彭蒙惠英语：Marriage, Not Children, Is a Family’s Center（在线收听）

Marriage, Not Children, Is a Family’s Center

By John Rosemond © 2004, The Charlotte Observer,

Knight Ridder Newspapers. Distributed by Tribune Media Services.

The natural order of family relationships is marriage first, children second.

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Children growing up in America today will face a big problem when they become adults, says family psychologist John Rosemond. “Many, if not most of them—even those growing up in twoparent homes—are not developing a functional sense of what is truly meant by ‘marriage’ and, therefore, ‘family,’” Rosemond says.

Today’s well-intentioned parents rarely act from within the roles of husband and wife. Rather, they act almost exclusively from within the roles of mother and father. The new American ideal of family is based in large part on the mistaken notion that the more attention you give to your children—the more you do for them—the better parent you are.

The natural order

In the past, American children grew up in families where the marriage, irrespective of its imperfections, occupied center stage. The mother was a housewife, not a stay-at-home mom in perpetual orbit around her kids. Even if she worked outside the home, she did not arrive home bearing a load of guilt, which she attempted to discharge by focusing exclusively on her children throughout the evening until they finally consented to go to bed.

Likewise the father, when he came home from work, did not romp with his children all evening, “re-bonding” with them. He came home looking forward to spending a quiet evening with his wife, his intended partner for life.

After dinner, Mom and Dad retired to coffee and conversation in the living room, and the kids found things of their own to do (including their homework, which they did on their own as well). There were exceptions to this general rule, of course, but the husband-wife relationship was markedly stronger than the parent-child relationship.

Vocabulary

well-intentioned (adj) [welin5tenFEnd] wanting to have good effects, but sometimes having bad, unexpected effects

irrespective (adj) [7iris5pektiv] without considering; not needing to allow for

orbit (n) [5C:bit] the act of revolving around something

romp (v) [rCmp] to play in a rough, excited and noisy way