Lovemap In Our Minds 深藏不露，暗自发奋的爱图
Have you ever known a married couple that just dindn't seem as though they should fit together-yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can't figure out why? I know of one couple: He is a burly ex-athlete.Meanwhile,his wife is petite,quiet and a coumplete homebody. she doesn't even go out to dinner.
What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person,while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer?
one of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate,one of the most telling.is what he calls our "lovemap"-a group of message encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. it shows our preferences in hair and eye color.in voice,smell,bodybuild.It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it's the warm and friendly type or the strong,silent type.
In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our lovemap.And this lovemap is largely determinde in childhood . By age eight, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.
when we're little, our mother is the center of our attention, and we are the center of hers. So our mother's characteristics leave an indelible impression, we are forever attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair- minded strength in our mates.
The mother has an additional influence on her sons:she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate,but also affects how they feel about women in general. so if she is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that's the way women are.They will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house.
Conversely, a mother who has depressive personality, and is sometimes friendsly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting,may raise a man who becomes a dance-away lover.Because he's been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.
While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us to a mate, it's the father-the first male in our lives-who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children's personalities and chances of marital happiness.
Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women,fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men. if a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person,she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. but if the father is cold,critical or absent,the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive. |