys? Like a gang or something?!
(They confer again.)
Joey: Yeah! We are!
(Rachel whispers in Joey抯 ear.)
Rachel: We抮e the Cobras!
[Scene: Earl抯 Office, Earl has his head in his hands as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: (to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? He抯 the supply manager around here.
Marge: Sorry, I don抰 know any Earl.
Earl: (screaming) I抦 right here!!!!
Phoebe: (goes over to his desk) Earl! I抦 Phoebe.
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: Umm, look it, you-you can抰 kill yourself.
Earl: (exhales) Look, um I really appreciate your coming down?
Phoebe: No-no I can抰! I can抰 let you do it!
Earl: Why?!
Phoebe: Because it was fate that made me call you today!
Earl: I thought it was toner.
Phoebe: No! Think about it okay? This isn抰 even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, you抮e my first call! And-and somebody else might抳e hung up on you, but I wouldn抰 do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Earl: Really?!
Phoebe: Yes.
Earl: How?
Phoebe: I抦 not gonna give you tips! Look don抰 you see that this-this卼his all came together so that I could stop you from doing this.
Earl: Couldn抰 it just be a coincidence?
Phoebe: No, it抯 fate!
Earl: It doesn抰 really seem like enough to be fate.
Phoebe: Oh. Well umm, okay here抯 a weird thing. My mother was also a supply manager.
Earl: I抦 actually the office manager.
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.
Earl: Well, was there anything else?!
Phoebe: Sure! (Thinks.) Umm, where are you from?
Earl: Philadelphia.
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! Oh, I抳e got-I抳e got goose bumps. (She holds out her arm.)
Earl: (inspecting it) Really?
Phoebe: Well, y択now I抦 wearing layers and it抯 warm.
Earl: Yeah-yeah.
Phoebe: But if梟o look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I don抰 need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished they抎 care just a little bit though.
Phoebe: Y択now, I don抰-I don抰 think it抯 you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, it抯 you.
Earl: Yeah.
[Scene: The Geller抯 Garage, Monica is picking through her ruined childhood heirlooms with Ross.]
Monica: Oh, this is terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I don抰 even know what it is! Ohh, it抯 still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
Ross: All right. I think it was a mouse.
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Ross抯 sweater to clean them.)
Mr. Geller: (entering) How are you honey?
Monica: How do you think I am?! You抳e wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!
(Ross gets up to let his dad sit next to Monica.)
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, I抦 sorry about everything that happened and I抎 probably never be able to make it up to you, but here抯 a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Monica: (opening it) What抯 this?
Mr. Geller: It抯 the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.
Monica: (shocked) What?!
Ross: (even more shocked) What?!!!
Mr. Geller: I抳e been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mother抯 right, I do look like an ass.
Monica: Wait, you抮e giving me your Porsche, you抮e kidding me right?!
Ross: Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?!
Mr. Geller: (To Monica) Why don抰 we take it for a spin?
Monica: All right!
Ross: Well, what about me?! I抦 a medical marvel!!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is sitting in Joey抯 lap on Francette, and they抮e both groaning.]
Joey: Oh yeah.
Rachel: Ahhhh?
Joey: Ahhh厖 (To Rachel) Eh?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Monica: (entering) Hey guys!
Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Monica: Do you guys know what happened to Chandler抯 barcalounger?
Rachel: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
Monica: Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barcalounger抯 gone?! This is the best day ever! (Runs out.)
End
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