完美的快乐

　　I must live almost alone like one who has been banished, I can mix with society only as much as true necessity demands. If I approach near to people a hot terror seizes upon me and I fear being exposed to the danger that my condition might be noticed. Thus it has been during the late six months which I have spent in the country...what a humiliation for me when someone standing next to me heard a flute in the distance and I heard nothing, or someone heard a shepherd singing and again I heard nothing. Such incidents drove me almost to despair, a little more of that and I would have ended my life-it was only my art that held me back. Ah, it seemed to me impossible to leave the world until I had brought forth all that I felt was within me... Oh Providence-grant me at last but one day of pure joy-it is so long since real joy echoed in my heart...

　　我必须像个被放逐的人那样，过一种近乎独处的生活。我与社会的接触仅限于满足一些完全是最基本的需要。我一旦接近其他人，就有一种强烈的恐惧感。我深怕陷入一种危险，即人们可能发觉我的处境。最近我住在乡下的半年，就是这种状态……当我身边站着的人听到远处长笛吹奏的乐声，我却什么也听不见。或是有人听到一个牧羊人在唱歌，而我还是什么也听不到，这对我是多么大的羞辱啊。这样的事情把我逼到了几乎绝望的境地。要是再遇到一些，我恐惧早就结束自己的生命了——然而，正是我的艺术挽救了我。啊，我好像只有把内心的东西都倾泻出来之后，才可能离开这个世界。哦，上帝——无论如何赐给我哪怕一天的完美的快乐吧——我已经很久没有感受真正的快乐在我心中回荡了……