彭蒙惠英语：Marriage, Not Children, Is a Family’s Center（在线收听）

Marriage, Not Children, Is a Family’s Center

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The husband-wife relationship should always trump that of parent and child. Nothing makes a child feel more insecure than the feeling that his parents’ relationship is shaky, that it might come undone at any moment. Conversely, nothing makes a child feel more secure than knowing his parents’ relationship, while not perfect, is strong enough to endure any hardship or disagreement.

Children grow up to leave home

The primacy of the husband-wife relationship permits a child to begin preparing for his future life. The fact that he is not vital to his parents’ well-being—that Mom and Dad’s well-being is contained within their marriage relationship—gives him full, unfettered permission to leave and venture out into a life of his own. A child’s leaving home should be cause for celebration—exciting and full of promise.

When the parent-child relationship is foremost, however, separation is difficult. Sometimes, the child is able to leave physically, but not emotionally. At other times, the leaving is like a painful “divorce,” and it is difficult for any of the parties involved to ever fully recover.

The greatest gift parents can give an adult child is not a new car or condominium, but the security of knowing that he can always come home again—not to live, but to visit. The family’s center is intact in Dad and Mom’s marriage.

Sometimes, our adult children tell my wife and me how “lucky” they are to know that we will always be together. It’s actually a slip of the tongue, because they know that luck has nothing to do with it. It is simply a matter of keeping the natural order of things in their natural order.

Vocabulary

trump (v) [trQmp] to be more important than; to beat someone or something by doing or producing something better

condominium (n) [7kCndE5miniEm] an apartment in a building in which each apartment is owned separately by the people living in it, but also containing shared areas

slip of the tongue (idiom) when someone says something he or she did not intend to say

家庭中心在婚姻而非子女

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夫妻关系应该永远在亲子关系之前。父母间的关系不佳，可能随时瓦解，这是最令孩子感到不安的。反之，知道自己爸妈间的关系，虽然称不上完美，却牢固到足以克服难关及意见不合，是最令孩子安心的。

孩子长大后会离家

将夫妻关系放在第一位，使得孩子能够开始为自己未来的生活准备。孩子了解到父母幸福的因素是婚姻关系，而不是孩子自己，会给他完全的自由离家追寻自己的生活。孩子离家，是值得庆祝的，它令人雀跃且充满希望。

然而，当亲子关系被视为首要时，分离就困难了。有时，孩子人是离了家，情感上却无法与父母分开。有时离家则像是“离婚”般痛苦，任何一方都很难从创伤中完全恢复。

父母能给予成年儿女的最佳礼物，不是一辆新车或一户公寓，而是让他拥有自己永远有家可回的安全感——“回家”意指探访，并非住在家里。父母的婚姻是家庭核心完好的要素。

有时候，我已成年的儿女会告诉我和我妻子，知道我们会一直厮守着彼此，让他们感到自己很幸运。其实他们只是随口说说，因为他们很清楚，我们会厮守到老其实与运气无关，而只是让事情维持原本自然的顺序罢了。