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Fun With English
Eddie and the Early Birds
For hotshot Eddie, it was a bitter pill to swallow. He had been playing in a rock and roll band called the Early Birds for a few weeks. Last night, the other members of the band kicked him out. They said he was too lazy and didn't practice often enough. Also, they didn't see eye-to-eye with Eddie over the kind of music he wanted to play.
"We're sick and tired of your attitude," said Dude Gimbal, the band's drummer. "You keep talking about making it big, but you're not prepared to make an effort. When you came late for the practice tonight, it was the last straw. We've decided to find another guitar player."
Though he was feeling blue when he woke up this morning, Eddie soon got over the setback. He decided that he would start another band and call it the Late Worms.
The Lion and the Mouse
A lion was sleeping under a tree one day when a mouse ran into him and woke him up. The lion, upset that his sleep had been disturbed, caught the mouse. The mouse was scared that the lion would kill him, so he pleaded for mercy and apologized. Seeing how scared and sorry the little mouse was, the lion let him go.
Sometime later the lion got trapped in a hunter's net. He gave out a mighty roar, but he could not escape. Recognizing the lion's voice, the mouse ran over and began chewing at the net. In a few minutes the lion was freed from the net. Happy to be free again, the lion realized that his kindness had not been wasted.
--based on "Aesop's Fables"
MORAL: Little friends may prove great friends.
Help Wanted
The telephone rings at the FBI headquarters.
"Hi, is this the FBI?" "Yes, it is. What do you want?" "I think you should know that my neighbor, Ron Spalding, is a drug dealer. He hides his drugs in his firewood."
The next day, many FBI officers arrive at Spalding's house in the country. They search the storehouse where the firewood is kept, breaking every piece of wood they see. They find no drugs and swear at Mr. Spalding as they leave. A little while later the telephone rings at Spalding's house.
"Hey, Ron? Did the FBI come?" "Yep." "Did they chop up all your firewood?" "They sure did!" "Great! Now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."
英文万花筒
（一）埃迪之往事不堪回首
对自命不凡的埃迪来说，这口气可真难以下咽。他在"早起鸟儿"这个摇滚乐团已经演出好几个星期了。昨晚，乐团的其他成员把他踢出了团。他们说他太懒而且也不经常练习。对埃迪想演奏的音乐类型，他们也无法认同。
"我们讨厌你的态度。"乐团的鼓手杜德·金宝说。"你总说要让乐团大红大紫，但你并不准备好好努力。今晚的练习你又迟到，我们已经对此忍无可忍了。我们决定要另找一名吉他手。"
虽然埃迪今早醒来心情很郁闷，但他很快从挫败中恢复了。他决定另组一支乐团，就叫它"晚起虫儿"。
（二）狮子和老鼠
一天，一只狮子在树下睡觉时，一只老鼠撞到了他，还把他吵醒了。狮子因睡眠被打扰而恼怒，他逮住了这只老鼠。老鼠害怕狮子把他杀掉，于是向狮子求饶道歉。看到这只小老鼠一副惊慌失措、可怜兮兮的模样，狮子把他放了。
不久，这只狮子被猎人设的陷阱网住了。他发出威猛的怒吼声，却无法逃脱。老鼠听出了狮子的声音，跑过去开始咬那张网。几分钟后，狮子从网中挣脱了出来。在重获自由高兴之余，狮子认识到他的好心并没有白费。
─根据《伊索寓言》故事改编
寓意：微不足道的朋友可能成为了不起的朋友。
（三）服务到家，包您满意
美国联邦调查局总部的电话响了。"喂，是联邦调查局吗？""是的。你有什么事？""我想你们应该知道我的邻居，朗恩·斯伯丁是个毒贩子。他把毒品藏在他的柴火堆里。"第二天，许多联邦调查局官员来到斯伯丁的乡下的房子。他们搜查了放柴火的储藏室，并劈开他们看到的每一根木柴。他们什么毒品都没找到，离开的时候还咒骂了斯伯丁一顿。过了一会儿，斯伯丁家的电话响了。"喂，是朗恩吗？联邦调查局的人来过了没？" "来了。" "他们把你所有的木柴都劈好了吗？" "当然！" "太好了！现在轮到你打电话了。我的菜圃需要耕一耕。"
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