The Communication Code Breakers

 

By Richard G. Ensman, Jr.

PAGE DESIGN BY MICHELLE TI

At your next meeting, be a wise listener: Respond to what the other participants really mean, not necessarily what they say

 

1

Communication enables us to work together, but sometimes even our best efforts to communicate cause misunderstandings. Communication within group settings is especially challenging because people often speak in “code.” The code is what the speaker really means, even if he hasn’t said it. Group leaders who understand the code can be great facilitators.

 

Some of the codes you might hear in a typical meeting, as well as the ways you can crack the codes, include:

 

Talking too much: One participant moves through a long-winded explanation, seemingly to help others understand the issues involved. The code (what the speaker really means): “I’m very concerned about the issue under discussion, and I’m not sure everyone else understands it.” Cracking the code (how the wise listener responds): Ask, “What are the top three things we need to know in order to really understand this issue?”

 

Providing selective facts: He offers a smattering of unrelated or biased information to support his point of view. The code: “I’ll do whatever I can to highlight my perspective.” Cracking the code: “Let’s pause for a moment and take a look at some of the other information presented today.”

 

Sitting passively: She does everything except participate; notice her blank stare, obvious lack of interest, or an overly compliant posture. The code: “Something about this discussion doesn’t suit me and I don’t know how to express my views properly.” Cracking the code: “Joan often has interesting ideas and we haven’t heard from her yet. Joan, what do you think?”

 

Asking probing questions: He poses sharp, perhaps even hostile, questions to other members of the group. Without intervention, defensiveness can result. The code:“Your questions are an affront to my beliefs or practices.” Cracking the code: “You’ve asked a tough question. Help us understand the rationale behind the question.”

 

Vocabulary Focus

long-winded (adj) [5lCN5windid] having or using too many words

smattering (n) [5smAtErIN] a small, scattered amount or number

intervention (n) [7intE(:)5venFEn] the act of intentionally becoming involved in a difficult situation in order to improve it or prevent it from getting worse; to interfere

affront (n) [E5frQnt] a remark or action intended to insult or offend someone

 

Specialized Terms

facilitator (n) 促进者；主导者 someone who helps a group reach a decision; a person who enables others to find their own solutions to problems or tasks

沟通解码家

李琳 译

 

在你下一次开会时，做一个有智慧的聆听者：响应与会者真正的意思，而不见得要响应他们所说的话

 

1

沟通使我们能与人合作，但有时候就算很努力沟通，还是会产生误解。团体中的沟通尤其具有挑战性，因为人们常会用“密码”对话；这些密码是发言者没说出口的真正意思，听懂密码的团体领袖会是很好的会议主持人。

以下是在一个典型的会议中你会听到的某些密码，还有一些破解密码的方式：

讲话太多：一位与会者解释了一大堆，好像想协助其它人了解相关的议题，他的密码（发话者真正的意思）是：“我很关心现在讨论的这个议题，但我不确定其它人是否了解问题之所在。”破解密码的方式（有智能的聆听者的响应方式）是问他：“如果要确切地了解这件事，有哪三点是最重要、我们一定要知道的？”

选择性地提供例证：他提供一些零碎、不相关或偏差的信息，来支持自己的想法。他的密码是：“我将竭尽所能地强调我的观点。”破解方式：“我们先暂停一下，来看看今天提出的其它资料。”

被动地坐着：她完全不参与；看看她空洞呆滞的眼神，明显缺乏兴趣的样子，或是过度顺从的姿态。她的密码是：“这番讨论不合我的胃口，我不知道该如何适当地表达自己的看法。”破解方式：“琼的看法通常都很有意思，而我们今天还没听到她的意见。琼，你的想法是什么？”

发问深入而尖锐：他对组内成员发出尖锐、甚至是充满敌意的问题，若没有外力干预，讨论会上可能会出现防御性言论。他的密码是：“你们的问题侮辱了我的想法或做法。”破解方式：“你的问题很难回答，请让我们了解你问题背后的逻辑。”