A thousand times
My son is growing up and it scares me. Terrifies me, actually. Girls, driving, alcohol, drugs, how can I protect him from all of these things? When he was little, I was one of those regimented on the present mothers. Even when it was hard and I was tired. I addressed even the most seemingly insignificant experience. If I thought there was something fundamental. I am doing these for the long whole, I tell myself and my credits, now, I have to help my instincts all right. My chances from guidance daily, and covered by ever present and often more favourite peers. I feel my influence will be replaced by someone wearing a or short skirt, I repeat the basics to him when he doesn’t want to listen. That is the tough issues. Head on! And I hold on to my belief that for the formative years. I demented his full attention and maybe that unremitting consistency will save us both.
I know that I haven’t lost him completely. Not yet, anyway. Because the look he gave me the other day when I drove him to schoolI love you, I said always. Usually he will say, I love you too.byeBut he didn’t. But it is OK. He is 14, what do I expect? Then he looked straight at me, I love you. He said quietly, he looked right into my eyes, to see that I hurt him, the girlsWho were passing by were out of ill by then. His words at that look happened in a hundreds of a second. But the whole universe became still, and I couldn’t hear a think. His entire lifetime blessed though my mind. I know him better than anyone in thisI can hear what he is not saying, know what he means, I love you too, mom, and I hope you know that. I want to say it back to you when you said it, but there was people walking by, and they might have heard me, and they me. And I didn’t want you leaving without hearing it. Because I really do love you. Please understand. I understand, I understand growing up is tough, and I wouldn’t be a teenager again even if I could. I understand that I can’t be with him every second, and protect him and look outside my grasp; I understand how important it is for him to know that I am here. And he can always count on me. And so I tell him these over and over. Even when he says, mom, you have already told me thousands of times! Since the day he became a part of me, I have tired to prepare us both of this separation. Right or wrong, almost everything that I ever done has been to be and now I am scare to deaf, now I can only trust his future to the past, I’ve told him I love him everyday, 2,3 or 12 times a day, for 14 years now. He usually says it back, it becomes a, may it last. May it protect him when I can’t. And I tell him again and again, talk to me, I am here for you. Trust me, I will help you. I will always listen. You can tell me anything, and a thousand times a day, I’ll say, I love you! Sometimes he will say it back, but even when he doesn’t , I’ll hear it anyway. |